desperation

so you know that feeling you get when you are browsing through a shop and you see something you really want? and then you think to yourself....eh, I'll get it when I get back home and look on the internet for a better price? and then........you find out you can't find it that easily? or at all? and that feeling comes....where you're starting to see something you really want, even if it's just for the moment, slip away from you?

OH MAN. that feeling is BAD.

I guess, even though it takes a long time, I feel this way about people, too. I see someone I appreciate a lot, and I feel like I HAVE to keep them, no matter what. It would explain a lot of the stubbornness.

I think everyone would like to say that someone's perfect for them, even though they know that it would never work. you know? in them, you find that one quality that you've been wanting, or know that you will want/need to keep your life so...balanced....and then everything else, or maybe just one thing, clashes. then comes that same feeling again....that feeling where you're so afraid of them slipping away in your life that you'd like to keep them as whatever they want to be and everything else is accepted and you rationalize those certain things.

maybe I'm the only silly one that does this, but I can't help but feel that everyone else does it, too.

that out there, someone else is doing the opposite, even. I'm glad I know what I want, 'cause there are people who spend a lifetime with the wrong person....I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. too many opposing thoughts derailed my train, I guess. I guess now I want to say that I hope I don't spend a lifetime looking just at that one quality. If I don't get over it soon, so many people will be unhappy.

ARGH

sometimes I could only wonder how amazing happiness would be if only....it would stop circling me like a lion does a fresh carcass and just...

why play this game?