a quote

“A clever person is one who knows how to lie to himself. He could convince himself so much that he couldn’t tell the truth.”
“Isn’t that tragic?”
“Not at all, the better you are prepared for the worst, the more surprises you’ll find in life. Don’t think too much.”

whoa

So I went upstairs to brush my teeth about 45 min ago...and was interrupted by my sister, getting up. She opened the door, and looked at me. I asked her what she wanted, and she said "nothing." I ignored it until I went past the room she was in and heard her crying. Well...she got scared from being in there by herself, and for some reason she didn't go get my mom. I guess she was looking for my mom, but my mom was working. Geez...nice way to spend your vacation, eh?

So I went inside and gave her a hug. That killed me, because I haven't done that in a long time. I told her to go to sleep and tucked her in. Then she asked if I would stay for a while. She eventually stopped crying, but she was still sniffling...for a moment there, it was kind of adorable. Even after she fell asleep, she would not let me go. So we have this thing where I put my arm out and she'd put her head on my arm...well....that always calms her down, but that's because she always curls up next to me. My arm was stuck, she had her arm around me, so I was stuck in general. Every time I pulled away, she'd latch onto me....so this continued for a while, until I finally escaped. Hmm...that rare display of affection surprised me...I used to sing when I put her to sleep (when she was little) and even that was a rare occasion. eh...I dunno...she could have stopped working for at least 45 minutes, you know...Heh...silly Jenny. She didn't ask mom because she saw that mom was working. That makes me a little angry at my parents. I wonder how often this happens...

ah

hmmm

so how do you stop a rock from sinking?

yes. work with that. I don't feel like talking, just want to say "blah."

Not Falling Apart by Maroon 5

Danced all night, slept all day
Careless with my heart again
Fearless when it comes to playing games
You don’t cry, you don’t care
Afraid to have a love affair
Is that your ghost or are you really there?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

Weather on a sunny day
Time slows down; I wish you’d stay
Pass me by in crowded, dark hallways
Try my hardest not to scream
I find my heart is growing weak
So leave your reasons on the bathroom sink

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

Take what you want
I will be just fine
You will be better off alone at night
Waiting and falling
Constantly calling out your name
Will it ever change?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

venting

blah. hmm....one vents when one is hurt, no?

I shall vent then.

awlkjeflksdhgklJWEBVLAKSJDklsdhvgslkdfjghalskjdfLWKEJ QREWERTAQEWRQERGA
Q$%@^&$ $%$%^@$%^@$%

whatever.

Prodigal by OneRepublic

We say goodbye, I turn my back
Run away, run away so predictable
Not far from here, you see me cry
Like a bone, like a bone I’m so breakable
I’ll take everything from you
But you won’t take anything won’t you.

Run away, run away like a prodigal
Don’t you wait for me, don’t you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed but I need you so
And you’ll wait for me, and you’ll wait for me

I’m on the road to who know where
Look ahead, not behind, I keep saying
There’s no place to go where you’re not there
On your own the whole time, but it’s freeing
I’ll take everything from you
You won’t take anything, won’t you?

Run away, run away like a prodigal
Don’t you wait for me, don’t you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed but I need you so
And you’ll wait, and you’ll wait for me

Everybody wants to be your eye
But only if it’s not a day of light
I keep trying to find my way back, my way back

Run away, run away like a prodigal
Don’t you wait for me, don’t you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed but I need you so
And you’ll wait, and you’ll wait for me

VA, an "inside of my eyelids" adventure

I slept like I was dead. Heh....so from 8-1 or so, I slept in the car, even through getting breakfast, and stopping at the VA-NC border. Then when I arrived at Jim's house...I found the closest bedroom and crashed there until it was time to leave. He might've possibly poked at me to see if I was dead. Then it was time for our final destination...where I ate dinner and log onto AIM for the first time in a week. *sigh* it's good to be back.

and Kara amuses me so XDD

"I must admit, I have a great fondness for you. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that I love you. A lot."--silly Kara. Did you know Maroon5 used to be called Kara's Flowers?

ARGGGGHHHH

I don't understand. I'm watching a movie. Your clothes will be done later! MY GOD!

AND THAT WOMAN!!! MY GOD, if I have to make "small talk" with her one more time, I'll kill myself.

watching

so....I'm an "asexual, submissive, rice-eating, violin-playing math wiz"

video
___________________________________________________

this is what I'll think of when I say good morning from now on. okay...that might not make sense to you, but it made sense to me. *ahem* it's starting to make less sense to me, but well....as long as I know what I'm talking about. Okay...well...enjoy anyway.

hi...
___________________________________________________

Men In White Trailer

All We Are by OneRepublic

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you, and all along
You were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything
That I need just to make it, and I believe that...
Time can tear you apart, but it won’t break
Anything that you are, you are…

We won't say our goodbyes, you know it's better that way,
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would have fit
I figured there's nothing to lose, I need to get
Some perspective on these words, before I hunt them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground
Time can tear you apart, but it won’t break
Anything that we are, we are…

We won't say our goodbyes, you know it's better that way,
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

And every single day that I can breathe,
You change my philosophy,
I'm never gonna let you pass me by

So don't say your goodbyes, you know it's better that way,
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

phone etiquette

I am sleeping! or trying to....and he is on the phone with my aunt, speakerphone! is that necessary? Is it!? My god, even in Cantonese he thinks he's better than everyone else. "No, plane tickets don't work like that!" If you didn't think her opinion was worth getting, then why are you sitting there debating it loudly over speakerphone!!?

I wish he'd just book the tickets already and stop using my desktop to check prices every night....while I'm asleep, with the phone on! He has his own computer..oh yeah, wouldn't want to wake Jenny up....*angry*

whatever...I'm annoyed now, he better be out of my room soon.

bizarre on the edge of the macabre

So I had this dream where Frances’ dad was one of my mom’s clients. WTF? They’re like two hours away. Anyway, we went to her house so that my mom can discuss something. So I went up the stairs to her room and tripped as soon as I got to the top. Her and her sister came out and looked at me like I was weird. Anyway, I proceeded to Frances’ room and for some reason her and someone else were recording music. Frances was playing the flute, and the other person was playing piano. Tracy and her cousin were there….even though I’ve never seen her cousin before, just that tiny little picture for her facebook, which I’m not even sure is her. Anyway, Tracy was taking some sort of test and her cousin was administering it. There were these signs above each area, and they were saying “in session”. WTF?

So after they were all done, Frances came over and we were hanging out until Tracy got done with her test and came over with her cousin. She didn’t talk much and I was about to ask why when Frances’ sister came in and started to talk to me…odd, since we’ve never actually talked before. Tracy…did not look like what I’ve seen…I have no idea where my mind got that totally fabricated image of her but, since it told me that was Tracy, I went along with it. Well…Frances’ dad then proposed that we play a game outside. Okay…when we got outside some guy was there and he said that we’re going to hide these—I have no idea what they, actually—national geographic poster things…but the macabre part of it all was that we were going to dig around the lawn until we found the bodies buried there. O_O …..Once we found the bodies, we would put the poster underneath. As usual, I stopped listening after that, since I wasn’t interested, and I just started folding the posters. The point is that they cannot be ripped when we dig them up later. W. T. F

Anyway…that was the working of my subconscious apparently…it’s telling me there are dead bodies hidden underneath Frances’ front lawn <.<

I find that believable, actually XD

dentist

I think I've just decided that I absolutely abhor the dentist. I had my first cavity, and they had to give me a filling today. The numbness, the drilling--or whatever that was--and horrid numbing medicine. Then when I was done, I found out my dad left, so I had to call him to come back so that he can pay for the visit. Who leaves like that?!? I've also decided that my family is absurdly insane.

people are in my room.

AGAIN. Does. my. family. not. get. that. I. like. to. be. alone?

Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...