I stumbled onto your sticky notes. I always had a habit of keeping things. The only things they reminded me were those times when we were pretty much inseparable. You would leave for somewhere and when I came back there would be a sticky note that told me what you were doing and to call you. We didn't know each other that well then...and you certainly didn't have to do that. But you did. And now I wish you hadn't. Now I wish I hadn't kept these. But at the end of the day, I put it back in my little blue pouch. I guess letting go of you was going to be easy, but letting go of memories of you would be hard.

The Covenant was a really bad movie, but you didn't mind the blond guy in there. I didn't mind sitting next to you.

When we watched Pulse, I'm glad I held your hand. That actually scared me.

I fell asleep holding your hand once. I was kneeling in bed from previously talking to you. It took me a long time to decide if the discomfort was worth it. I decided it wasn't.

One time I woke up from a nap and thought I saw you looking my way. I told myself I was dreaming things. I probably was.

I hated Hinder, but it was alright when you played "Better Than Me" over and over for a few hours.

I pretended to be asleep that time I bought the Buffalo Blue Cheese Doritos and put it on your desk. I was ecstatic when you woke me up to watch Beauty and the Beast.

I'm sorry I was useless that one time you were upset and was listening to Prey-10Years in the bathroom. I knew you were tearing up, but I didn't know how to stop it. I regret going away when you told me to. Earlier, I pretended to have headphones in while you were in the room because I thought you'd like to be alone.

Later, through an argument we had, I found out I was stupid and that you probably didn't want to be alone while I listened to music.

Cosmic's and George's Garage are the places we went after we had major fights.

I'm sorry I let her use your tape.

When you draped your arm over my stomach that one time we were lying down talking in your bed, I'm sorry I was so stiff. I didn't know then that I liked you. I wasn't uncomfortable...I just didn't know what to do.

That movie marathon....I haven't done an Indiana Jones marathon ever since. I think of you every time I see it going on on TV.

Pepto-Bismol pink still holds a special place in my heart.

That one time I came back to the room completely drenched in rainwater, it was because I was trying to deal with realizing I liked you. Pouring rain is always a good place to sit in.

I'm glad that when I cried in that stairway that you brought my towel to cover up my head with.


I had always feared that I would forget you in my old age...like how most of the old people in my family often do to their loved ones. I guess now I want to be able to look forward to that day.

"that special thing"

So I'm back....'cause my roommate had another thing with her boyfriend and it seems like they have some serious problems....but she keeps saying something about how she's talked to married couples and they say they "don't have that thing that her and [her boyfriend] have". I can't help but think of our friendship and how I used to think that all the time. I used to excuse all the shit that I took from you almost all the time...because I thought to myself "damn....I'm so lucky I would never have something like this again. Even as her friend, I would never have another friend like that again." I'm trying to think if that's the right mentality or not? Is it worth putting yourself through shit for those moments where you're just so content with your current situation that you can't think of anything else you'd want. I used to think that. I really did. I used to answer yes every time. Every time i ask myself, every time someone else asks me. Now, I don't even know what my answer is. I'm not sure if that's a sign that I'm slowly moving on, but I hope I don't ever get stuck in that rut again where I cling onto you 'cause I think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me. I might still think that...and I might still think I'll never get someone that clicks with me like you did again. But, I'll be damned if I traded what I've gotten now (ever since you decided to desert me) for what I had when I was your friend. True to my word, I still love you and will continue to do so for the rest of my life. But I will never want you again.