when you can't say what you want to say. it's almost an aching feeling. a huge headache. so stifling.
why does it have to be this on top of everything else? I had a weird dream last night. It's not a bad thing, just not a good thing at all. I should probably go back to having nightmares. That should be better.
vendredi 25 décembre 2009
lundi 16 novembre 2009
hey
hmm. yeah....idk what to say, blog. so I guess I'm done. I think I just needed to say something. Alright, have fun.
dimanche 11 octobre 2009
epic fail
So here's the update on my life.
A while ago, there was this guy that I liked. I did something stupid with him (not sex) and now he....I guess he talks about it when he's drunk. It finally made its way to someone whose opinion matters to me. The story here is that, whether or not it's a big deal to them, it's a big deal to me. It worries me. I don't want to seem.....idk, the only word that comes to mind now is "loose" and I don't think that's the right word. I'm not....casual. I'm not! I mean, I just went ahead and directed honest questions at them, just.....asked if they thought less of me now that they knew that I did. I mean, it's not even what I did, it's more like...what I let someone else do (not like....stupid pictures splayed on the internet or anything like that. I'm stupid, but not *that* stupid). Anyway, the point is that I asked. I haven't gotten a reply yet, and boy is it killing me. Although, their initial reaction seemed to be a bad one, idk....I hope that I didn't just disappoint one of the most important people in my life. Ah....I can't seem to do anything right. I just act on impulses that lead to stupid things.
Blah.
On a side note, I guess....a hefty side note. I was also told that this boy--as sweet as this is, it's still pretty unfortunate--that would leave his girlfriend 9this happened before current gf became his gf, and school (which, I guess, means that he'll move back in-state to go to a crappier school (still ok, I guess 'cause he's an engineering major and NCSU is good for engineering) for me. for. me. I....hope I don't ever have that effect on anyone. I mean....my current sigfig would give up those huge things for me, but....this boy....isn't even with me. This is what he would do, if I...told him I would reciprocate his feelings. I don't want that kind of value/weight/responsibility. I'm not....fit to appropriately make someone happy. I'm just...not. you know? My skills are pretty much related to material things, like cooking, cleaning, academics--they....they don't say anything about my emotional/relationship qualifications. I don't know....I don't know! I don't know.
If you're wondering why I'm so....beat up over this, I guess I should tell you that this is a guy who...values his career. He would put the career first and the family second. He's someone who's told me that he would never give up a promotion or a faraway job just because the person he's with has asked him to. This is someone who doesn't get the point in having a family, who doesn't appreciate clingy-ness. This is....someone who is detached, but apparently is attached to me.
It's like...it scares me when every time he gets drunk, he talks about me, or calls me, or thinks about when we were together (which wasn't even togetherness, it was more like a casual thing to keep us away from getting into heavy emotional things, but still keep us....together?). I....I'm not worth that kind of torch-bearing. I'm not that kind of...idk...I don't deserve it 'cause I don't feel the same way, and I don't know how to feel the same way.
Blah....Worries in the am always take away my sleep.
A while ago, there was this guy that I liked. I did something stupid with him (not sex) and now he....I guess he talks about it when he's drunk. It finally made its way to someone whose opinion matters to me. The story here is that, whether or not it's a big deal to them, it's a big deal to me. It worries me. I don't want to seem.....idk, the only word that comes to mind now is "loose" and I don't think that's the right word. I'm not....casual. I'm not! I mean, I just went ahead and directed honest questions at them, just.....asked if they thought less of me now that they knew that I did. I mean, it's not even what I did, it's more like...what I let someone else do (not like....stupid pictures splayed on the internet or anything like that. I'm stupid, but not *that* stupid). Anyway, the point is that I asked. I haven't gotten a reply yet, and boy is it killing me. Although, their initial reaction seemed to be a bad one, idk....I hope that I didn't just disappoint one of the most important people in my life. Ah....I can't seem to do anything right. I just act on impulses that lead to stupid things.
Blah.
On a side note, I guess....a hefty side note. I was also told that this boy--as sweet as this is, it's still pretty unfortunate--that would leave his girlfriend 9this happened before current gf became his gf, and school (which, I guess, means that he'll move back in-state to go to a crappier school (still ok, I guess 'cause he's an engineering major and NCSU is good for engineering) for me. for. me. I....hope I don't ever have that effect on anyone. I mean....my current sigfig would give up those huge things for me, but....this boy....isn't even with me. This is what he would do, if I...told him I would reciprocate his feelings. I don't want that kind of value/weight/responsibility. I'm not....fit to appropriately make someone happy. I'm just...not. you know? My skills are pretty much related to material things, like cooking, cleaning, academics--they....they don't say anything about my emotional/relationship qualifications. I don't know....I don't know! I don't know.
If you're wondering why I'm so....beat up over this, I guess I should tell you that this is a guy who...values his career. He would put the career first and the family second. He's someone who's told me that he would never give up a promotion or a faraway job just because the person he's with has asked him to. This is someone who doesn't get the point in having a family, who doesn't appreciate clingy-ness. This is....someone who is detached, but apparently is attached to me.
It's like...it scares me when every time he gets drunk, he talks about me, or calls me, or thinks about when we were together (which wasn't even togetherness, it was more like a casual thing to keep us away from getting into heavy emotional things, but still keep us....together?). I....I'm not worth that kind of torch-bearing. I'm not that kind of...idk...I don't deserve it 'cause I don't feel the same way, and I don't know how to feel the same way.
Blah....Worries in the am always take away my sleep.
vendredi 28 août 2009
Complicated
just heard this song by carolyn dawn johnson?
I'm so scared that the way I feel,
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room,
I wanna find a hiding place.
We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do.
But now, a smile and a touch of your hand,
Just makes me come unglued.
Such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth.
Is it fact or fiction,
Oh the way I feel for you.
So complicated, I'm so frustrated.
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it.
Should I tell you how I feel.
Oh, I want you to know.
But then again I don't. It's so complicated.
Oh...just when I think I'm under control.
I think I got a grip.
Another friend tells me that, I'm always on your lips.
They say I'm more than just a friend, they say I must be blind.
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye.
Oh, It's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess.
But think of what I'd
be losin', if your answer isn't yes.
So complicated I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel.
Oh I want you to know, but then again I don't, It's so complicated.
Oh, I hate it. 'Cause I've waited.
So long for someone like you
Oh, what do I do.
Oh should I say it.
Should I tell you how I feel.
I want you to know,but then again I don't.
It's so complicated..
It's so complicated..
It's so complicated.
Ohh..
I'm so scared that the way I feel,
Is written all over my face
When you walk into the room,
I wanna find a hiding place.
We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do.
But now, a smile and a touch of your hand,
Just makes me come unglued.
Such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth.
Is it fact or fiction,
Oh the way I feel for you.
So complicated, I'm so frustrated.
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it.
Should I tell you how I feel.
Oh, I want you to know.
But then again I don't. It's so complicated.
Oh...just when I think I'm under control.
I think I got a grip.
Another friend tells me that, I'm always on your lips.
They say I'm more than just a friend, they say I must be blind.
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye.
Oh, It's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess.
But think of what I'd
be losin', if your answer isn't yes.
So complicated I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel.
Oh I want you to know, but then again I don't, It's so complicated.
Oh, I hate it. 'Cause I've waited.
So long for someone like you
Oh, what do I do.
Oh should I say it.
Should I tell you how I feel.
I want you to know,but then again I don't.
It's so complicated..
It's so complicated..
It's so complicated.
Ohh..
she says
Sweet is the side
Of her room
Window open by candlelight
How would you know
Cold winter on the shore
Chills a dress she wore
It’s on the floor
It feels so warm today
And that’s why I’m wondering why
You had to tell me
What’s goin’ on in your head
What’s wrong
Come around to another time when you
Don’t have to run
And when she said she wants somebody else
I hope you know
that she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You’ll never hear her
the way that I do
And when she said she wants someone to love
I hope you know
she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know
that she doesn’t mean to
Yeah yeah…. I know it
Swing into flight
Over hills
Over her hills it’s twilight
Yeah, I guess that’s right now
While we’re here
Tell me why It’s so funny
That you’re so funny when you’re mad
Always so mad, so mad
And that’s why I’m wondering why
You had to tell me
What’s goin’ on in your head
what’s wrong
Come around to another time when you
Don’t have to run
And when she said she wants somebody else
I hope you know
That she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You’ll never hear her
The way that I do
And when she said she wants someone to love
I hope you know
she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know that she knows
She doesn’t mean you
Yeah and I don’t know where
Come and find me
I don’t know what
We’re coming to and
And I don’t know what
It means to me
And you don’t know what
It means to you
We’re over now
Yeah
Of her room
Window open by candlelight
How would you know
Cold winter on the shore
Chills a dress she wore
It’s on the floor
It feels so warm today
And that’s why I’m wondering why
You had to tell me
What’s goin’ on in your head
What’s wrong
Come around to another time when you
Don’t have to run
And when she said she wants somebody else
I hope you know
that she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You’ll never hear her
the way that I do
And when she said she wants someone to love
I hope you know
she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know
that she doesn’t mean to
Yeah yeah…. I know it
Swing into flight
Over hills
Over her hills it’s twilight
Yeah, I guess that’s right now
While we’re here
Tell me why It’s so funny
That you’re so funny when you’re mad
Always so mad, so mad
And that’s why I’m wondering why
You had to tell me
What’s goin’ on in your head
what’s wrong
Come around to another time when you
Don’t have to run
And when she said she wants somebody else
I hope you know
That she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and makes a sound
You’ll never hear her
The way that I do
And when she said she wants someone to love
I hope you know
she doesn’t mean you
And when she breaks down and lets you down
I hope you know that she knows
She doesn’t mean you
Yeah and I don’t know where
Come and find me
I don’t know what
We’re coming to and
And I don’t know what
It means to me
And you don’t know what
It means to you
We’re over now
Yeah
jeudi 23 juillet 2009
desperation
so you know that feeling you get when you are browsing through a shop and you see something you really want? and then you think to yourself....eh, I'll get it when I get back home and look on the internet for a better price? and then........you find out you can't find it that easily? or at all? and that feeling comes....where you're starting to see something you really want, even if it's just for the moment, slip away from you?
OH MAN. that feeling is BAD.
I guess, even though it takes a long time, I feel this way about people, too. I see someone I appreciate a lot, and I feel like I HAVE to keep them, no matter what. It would explain a lot of the stubbornness.
I think everyone would like to say that someone's perfect for them, even though they know that it would never work. you know? in them, you find that one quality that you've been wanting, or know that you will want/need to keep your life so...balanced....and then everything else, or maybe just one thing, clashes. then comes that same feeling again....that feeling where you're so afraid of them slipping away in your life that you'd like to keep them as whatever they want to be and everything else is accepted and you rationalize those certain things.
maybe I'm the only silly one that does this, but I can't help but feel that everyone else does it, too.
that out there, someone else is doing the opposite, even. I'm glad I know what I want, 'cause there are people who spend a lifetime with the wrong person....I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. too many opposing thoughts derailed my train, I guess. I guess now I want to say that I hope I don't spend a lifetime looking just at that one quality. If I don't get over it soon, so many people will be unhappy.
OH MAN. that feeling is BAD.
I guess, even though it takes a long time, I feel this way about people, too. I see someone I appreciate a lot, and I feel like I HAVE to keep them, no matter what. It would explain a lot of the stubbornness.
I think everyone would like to say that someone's perfect for them, even though they know that it would never work. you know? in them, you find that one quality that you've been wanting, or know that you will want/need to keep your life so...balanced....and then everything else, or maybe just one thing, clashes. then comes that same feeling again....that feeling where you're so afraid of them slipping away in your life that you'd like to keep them as whatever they want to be and everything else is accepted and you rationalize those certain things.
maybe I'm the only silly one that does this, but I can't help but feel that everyone else does it, too.
that out there, someone else is doing the opposite, even. I'm glad I know what I want, 'cause there are people who spend a lifetime with the wrong person....I don't even know what I'm saying anymore. too many opposing thoughts derailed my train, I guess. I guess now I want to say that I hope I don't spend a lifetime looking just at that one quality. If I don't get over it soon, so many people will be unhappy.
mercredi 15 juillet 2009
ARGH
sometimes I could only wonder how amazing happiness would be if only....it would stop circling me like a lion does a fresh carcass and just...
why play this game?
why play this game?
lundi 15 juin 2009
dimanche 14 juin 2009
sorry, I lied.
stop. start. stop. start.
If someone was to ask what I honestly feel during those moments that you do not like. I pretend that I don't dislike it. My pretense works like those words above. Sorry, that I can't pretend to not want to do things for you all the time. Sorry for something I cannot help. If I was to be sorry for everything you disliked, I would simply be sorry for everything I am. That fact is simple. The fact that you can't stand to be around me anymore is simple. Sorry it's not enough. Sorry that sorry is not enough. What other sorries to I have to be? Sorry that I never told you my disappointments? No, in case you might actually have wondered, I'm not disappointed that you're not interested. I'm not at all. In case you were wondering, I am happy with what I have and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world, except for maybe what you can never give. I understand that. Perhaps you didn't understand what I'm not disappointed at. Perhaps you misunderstood that I have expectations. No. I don't. I hope, I wonder, I think. Tell me someone who doesn't think about the "what if"'s in life and I'll tell you that I think they're in denial. I think about it, I do not fantasize like some sick puppy waiting to be kicked again.
What did I value? I valued that I had a good time with you, that you made me better and not in the sick puppy figurative "oh, you fixed me and now I can love again" way. No. If you were even interested in knowing, I value you because I thought you were the first real friend I made and in a strange place, no less. You know, the kind of friend that you spend lots of free time with, that makes you laugh, and make you unhappy sometimes. You know, the kind that will actually matter to me 50 years from now. That's what I miss, and I guess if you were interested in knowing--I'm sure that's what I loved. No. I think that I am apart from the people who "loved" you before in that even as it sucks to be that way, and even if I shouldn't be that way, I still adore you. I don't think I'm delusional in pretending that the things you do to make me unhappy don't exist. I tend to think I can do that because they're negligible compared to the happiness of thinking about our friendship. That's right, friendship. I get happy thinking about friends. God, I get overjoyed thinking about a good piece of friend chicken. That doesn't mean I want to touch it, hump it, and bite it hungrily (well, maybe I will bite it hungrily if the mood takes me there).
Blase. What is that? I didn't know. "Apathetic to pleasure or excitement as a result of excessive indulgence or enjoyment."
If a therapist every ask me in one of those patient confidential moments, I don't think I would say loving you (that is, caring for you, not like twilight fans love "r-pattz") is an indulgence. No. The first two people (and I hope the last, 'cause I'm frankly kind of tired of it already) that I genuinely would give heart and soul to have drained every part of me possible. Caring for you has been the single most agonizing thing ever. No, not in the way that twilight fans are agonized by the fantasy of an edward cullen bite. No. It's agony on the level of "Why the hell am I doing this?" agony. No fantasy, no lies, no expectations...I can say I kept doing it anyway like a stupid fool. I say stupid 'cause I guess I now know I am stupid. Nononono, not that I *was* stupid, that I *am* stupid. Not stupid for what I feel, but stupid that I'm not angry. Stupid that I apologize for something genuine, stupid that I can't change. 'Cause honestly, if I can change for you, for me, for my family, for everyone's sake....please don't think that I'm so selfish that I won't change. Don't think that I'm so delusional that I refuse to believe I can change. Trust me, like Michael, like Tracy, like everyone else stuck in the stupid mess that I'm in, there is not a day that goes by where we don't think about ourselves and how much less our lives could suck. Well.
What else can I tell you? What other unadulterated, brutal truth that I can tell you or myself? I've told myself everything I ever could. Like a bag of stale chips, I've opened it, retried it, closed it back up again. I guess this time, the chips are too stale to pretend to close it up again like everything will be fresh tomorrow. Yeah...stale chips. That's what this is.
If someone was to ask what I honestly feel during those moments that you do not like. I pretend that I don't dislike it. My pretense works like those words above. Sorry, that I can't pretend to not want to do things for you all the time. Sorry for something I cannot help. If I was to be sorry for everything you disliked, I would simply be sorry for everything I am. That fact is simple. The fact that you can't stand to be around me anymore is simple. Sorry it's not enough. Sorry that sorry is not enough. What other sorries to I have to be? Sorry that I never told you my disappointments? No, in case you might actually have wondered, I'm not disappointed that you're not interested. I'm not at all. In case you were wondering, I am happy with what I have and I wouldn't trade it for anything else in the world, except for maybe what you can never give. I understand that. Perhaps you didn't understand what I'm not disappointed at. Perhaps you misunderstood that I have expectations. No. I don't. I hope, I wonder, I think. Tell me someone who doesn't think about the "what if"'s in life and I'll tell you that I think they're in denial. I think about it, I do not fantasize like some sick puppy waiting to be kicked again.
What did I value? I valued that I had a good time with you, that you made me better and not in the sick puppy figurative "oh, you fixed me and now I can love again" way. No. If you were even interested in knowing, I value you because I thought you were the first real friend I made and in a strange place, no less. You know, the kind of friend that you spend lots of free time with, that makes you laugh, and make you unhappy sometimes. You know, the kind that will actually matter to me 50 years from now. That's what I miss, and I guess if you were interested in knowing--I'm sure that's what I loved. No. I think that I am apart from the people who "loved" you before in that even as it sucks to be that way, and even if I shouldn't be that way, I still adore you. I don't think I'm delusional in pretending that the things you do to make me unhappy don't exist. I tend to think I can do that because they're negligible compared to the happiness of thinking about our friendship. That's right, friendship. I get happy thinking about friends. God, I get overjoyed thinking about a good piece of friend chicken. That doesn't mean I want to touch it, hump it, and bite it hungrily (well, maybe I will bite it hungrily if the mood takes me there).
Blase. What is that? I didn't know. "Apathetic to pleasure or excitement as a result of excessive indulgence or enjoyment."
If a therapist every ask me in one of those patient confidential moments, I don't think I would say loving you (that is, caring for you, not like twilight fans love "r-pattz") is an indulgence. No. The first two people (and I hope the last, 'cause I'm frankly kind of tired of it already) that I genuinely would give heart and soul to have drained every part of me possible. Caring for you has been the single most agonizing thing ever. No, not in the way that twilight fans are agonized by the fantasy of an edward cullen bite. No. It's agony on the level of "Why the hell am I doing this?" agony. No fantasy, no lies, no expectations...I can say I kept doing it anyway like a stupid fool. I say stupid 'cause I guess I now know I am stupid. Nononono, not that I *was* stupid, that I *am* stupid. Not stupid for what I feel, but stupid that I'm not angry. Stupid that I apologize for something genuine, stupid that I can't change. 'Cause honestly, if I can change for you, for me, for my family, for everyone's sake....please don't think that I'm so selfish that I won't change. Don't think that I'm so delusional that I refuse to believe I can change. Trust me, like Michael, like Tracy, like everyone else stuck in the stupid mess that I'm in, there is not a day that goes by where we don't think about ourselves and how much less our lives could suck. Well.
What else can I tell you? What other unadulterated, brutal truth that I can tell you or myself? I've told myself everything I ever could. Like a bag of stale chips, I've opened it, retried it, closed it back up again. I guess this time, the chips are too stale to pretend to close it up again like everything will be fresh tomorrow. Yeah...stale chips. That's what this is.
mardi 9 juin 2009
mardi 2 juin 2009
/if today/
If only for today
We were wrapped in emptiness
Where nothing thrives in its nothingness
We would merely be nothing
Together and untouched by the world.
We were wrapped in emptiness
Where nothing thrives in its nothingness
We would merely be nothing
Together and untouched by the world.
/some vegetarians/
ok. disclaimer: I say some, 'cause I know there is a variety of vegetarians with a variety of views.
So I was reading a blog about people in Seoul who ate wriggling, live octopus. Of course, something like that is bound to attract comments like:
Hmm...I honestly don't think any of that can be blamed on us *eating* meat, but rather that we *modify* or *genetically engineer* our foods. It happens to animals, it happens to plants. I *really* don't understand the "harming the ecosystem" thing....I honestly have never heard that come out of any qualified persons in the field of biology/ecology. What I have heard is a variety of reasons why a vegetarian diet (supplemented by alternative sources of proteins and whatever other nutrients meat gives you) would be very healthy. I've also heard how a vegetarian diet can be unhealthy due to a lack of essential nutrients. Anyway, I've always been taught that a "balanced" diet will keep me healthy...plus we are built to be omnivores. When she said that our health is doomed because we're meat eaters...well, we can make ourselves unhealthy by eating anything, really. In my World Prehistory class, it was found through remains of early humans that a switch to sedentary/agriculture lifestyle actually hurt us. All sorts of complications arose from switch to a diet more dependent upon starches as in, "Wow, that bacteria can sure chip away at my teeth while eating that corn stuck on my teeth 'cause I have not yet discovered tooth paste." I'm not sure what that story was supposed to accomplish, but I do know that something like that comment up there was ignorant/close-minded, whatever you want to call it.
So this other comment got to me, and I feel like I must respond:
Firstly, I can't imagine calling anyone a "sick bastard" for choosing to have a certain eating style. Having a set taste myself, I can understand people not getting the point of eating certain things or not eating certain things (like I have been in the past). However, "sick bastard" or a mockery/disgust aimed toward a whole culture of food is uncalled for. :( In terms of just-dead lobster and other similar seafood, I have heard from a lot of people (that I both know and don't know) that it *does* significantly change the taste of the food. While I have not experienced it myself...I don't believe that such a large population of people can all be hallucinating/delusional at the same time. So....I will try to confirm/deny that one day, but for now, I take it, seeing as my sigfig has confirmed it and I trust their judgment.
I aldo don't understand this "cruelty". This is done to try a different taste, texture, and have a different overall dining experience. I don't think anyone is sitting there laughing maniacally and plotting to make the world population of octopus suffer. I also seriously don't think that anyone is getting a sick enjoyment out of eating it....rather I get the feeling that most people who are fascinated by this food (like I am) are simply just curious as to what it tastes like. What's so wrong with being curious about different directions in the exploration of food? While I might be a little squeamish about it at first, I would not be hasty in making judgments about people eating it/the dish itself. In reply to people like that girl in the first comment: I wish I lived in a world where I don't have to be disgusted by people's hasty judgment about a food/food culture.
So I was reading a blog about people in Seoul who ate wriggling, live octopus. Of course, something like that is bound to attract comments like:
i'm a vegetarian, i have been one since before i was born, because my mom had a vegetarian diet while i was in gestation.
I feel sorry for the people who eat animals, because simply they do not know how detrimental for their health this nasty habit they got. they are told since they are born is ok to eat meat. I was told differently...
but these people grow up believing it is ok for them to eat an animal.
I can just imagine how hard it would be for a meat eater to become a vegetarian in a really short time. because i've heard those people just love the taste and can't just stop eating like that...
i feel sorry for them, i truly do
the damage to the ecosystem is gigantic, but they don't care... they are feeding themselves with animal hormons and poisons.... but they don't care, they just love the taste but they don't consider an animal life is being destroyed in the process just cos someone loves how it taste
how sick
i'm ashamed of the planet i'm living in
but i'm sure things will change
and all you meat eaters will pay
first mad cow disease
now avian flu
what else is to come?
Hmm...I honestly don't think any of that can be blamed on us *eating* meat, but rather that we *modify* or *genetically engineer* our foods. It happens to animals, it happens to plants. I *really* don't understand the "harming the ecosystem" thing....I honestly have never heard that come out of any qualified persons in the field of biology/ecology. What I have heard is a variety of reasons why a vegetarian diet (supplemented by alternative sources of proteins and whatever other nutrients meat gives you) would be very healthy. I've also heard how a vegetarian diet can be unhealthy due to a lack of essential nutrients. Anyway, I've always been taught that a "balanced" diet will keep me healthy...plus we are built to be omnivores. When she said that our health is doomed because we're meat eaters...well, we can make ourselves unhealthy by eating anything, really. In my World Prehistory class, it was found through remains of early humans that a switch to sedentary/agriculture lifestyle actually hurt us. All sorts of complications arose from switch to a diet more dependent upon starches as in, "Wow, that bacteria can sure chip away at my teeth while eating that corn stuck on my teeth 'cause I have not yet discovered tooth paste." I'm not sure what that story was supposed to accomplish, but I do know that something like that comment up there was ignorant/close-minded, whatever you want to call it.
So this other comment got to me, and I feel like I must respond:
Why can't they just kill it first, what's the difference in taste!? ... exactly. So stop this cruelty now. Sick sick bastards.
Firstly, I can't imagine calling anyone a "sick bastard" for choosing to have a certain eating style. Having a set taste myself, I can understand people not getting the point of eating certain things or not eating certain things (like I have been in the past). However, "sick bastard" or a mockery/disgust aimed toward a whole culture of food is uncalled for. :( In terms of just-dead lobster and other similar seafood, I have heard from a lot of people (that I both know and don't know) that it *does* significantly change the taste of the food. While I have not experienced it myself...I don't believe that such a large population of people can all be hallucinating/delusional at the same time. So....I will try to confirm/deny that one day, but for now, I take it, seeing as my sigfig has confirmed it and I trust their judgment.
I aldo don't understand this "cruelty". This is done to try a different taste, texture, and have a different overall dining experience. I don't think anyone is sitting there laughing maniacally and plotting to make the world population of octopus suffer. I also seriously don't think that anyone is getting a sick enjoyment out of eating it....rather I get the feeling that most people who are fascinated by this food (like I am) are simply just curious as to what it tastes like. What's so wrong with being curious about different directions in the exploration of food? While I might be a little squeamish about it at first, I would not be hasty in making judgments about people eating it/the dish itself. In reply to people like that girl in the first comment: I wish I lived in a world where I don't have to be disgusted by people's hasty judgment about a food/food culture.
dimanche 31 mai 2009
/bored/
If I was a sim, my social meter would totally be down in the reds right now.
I don't think being honest is too good for me.
I don't think being honest is too good for me.
vendredi 15 mai 2009
/life revisited/
I talked about Jenny and my grandmother before, but it still bothers me now. My grandmother, while someone I haven't talked to in a while, was still someone that I still kept fond feelings for. Someone who raised me and taught me to study and how to like farmer's markets. It was awkward seeing her at the airport, but I gave her that often awkward but very satisfying hug--satisfying in the way that she is really happy. I like making people happy.
Flash forward past all the "oooooo, taco trucks!" and "mom, I'm DYING from hunger!!!" and my grandmother walks in the house, and my sister's there. She hasn't seen my sister in years, and the last time, my sister let her leave thinking that she's hated by Jenny.
Well, walks in, hugs her, Jenny inches away. Yes, she did. I don't even know how to respond to that except for the fact that it makes me really angry.
Flash forward past all the "oooooo, taco trucks!" and "mom, I'm DYING from hunger!!!" and my grandmother walks in the house, and my sister's there. She hasn't seen my sister in years, and the last time, my sister let her leave thinking that she's hated by Jenny.
Well, walks in, hugs her, Jenny inches away. Yes, she did. I don't even know how to respond to that except for the fact that it makes me really angry.
lundi 11 mai 2009
/anyone ever wonder/
After watching WALL-E, ever wonder if anyone else is seeing the increasing amount of similarities that Wal-Mart shares with Buy-n-Large?
lundi 4 mai 2009
/woken from a dream/
I'm not sure what I'm doing sometimes--with these photographs, I mean. Did you know you never used to distract me? I find it harder and harder, as time goes by, to repress. You know what that means, don't you? The inevitable is happening--it only grows stronger every day...my feelings, I mean. If all my sitting and all my waiting would make a wish reality, it wouldn't be as cruel. But the fact retains all the marks of a taunting world--the one that puts me so close. And some days, when I dream, I never want to go back.
/Situations/
Situation number one:
It's the one that's just begun,
But evidently it's too late.
Situation number two:
It's the only chance for you;
It's controlled by denizens of hate.
Situation number three:
It's the one that no one sees;
It's all too often dismissed as fate.
Situation number four:
The one that left you wanting more,
It tantalized you with its bait.
It's the one that's just begun,
But evidently it's too late.
Situation number two:
It's the only chance for you;
It's controlled by denizens of hate.
Situation number three:
It's the one that no one sees;
It's all too often dismissed as fate.
Situation number four:
The one that left you wanting more,
It tantalized you with its bait.
vendredi 1 mai 2009
/full personality in 8 questions/
and on facebook, no less.
You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.
You have a need for other people to like and admire you, and yet you tend to be critical of yourself. While you have some personality weaknesses you are generally able to compensate for them. You have considerable unused capacity that you have not turned to your advantage. Disciplined and self-controlled on the outside, you tend to be worrisome and insecure on the inside. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. You prefer a certain amount of change and variety and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. You also pride yourself as an independent thinker; and do not accept others' statements without satisfactory proof. But you have found it unwise to be too frank in revealing yourself to others. At times you are extroverted, affable, and sociable, while at other times you are introverted, wary, and reserved. Some of your aspirations tend to be rather unrealistic.
/please ignore the next few lines/
Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
Now I was sitting, waiting, wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs.
But Lord knows that this world is cruel.
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool,
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you.
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance;
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you.
And maybe you been through this before,
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you.
I cant always be waiting waiting on you;
I cant always be playing playing your fool.
I keep playing your part,
But its not my scene.
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down.
Well I'm already down,
Just wait a minute...
Just sitting waiting...
Just wait a minute...
Just sitting waiting.
Well, if I was in your position,
I'd put down all my ammunition--
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long.
But Lord knows that I'm not you,
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do.
Now I was sitting, waiting, wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs.
But Lord knows that this world is cruel.
And I ain't the Lord, no I'm just a fool,
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you.
Must I always be waiting waiting on you?
Must I always be playing playing your fool?
I sing ya songs I dance a dance
I gave ya friends all a chance;
Putting up with them wasn't worth never having you.
And maybe you been through this before,
But its my first time
So please ignore
The next few lines cause they're directed at you.
I cant always be waiting waiting on you;
I cant always be playing playing your fool.
I keep playing your part,
But its not my scene.
Wont this plot not twist?
I've had enough mystery.
Keep building me up, then shooting me down.
Well I'm already down,
Just wait a minute...
Just sitting waiting...
Just wait a minute...
Just sitting waiting.
Well, if I was in your position,
I'd put down all my ammunition--
I'd wondered why'd it taken me so long.
But Lord knows that I'm not you,
And If I was I wouldn't be so cruel
Cause waiting on love ain't so easy to do.
jeudi 30 avril 2009
/Mar/
ehhhhhhh. I have no idea what I want to type, I just want to type something. Maybe I should be studying? Maybe I type when I'm stressed. I honestly don't know what my stress defense mechanisms are. I often do not know how to recognize that I'm stressed. I don't think I am. One day this stress will be gone. I was talking to Travis the other day about death and how I think it's one giant, restful nap. God, I wish that was the case; how wonderful it would be to finally be able to nap for as long as you can. Travis thinks it's pointless nothingness since you have no consciousness and, therefore, can't enjoy or even be aware of the fact that you're "resting" or "napping". Is that right? Sometimes I wish I could just take a break from everything. If only there was a day when everything just stops and stands around, in limbo. I think that honestly I only look forward to maybe 2 things at the start of each day:
1) sleeping again
and
2) .....hmm....yeah.
Two things, is that too much? So my birthday was celebrated the other day, with F and P. It was a nice surprise...haha, leave it up to P (and maybe F) to figure out that the best surprise you can get me for my birthday would be well...yeah. Hah. God, I wish I was more materialistic, then I can be just as happy over a pair of shoes. That is to say, I would have more happy moments like that.
I had a stats exam today. Boy, I have never been that unhappy with an exam. Anxiety has never been a major part of my post-exam plan. However, it seems like I have no choice here. Anxiety over things I have no control over. You know, for someone making good grades in that class, I don't think I should be so nervous. Geez. But I am. What can I do?
I have been bouncing back and forth between eating good food and eating blah. By blah, I mean things that either makes me sick afterward, or things that make me wish I was sick because it did not sit well in my stomach. On that note, I tried bubble tea at Chill Bubble Tea last night, while wandering around Franklin St, and I realized that while two different bubble tea shops might both opt for the powdered bubble tea, that does not necessarily mean that both shops' avocado bubble tea will taste the same. Damn was that the worse avocado "shake" I've had. The other shop was Ningyo Bubble Tea, or something. Means mermaid? It's on Hillsborough St, in Raleigh. They were so convincing that I thought they used real avocados for their shake. We saw powder later, but damn was that some good shake. I recommend it. The extra money is worth every drop.
1) sleeping again
and
2) .....hmm....yeah.
Two things, is that too much? So my birthday was celebrated the other day, with F and P. It was a nice surprise...haha, leave it up to P (and maybe F) to figure out that the best surprise you can get me for my birthday would be well...yeah. Hah. God, I wish I was more materialistic, then I can be just as happy over a pair of shoes. That is to say, I would have more happy moments like that.
I had a stats exam today. Boy, I have never been that unhappy with an exam. Anxiety has never been a major part of my post-exam plan. However, it seems like I have no choice here. Anxiety over things I have no control over. You know, for someone making good grades in that class, I don't think I should be so nervous. Geez. But I am. What can I do?
I have been bouncing back and forth between eating good food and eating blah. By blah, I mean things that either makes me sick afterward, or things that make me wish I was sick because it did not sit well in my stomach. On that note, I tried bubble tea at Chill Bubble Tea last night, while wandering around Franklin St, and I realized that while two different bubble tea shops might both opt for the powdered bubble tea, that does not necessarily mean that both shops' avocado bubble tea will taste the same. Damn was that the worse avocado "shake" I've had. The other shop was Ningyo Bubble Tea, or something. Means mermaid? It's on Hillsborough St, in Raleigh. They were so convincing that I thought they used real avocados for their shake. We saw powder later, but damn was that some good shake. I recommend it. The extra money is worth every drop.
dimanche 19 avril 2009
a and b
a voice: perfect pitch, lovely tone, fitting tempo--a symphony for my soul
a silhouette: soft edge, warm hue, charming--a fleeting touch
a quiver: in anticipation, for you, for proximity
a sigh: for truth, which will remain...
a fact that you and I will never...
b.
a silhouette: soft edge, warm hue, charming--a fleeting touch
a quiver: in anticipation, for you, for proximity
a sigh: for truth, which will remain...
a fact that you and I will never...
b.
lundi 6 avril 2009
Everything comes in pairs
"We were given two hands to hold, two legs to walk, two eyes to see, two ears to listen, but why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else for us to find."
LOL
It seems my internet etiquette has gotten out of hand. Dear, dear...my lack of expression of tone makes everything complicated. Bah...now this is going to amuse me for the next few days, I assume. Usually, despite my emotions and honesty, I am pretty good with making sure I'm not an ass in reply to another person's blog. My own blog, I might not care, but another's blog I do care. God, I feel like an ass now. However....this has made me want to check for more comments to my posts. It's so rare, those comments. I could be ignoring several different people right now! Think about all those unfinished and possibly interesting conversations...
On a completely random note, I want to try out several different places: Carrboro Farmer's Market, Cliff's Meat Market, The taco stand in this article, some of these places, and 411 West's sister restaurants. I shall also make more of an effort to buy from Weaver St. Market, though this poor college student can't make that guarantee.
How many times will I edit this tonight? Read. it's good. I can only hope to be this beautifully eloquent, but I can't. Bah, I lack the means to express what I feel.
Ahhh...I can't believe I've forgotten to post about this kid: Sungha Jung--fingerstyle guitar rocks. Travis insists that he's not that great, but if he can appreciate rock bands who pull out repetitive arrangements of chords--sometimes in more than one song--then I don't know why he can't appreciate this.
On a completely random note, I want to try out several different places: Carrboro Farmer's Market, Cliff's Meat Market, The taco stand in this article, some of these places, and 411 West's sister restaurants. I shall also make more of an effort to buy from Weaver St. Market, though this poor college student can't make that guarantee.
How many times will I edit this tonight? Read. it's good. I can only hope to be this beautifully eloquent, but I can't. Bah, I lack the means to express what I feel.
Ahhh...I can't believe I've forgotten to post about this kid: Sungha Jung--fingerstyle guitar rocks. Travis insists that he's not that great, but if he can appreciate rock bands who pull out repetitive arrangements of chords--sometimes in more than one song--then I don't know why he can't appreciate this.
God, I gotta stop thinking so late at night
I can't sleep. So tonight's segment is--unfortunately for those of you who torture yourself with this excuse for a blog--my regrets.
There are quite a few things I am regretting at this moment. I think the biggest one of all is that I couldn't do a better job of being a roommate. You know, I think that will continue to be one of my biggest....not regrets, but....mental obstacle. It's like...I'm not sure how to describe it. It blows my mind to know we're so good with each other while managing to be completely out of tune at the same time. I don't understand why one of us is out looking for a fitting roommate while one of us is constantly adding things to the "omg, I want to pull my hair out sometimes" list. It kills me to know I'm so much better now but I've somehow managed to screw up my first and probably only chance two years ago. Fuck me. Sometimes I think to myself, "Why were you so stupid?!" The stupidity lies both in the fact that I acted like an "iduiot" and the fact that I willingly let them go. Ahhhhhhhhh........Sometimes I wonder if their decision really was as spur-of-the-moment as was conveyed to me, or was the decision more of an "Ahhh...I want to pull my hair out sometimes" thing that was drawn over a longer period of time. Sometimes I wished I had been more selfish and said, "No...I DO care greatly about you not leaving. I DO think that you'd love to stay," instead of spewing all that crap I didn't believe in. You know...the kind that said, "Well, I think that you should move out if that's what you really want," or, "Do whatever makes you happier." Ah. I guess on the other hand, I never really could believe that I would be the happier choice. There was no indication save some rare moments of pure contentment--during those second/third trimesters. Screw all the annoying natures of my personality. Screw it all. It sucks to be lying in a room at night while your current roommate is sexing it up with her significant other and you are on the phone with a sleeping one of yours. On top of that, it sucks to be thinking about how you could've had a better one had you not fudged it all up two years ago.
Well, no use griping about it now. Sometimes I wonder if we're not roommates now because of the more extenuating circumstances currently surrounding my life. If so, I regret that I would never be able to choose between the two. Ahh...who knows. Wondering would only make my nights more agonizingly sleep-deprived.
There are quite a few things I am regretting at this moment. I think the biggest one of all is that I couldn't do a better job of being a roommate. You know, I think that will continue to be one of my biggest....not regrets, but....mental obstacle. It's like...I'm not sure how to describe it. It blows my mind to know we're so good with each other while managing to be completely out of tune at the same time. I don't understand why one of us is out looking for a fitting roommate while one of us is constantly adding things to the "omg, I want to pull my hair out sometimes" list. It kills me to know I'm so much better now but I've somehow managed to screw up my first and probably only chance two years ago. Fuck me. Sometimes I think to myself, "Why were you so stupid?!" The stupidity lies both in the fact that I acted like an "iduiot" and the fact that I willingly let them go. Ahhhhhhhhh........Sometimes I wonder if their decision really was as spur-of-the-moment as was conveyed to me, or was the decision more of an "Ahhh...I want to pull my hair out sometimes" thing that was drawn over a longer period of time. Sometimes I wished I had been more selfish and said, "No...I DO care greatly about you not leaving. I DO think that you'd love to stay," instead of spewing all that crap I didn't believe in. You know...the kind that said, "Well, I think that you should move out if that's what you really want," or, "Do whatever makes you happier." Ah. I guess on the other hand, I never really could believe that I would be the happier choice. There was no indication save some rare moments of pure contentment--during those second/third trimesters. Screw all the annoying natures of my personality. Screw it all. It sucks to be lying in a room at night while your current roommate is sexing it up with her significant other and you are on the phone with a sleeping one of yours. On top of that, it sucks to be thinking about how you could've had a better one had you not fudged it all up two years ago.
Well, no use griping about it now. Sometimes I wonder if we're not roommates now because of the more extenuating circumstances currently surrounding my life. If so, I regret that I would never be able to choose between the two. Ahh...who knows. Wondering would only make my nights more agonizingly sleep-deprived.
lundi 30 mars 2009
roomate and her boyfriend
So...even though I'm a pretty mean person, and I'm pretty sure I scare a lot of the people that I interact with (but don't care about) sometimes, I have a problem with being vocal about my negative feelings for them. This usually only applies to habitual actions, 'cause I feel like voicing the same negative thoughts over and over again is nagging, and I hate nagging (received or given). So a lot of things have piled up over the course of these past few months about my roommate and her boyfriend.
1) He's a very messy person and I've roomed with her before (and didn't have a problem) so most of the mess, I think, is his. I observe this after coming back from christmas break, and I confirmed that I was right. His clothes, his tennis bag, his papers and books dominate hers, even though she throws that around, too. Today, I woke up and looked down at the floor, it was HORRENDOUS. I mean, the messed had started to come over to my side of the room. I was grumpy. They left for dinner with her sister, and I kicked their crap over to her side, took a shower and straightened up the crap on the couch ('cause it's the common area, which I use). I straightened up my side as well, since I've been letting the state of my side go for the past few days.
2) I showered, but when I got back I couldn't find my clothes, and then remembered that we (being me and my roommate) washed our (being mine, hers AND his) together and the whites were still together from me having to re-dry them (due to his and her lack of ability to feel that the clothes were damp). Seeing as how my clothes were outnumbered by theirs in the whites department, I proceeded to dig it out in order to get dressed. After spending 10 minutes on that task with fruitless results, I decided that for the SECOND time, I would organize (fold) their clothes in order to rescue mine. He doesn't even wash his own clothes, for God's sakes, at least he can fold it (or even she can, 'cause I frankly don't care).
3) We divided (roommate and I) the dishes and the trash since I hate trash and she hates dishes. Well, I've been washing it whenever the bin gets full or whenever I run out of dishes (I have less than hers, so I run out more quickly). I can't say that she's been doing the same for trash. And after having to take 2 bags of trash out last time, in all fairness, she should be washing the dishes tomorrow. I'm not going to make her do that, though.
4) He eats out food. Plain and simple. He eats over here, which I don't mine, but he doesn't cook, doesn't wash dishes, and he eats A LOT. Worst example was when I left class in a hurry and didn't get to eat expecting to come back to some rice. I knew they'd eat, but we had about 1.5-2 cups left (out of 4 cups total) and somehow, he managed to get so much that I had 1/3 of one of my bowls (which is smaller than the bowl they used) left. Nice. It then went into feeding me and Tracy. Yeah. Ugh. Disgusting and inconsiderate.
5) Recycling is ALWAYS full. They're supposed to take that out when it's full; it goes along with trash duty. Enough said.
6) He takes my water. I have a pack of bottled water that is supposed to last me for two or three weeks. Last time I went through 6 packs of bottled water (24 per pack) 'cause they keep taking bottles of water. They use nalgene bottles, so they refill from the fountain. It's not because they hate fountain water here; they take my water 'cause they were TOO LAZY TO GO TO THE FOUNTAIN DOWN THE HALL. Really? Like, REALLY?
7) He uses my computer. Why? 'Cause for some reason that we have not yet figured out ('cause he's too lazy to go get a ResNET to look at it), his laptop is REALLY slow and takes "too long to start up". Plops down, takes my computer. It's not that much of a problem, but I feel like my privacy is being invaded and I don't appreciate that. I don't appreciate coming back to my computer being out of battery 'cause it was used and then not hibernated afterward. (The plug is on my side of the room, so to use it, he unplugs and takes it over to her bed)
8) She and I are a bit germophobic, and we don't like dirty things, especially on our beds. He comes back from tennis practice sometimes and she forbids him to sit on her bed, so he sits on mine. WTF. WTF, Travis? He doesn't do it every time, though, so that's good. Sometimes, it won't be right after practice, but he still hasn't showered, and he comes in later and sits on my bed, claiming that "he's not sweaty". BAH. Still dirty!
9) When he does sit on my bed, he plops down on anything that's on it, like my comforter, which I don't like people to do. One time, he even sits on it with his socks on! Dirty, smelly socks that left a vague odor after he stood up. Granted we were working on a lab together 'cause we're lab partners, but still...have some decency, man! That same occasion, he was leaning against my pillow, 'cause I let him borrow it since leaning against the wall is a bitch, he farted! FARTED! IT'S MY FUCKING PILLOW, DAMMIT! He laughs it off, saying it's ok. *I* don't even fart on my pillow!
10) When he sits down on my bed oftentimes to tie his shoe ('cause he can use the metal ledge from my bed to prop his foot--understandable), he doesn't care about the fact that his show is stepping on the sheets that are a bit loosely fitted around the side of the mattress. Granted it's not a part that I lie on or breathe, but that's just disgusting. Stacy did the same thing the other day (touch/step on the sheets) when the bottom of her pant legs were wet from the rain. It left damp (DIRTY) marks on the side of my bed, dangerously close to making it on the top surface of my bed. Teh funny part? Later, I hear her yelling at him for letting the pant legs (of the same pair of pants) touch her sheets. How rich. HOW FUCKING RICH.
11) I don't care much about this one anymore since I've stopped caring about being extra quiet when they're sleeping, but oftentimes, they'll walk into the room while I'm sleeping/napping and have no idea what the word "whisper" means. Sad part was I think they were trying to whisper. Not just that, things were dropped down/accidentally dropped to the floor (I think a backpack or papers or something), and music/videos were played (though on low volume). I ended up waking up, a bit grumpy, and they had no idea that my sleep was just rudely disrupted. Fuck everything to hell. I'm a light sleeper, and my roommate was supposed to know that. I think they bank it on the fact that they've come in before and I didn't hear them.
I'm just too angry, and I have stats hw to do. I think this is enough venting for tonight. God, they disgust me as a couple sometimes. I'm not THAT much of a neat freak, but at least I have the decency to think about watching myself for these things. Ugh. Fuck it all to hell.
1) He's a very messy person and I've roomed with her before (and didn't have a problem) so most of the mess, I think, is his. I observe this after coming back from christmas break, and I confirmed that I was right. His clothes, his tennis bag, his papers and books dominate hers, even though she throws that around, too. Today, I woke up and looked down at the floor, it was HORRENDOUS. I mean, the messed had started to come over to my side of the room. I was grumpy. They left for dinner with her sister, and I kicked their crap over to her side, took a shower and straightened up the crap on the couch ('cause it's the common area, which I use). I straightened up my side as well, since I've been letting the state of my side go for the past few days.
2) I showered, but when I got back I couldn't find my clothes, and then remembered that we (being me and my roommate) washed our (being mine, hers AND his) together and the whites were still together from me having to re-dry them (due to his and her lack of ability to feel that the clothes were damp). Seeing as how my clothes were outnumbered by theirs in the whites department, I proceeded to dig it out in order to get dressed. After spending 10 minutes on that task with fruitless results, I decided that for the SECOND time, I would organize (fold) their clothes in order to rescue mine. He doesn't even wash his own clothes, for God's sakes, at least he can fold it (or even she can, 'cause I frankly don't care).
3) We divided (roommate and I) the dishes and the trash since I hate trash and she hates dishes. Well, I've been washing it whenever the bin gets full or whenever I run out of dishes (I have less than hers, so I run out more quickly). I can't say that she's been doing the same for trash. And after having to take 2 bags of trash out last time, in all fairness, she should be washing the dishes tomorrow. I'm not going to make her do that, though.
4) He eats out food. Plain and simple. He eats over here, which I don't mine, but he doesn't cook, doesn't wash dishes, and he eats A LOT. Worst example was when I left class in a hurry and didn't get to eat expecting to come back to some rice. I knew they'd eat, but we had about 1.5-2 cups left (out of 4 cups total) and somehow, he managed to get so much that I had 1/3 of one of my bowls (which is smaller than the bowl they used) left. Nice. It then went into feeding me and Tracy. Yeah. Ugh. Disgusting and inconsiderate.
5) Recycling is ALWAYS full. They're supposed to take that out when it's full; it goes along with trash duty. Enough said.
6) He takes my water. I have a pack of bottled water that is supposed to last me for two or three weeks. Last time I went through 6 packs of bottled water (24 per pack) 'cause they keep taking bottles of water. They use nalgene bottles, so they refill from the fountain. It's not because they hate fountain water here; they take my water 'cause they were TOO LAZY TO GO TO THE FOUNTAIN DOWN THE HALL. Really? Like, REALLY?
7) He uses my computer. Why? 'Cause for some reason that we have not yet figured out ('cause he's too lazy to go get a ResNET to look at it), his laptop is REALLY slow and takes "too long to start up". Plops down, takes my computer. It's not that much of a problem, but I feel like my privacy is being invaded and I don't appreciate that. I don't appreciate coming back to my computer being out of battery 'cause it was used and then not hibernated afterward. (The plug is on my side of the room, so to use it, he unplugs and takes it over to her bed)
8) She and I are a bit germophobic, and we don't like dirty things, especially on our beds. He comes back from tennis practice sometimes and she forbids him to sit on her bed, so he sits on mine. WTF. WTF, Travis? He doesn't do it every time, though, so that's good. Sometimes, it won't be right after practice, but he still hasn't showered, and he comes in later and sits on my bed, claiming that "he's not sweaty". BAH. Still dirty!
9) When he does sit on my bed, he plops down on anything that's on it, like my comforter, which I don't like people to do. One time, he even sits on it with his socks on! Dirty, smelly socks that left a vague odor after he stood up. Granted we were working on a lab together 'cause we're lab partners, but still...have some decency, man! That same occasion, he was leaning against my pillow, 'cause I let him borrow it since leaning against the wall is a bitch, he farted! FARTED! IT'S MY FUCKING PILLOW, DAMMIT! He laughs it off, saying it's ok. *I* don't even fart on my pillow!
10) When he sits down on my bed oftentimes to tie his shoe ('cause he can use the metal ledge from my bed to prop his foot--understandable), he doesn't care about the fact that his show is stepping on the sheets that are a bit loosely fitted around the side of the mattress. Granted it's not a part that I lie on or breathe, but that's just disgusting. Stacy did the same thing the other day (touch/step on the sheets) when the bottom of her pant legs were wet from the rain. It left damp (DIRTY) marks on the side of my bed, dangerously close to making it on the top surface of my bed. Teh funny part? Later, I hear her yelling at him for letting the pant legs (of the same pair of pants) touch her sheets. How rich. HOW FUCKING RICH.
11) I don't care much about this one anymore since I've stopped caring about being extra quiet when they're sleeping, but oftentimes, they'll walk into the room while I'm sleeping/napping and have no idea what the word "whisper" means. Sad part was I think they were trying to whisper. Not just that, things were dropped down/accidentally dropped to the floor (I think a backpack or papers or something), and music/videos were played (though on low volume). I ended up waking up, a bit grumpy, and they had no idea that my sleep was just rudely disrupted. Fuck everything to hell. I'm a light sleeper, and my roommate was supposed to know that. I think they bank it on the fact that they've come in before and I didn't hear them.
I'm just too angry, and I have stats hw to do. I think this is enough venting for tonight. God, they disgust me as a couple sometimes. I'm not THAT much of a neat freak, but at least I have the decency to think about watching myself for these things. Ugh. Fuck it all to hell.
dimanche 29 mars 2009
Idiot TAs
Most of the time, I find that TAs are well-chosen for their intelligence and sometimes their abilities to teach. In my case, neither of those criteria are met.
For a bio lab report that I turned in and got back recently, I received a less than satisfactory grade where half of the point deductions were actually things I was being stupid on; not proofreading leading to ridiculous words being chosen by spell-check, excluded words that rendered my sentences nonsensical, and misnaming of a piece of equipment used due to a horrible misunderstanding on my part (spectometer used in place of spectrophotometer), and carelessness in not naming and organizing graphs and data.
Aside from those heinous mistakes, I have managed to, apparently, gather up some other minor grammatical errors:
1) "because when the same batch (singular) of chloroplasts was exposed to two different colored lights. --do you see why the "was" had to be changed to a "were" to be grammatically correct? I don't. the verb referred to the ONE batch of chloroplasts we used so one batch--was.
2) "It allowed us to get used to the machine--in order to improve out speed in measurement--because the dark tube, for instance, should not be exposed to light for too long when being measured."--this means that we got used to the machine to improve our quickness so that we wouldn't take too long to measure the dark tube (which lets light in). She put "and" in place of the first -- and turned the second -- into the start of parentheses that went around "because...measured." I....have no idea how that improved my sentence grammatically.
I also gathered up some other mistakes like:
1) declaring the dark tube as the control instead of the clear cellophane tube--for this mistake, my group initially set the clear cellophane as the control to measure how changes in light color affects photosynthesis. Instead of changing the light, we used clear and green cellophanes to wrap two differen tubes. We had a calibration tube also. The TA came over and asked "What's your control?" and we told her. she then proceeded to say "Shouldn't you have ANOTHER control?" eh? "you should also have a dark tube." ah.....ok. WRONG! Apparently, she changed her mind between then and the time she graded the paper--"dark tube not necessary--then clear tube is control" was her comment on my paper.
2) "Should include rate of photosynthesis fo each variable tested." I did include a table (labeled) with green cellophane and clear cellophane rate of photosynthesis data. There was only ONE variable being tested....not sure what "other variables" she was thinking of.
Oddness. I can't believe someone like this is grading my papers and teaching me.
For a bio lab report that I turned in and got back recently, I received a less than satisfactory grade where half of the point deductions were actually things I was being stupid on; not proofreading leading to ridiculous words being chosen by spell-check, excluded words that rendered my sentences nonsensical, and misnaming of a piece of equipment used due to a horrible misunderstanding on my part (spectometer used in place of spectrophotometer), and carelessness in not naming and organizing graphs and data.
Aside from those heinous mistakes, I have managed to, apparently, gather up some other minor grammatical errors:
1) "because when the same batch (singular) of chloroplasts was exposed to two different colored lights. --do you see why the "was" had to be changed to a "were" to be grammatically correct? I don't. the verb referred to the ONE batch of chloroplasts we used so one batch--was.
2) "It allowed us to get used to the machine--in order to improve out speed in measurement--because the dark tube, for instance, should not be exposed to light for too long when being measured."--this means that we got used to the machine to improve our quickness so that we wouldn't take too long to measure the dark tube (which lets light in). She put "and" in place of the first -- and turned the second -- into the start of parentheses that went around "because...measured." I....have no idea how that improved my sentence grammatically.
I also gathered up some other mistakes like:
1) declaring the dark tube as the control instead of the clear cellophane tube--for this mistake, my group initially set the clear cellophane as the control to measure how changes in light color affects photosynthesis. Instead of changing the light, we used clear and green cellophanes to wrap two differen tubes. We had a calibration tube also. The TA came over and asked "What's your control?" and we told her. she then proceeded to say "Shouldn't you have ANOTHER control?" eh? "you should also have a dark tube." ah.....ok. WRONG! Apparently, she changed her mind between then and the time she graded the paper--"dark tube not necessary--then clear tube is control" was her comment on my paper.
2) "Should include rate of photosynthesis fo each variable tested." I did include a table (labeled) with green cellophane and clear cellophane rate of photosynthesis data. There was only ONE variable being tested....not sure what "other variables" she was thinking of.
Oddness. I can't believe someone like this is grading my papers and teaching me.
mardi 17 mars 2009
I guess I should apologize first, since this subject gets old. Does loving someone mean never giving up on them? Or does it mean being able to let them go? Never giving up...I wonder if that works. I wonder if it means giving up the pursuit. Does it mean to persist until it's been seen?
I had a dream a few days ago. It was pleasant. It was someone I liked. You know that happened? We've all had sketchy dreams. Did you know what this was? Holding hands, brief hug, etc. It was so pleasant and surprisingly simple--that is to say...innocent. I didn't wake up puzzled or disturbed at myself. Instead, I awoke with a sense of loss, it was sad, it was tragic as it always is to dream about things that will never happen. I felt a slight sense of emptiness, like I should have jumped back into that dream world, bask in the happiness that I can't have in real life. It's been a long time since I've taken a walk around school like that. Makes me want to ask now, but busy schedules and hesitation makes it seem improbable. It's slightly agonizing. Sometimes I wish I was able to do more impressive things, I wish my modes of expression weren't such simple everyday tasks. I want so badly to make them happy, sometimes it's frustrating to not be able to do anything outside of what I already do. Does that make sense? Shouldn't I be able to take charge of the impression I want to leave?
I think every time I try to think about it, the problem seems to be the apparent fact that I want something I simply cannot have.
I had a dream a few days ago. It was pleasant. It was someone I liked. You know that happened? We've all had sketchy dreams. Did you know what this was? Holding hands, brief hug, etc. It was so pleasant and surprisingly simple--that is to say...innocent. I didn't wake up puzzled or disturbed at myself. Instead, I awoke with a sense of loss, it was sad, it was tragic as it always is to dream about things that will never happen. I felt a slight sense of emptiness, like I should have jumped back into that dream world, bask in the happiness that I can't have in real life. It's been a long time since I've taken a walk around school like that. Makes me want to ask now, but busy schedules and hesitation makes it seem improbable. It's slightly agonizing. Sometimes I wish I was able to do more impressive things, I wish my modes of expression weren't such simple everyday tasks. I want so badly to make them happy, sometimes it's frustrating to not be able to do anything outside of what I already do. Does that make sense? Shouldn't I be able to take charge of the impression I want to leave?
I think every time I try to think about it, the problem seems to be the apparent fact that I want something I simply cannot have.
dimanche 8 mars 2009
August Rush OST
I like the music in there a lot. I think it's my kind of music. Heh....idk what kind that is, but this is part of it. You need an imeem account, I think, to listen to that.
http://www.imeem.com/people/jiVmcAn/playlist/LGKFrSum/august-rush-ost-music-playlist/
"This Time" is good.
http://www.imeem.com/people/jiVmcAn/playlist/LGKFrSum/august-rush-ost-music-playlist/
"This Time" is good.
I've been sitting watching life pass from the sidelines
Been waiting for a dream to seep in through my blinds
I wondered what might happen if I left this all behind
Would the wind be at my back ? Could I get you off my mind?
"I think people fall in love under the circumstances of the unknown"
That's what I said today while watching August Rush. When I watch movies, I see situations portrayed of people meeting once, not knowing anything about each other, and suddenly they fall in love. In August Rush, for instance, they met once, then never saw each other again. I think what happens...is that you wonders about what would have happened if you were together. Haha...I guess the way I'm explaining it, it's nothing more than curiosity, but I don't believe so. I'm not sure which one causes the other...the love or the curiosity. I mean....you could make an argument for either scenario. You think about it 'cause the curiosity gnaws at you...or the curiosity gnaws at you when you think about it. I don't know. Half the time, I have no idea why I have such unhealthy thoughts. I don't know how to make it go away. You would think it goes away when you're closer, but it's louder then, only louder. Sometimes I just want it to stop...the curiosity gets to be too much. Half the time, I blog about it. It's disconcerting, but it's true. Maybe this is what it's supposed to be. I'm happy, though, always happy. I also would like to have the August Rush soundtrack.
samedi 28 février 2009
bah
Sometimes I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I'm really tired lately...and not sleeping enough doesn't help, either. I've missed phone calls, alarms, I even sleep with the light on, while reading a book. I've also fallen asleep while I'm doing french hw. I also start bleeding at strange times...blah. I'm sick of feeling like shit. I can barely function normally...it's hard to think sometimes, and I get headaches when I get cold. I'm just frustrated with everything today.
samedi 21 février 2009
movies
It seems like the end of 2008 has been trying to recover from the horrors (both figuratively AND literally) of early 2008. There are many films that I actually want to see and some that I have already seen. Surprisingly, there are a few 2008 movies that I wanted to see (both from interest and both recommendations from friends). Let's start with those that I *have* seen.
Slumdog Millionaire (2008)--I can honestly say that this is one of the best movies that I have seen in a while. I mean....I have stopped watching movies seriously for a while now. This, of course, does not involve Wall-E, I consider it an animation, but that's another story. Anyway, I was very impressed with the storyline and how it managed to pull at me. I mean, of course I knew that they would somehow find each other, that he would win the millions and that by the end of the movie, the two would've experienced a lot of hardships that pulled her away from him again, and again, and again. I guess if I really thought about it, I would have realized before it happened that the last question would've had something to do with a cute little fact we heard once in the film...and that he would not remember, but luck pulled him through 'cause it's fate. BAH...it's cheesy as hell, anyone with half a brain would know that. However, it was well-filmed...and as hard as it is to believe, I fall for that kind of crap. It's like an eloquent car salesman that got me to buy a GM truck for....well, to buy a GM truck! Anyway, stabs at GM aside, I want to say that this film is so well-crafted and the story is so well-woven that it would be a waste if you didn't see it. As for how you see it, that's up to you.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)--I watched this. There were tears <.< yes...don't ask. There were heartbreaking parts. They touched upon some of the more obscure problems in a relationship and wrapped it up in a star-crossed (or in this case, age-crossed) lovers package. Nice. The storyline is strange, realistic seeming, but very surreal still. Now close enough to home for me. You know? I would pick Slumdog Millionaire over Benjamin Button any day. No matter what, I think Kate Winslet and Brad Pitt did a really nice job. I really like Kate Winslet, I think. This one won me over for costumes and picture quality....art? I don't know if there's a category for that for Oscars, but I that's exactly the thing I liked about it.
Changeling (2008)--This was an interesting movie. It's worth seeing, definitely. Although I have to say that Angelina Jolie's acting, in my opinion, was lacking. I mean....she's really good, it seems, in the action movies. Despite my hatred for the movie (for its lack of an intelligent plot), Mr. and Mrs. Smith was one of those movies that I would see just for the fight scenes. Anyway, it seems like her "broken" role was not the best I've seen. Although I have to admit I do not find those types of characters very convincing most of the time. I definitely have to say that other than "i will fight this" and some crying and "This is not my son!" "Where is my son?!" and "Give me back my son!", I didn't find anything too...original about her lines. I'd expect a real person to have a wider range of emotions and dialogs. I blame that, though, not on Angelina herself, but the people from whom the script came. I didn't like the ending, mainly because I was kind of led to believe that a conclusion will be offered, but not having a conclusion is not really to be blamed on anyone involved with the film. I think it was nicely filmed, but it was very clear-cut, not in anyway trying to be artful. not my preferred style, but well-directed.
WALL-E (2008)--I thought this was a surprisingly adorable movie for one that's targeted at kids. There's no doubt that a Pixar movie will be pretty, so let's not talk about that. I guess this one is a little closer to home than all the other ones. There was something in there that I loved about it, and it's possibly something that I love in my real life. Yes, I am biased. We most often are. Heh, I can't explain how much I love this movie and why, but I do know that it's the first animated movie I've found that I will love for a really long time. I also really liked the apple computer-like sound that he made when he charged and turned on again at the end of the movie.
Definitely, Maybe (2008)--You know...I guess this is another cheesy, yet interesting way to spin a love story. God, who would've guessed that adding a kid you had with another woman will help you with your love life? Abigail Breslin is a nice kid to see in this movie. Anyway...heartwarming, nothing that'll make one of my favorites, but it's a good movie nonetheless. I usually am not into these types of movies, so it's not surprising if it's a good movie and still won't make my list.
The Dark Knight (2008)--I didn't like this movie. I didn't like it because it didn't interest me. A better Christian Bale movie was Equilibrium. It was a nice movie, no doubt, but I don't know what the point was to it. Just like I don't see the point in movies like Spiderman, Batman or James Bond. Eh.
Doubt (2008)--the marketing of this movie is very interesting, but I got very bored of it after a little bit into the movie. It's boring, and I think that the point was very strained to become movie length. Eh. Not good.
The Reader (2008)--I want to see this a lot...I'm not sure where I'm going to get this.
The Lives of Others (2006)--I recently saw this at school because a really good friend of mine had to see it for a poli sci class. WOW, what a required movie! It had such good layering of details. It's like detail upon detail, upon detail of emotions and cleverness. It's a very thoughtful movie. It made me think about my life, as do most good movies do.
Wanted (2008)--angelina Jolie is much nicer in this kind of movie. She screams badass in these, why not do them? Anyway, the best part of this movie is hearing Morgan Freeman say "mothafucka"
Slumdog Millionaire (2008)--I can honestly say that this is one of the best movies that I have seen in a while. I mean....I have stopped watching movies seriously for a while now. This, of course, does not involve Wall-E, I consider it an animation, but that's another story. Anyway, I was very impressed with the storyline and how it managed to pull at me. I mean, of course I knew that they would somehow find each other, that he would win the millions and that by the end of the movie, the two would've experienced a lot of hardships that pulled her away from him again, and again, and again. I guess if I really thought about it, I would have realized before it happened that the last question would've had something to do with a cute little fact we heard once in the film...and that he would not remember, but luck pulled him through 'cause it's fate. BAH...it's cheesy as hell, anyone with half a brain would know that. However, it was well-filmed...and as hard as it is to believe, I fall for that kind of crap. It's like an eloquent car salesman that got me to buy a GM truck for....well, to buy a GM truck! Anyway, stabs at GM aside, I want to say that this film is so well-crafted and the story is so well-woven that it would be a waste if you didn't see it. As for how you see it, that's up to you.
The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)--I watched this. There were tears <.< yes...don't ask. There were heartbreaking parts. They touched upon some of the more obscure problems in a relationship and wrapped it up in a star-crossed (or in this case, age-crossed) lovers package. Nice. The storyline is strange, realistic seeming, but very surreal still. Now close enough to home for me. You know? I would pick Slumdog Millionaire over Benjamin Button any day. No matter what, I think Kate Winslet and Brad Pitt did a really nice job. I really like Kate Winslet, I think. This one won me over for costumes and picture quality....art? I don't know if there's a category for that for Oscars, but I that's exactly the thing I liked about it.
Changeling (2008)--This was an interesting movie. It's worth seeing, definitely. Although I have to say that Angelina Jolie's acting, in my opinion, was lacking. I mean....she's really good, it seems, in the action movies. Despite my hatred for the movie (for its lack of an intelligent plot), Mr. and Mrs. Smith was one of those movies that I would see just for the fight scenes. Anyway, it seems like her "broken" role was not the best I've seen. Although I have to admit I do not find those types of characters very convincing most of the time. I definitely have to say that other than "i will fight this" and some crying and "This is not my son!" "Where is my son?!" and "Give me back my son!", I didn't find anything too...original about her lines. I'd expect a real person to have a wider range of emotions and dialogs. I blame that, though, not on Angelina herself, but the people from whom the script came. I didn't like the ending, mainly because I was kind of led to believe that a conclusion will be offered, but not having a conclusion is not really to be blamed on anyone involved with the film. I think it was nicely filmed, but it was very clear-cut, not in anyway trying to be artful. not my preferred style, but well-directed.
WALL-E (2008)--I thought this was a surprisingly adorable movie for one that's targeted at kids. There's no doubt that a Pixar movie will be pretty, so let's not talk about that. I guess this one is a little closer to home than all the other ones. There was something in there that I loved about it, and it's possibly something that I love in my real life. Yes, I am biased. We most often are. Heh, I can't explain how much I love this movie and why, but I do know that it's the first animated movie I've found that I will love for a really long time. I also really liked the apple computer-like sound that he made when he charged and turned on again at the end of the movie.
Definitely, Maybe (2008)--You know...I guess this is another cheesy, yet interesting way to spin a love story. God, who would've guessed that adding a kid you had with another woman will help you with your love life? Abigail Breslin is a nice kid to see in this movie. Anyway...heartwarming, nothing that'll make one of my favorites, but it's a good movie nonetheless. I usually am not into these types of movies, so it's not surprising if it's a good movie and still won't make my list.
The Dark Knight (2008)--I didn't like this movie. I didn't like it because it didn't interest me. A better Christian Bale movie was Equilibrium. It was a nice movie, no doubt, but I don't know what the point was to it. Just like I don't see the point in movies like Spiderman, Batman or James Bond. Eh.
Doubt (2008)--the marketing of this movie is very interesting, but I got very bored of it after a little bit into the movie. It's boring, and I think that the point was very strained to become movie length. Eh. Not good.
The Reader (2008)--I want to see this a lot...I'm not sure where I'm going to get this.
The Lives of Others (2006)--I recently saw this at school because a really good friend of mine had to see it for a poli sci class. WOW, what a required movie! It had such good layering of details. It's like detail upon detail, upon detail of emotions and cleverness. It's a very thoughtful movie. It made me think about my life, as do most good movies do.
Wanted (2008)--angelina Jolie is much nicer in this kind of movie. She screams badass in these, why not do them? Anyway, the best part of this movie is hearing Morgan Freeman say "mothafucka"
samedi 7 février 2009
I can't properly title this
I was watching Benjamin Button today, and it brought back all the things I fear most about death. It's not that I'm going to die wrinkly, sad, or even alone. It's not that I'll die painfully, or peacefully, though the latter would be great. Ever since my grandfather died not being able to remember anyone--including himself--and ever since I learned that it's genetic, I became increasingly afraid. Sometimes I think about the future, and about what I don't know, I get excited, but I also get kinda sad. I always thought I'd die before everyone I love, and I always thought I'd like to do what I want and when I go, I'll go. It's not that simple, it seems, and it's kinda selfish even. It's not that I'm horribly morbid, or that I'm depressed; most days, the more I think about it, the more I'd like to live longer. I want to know if the people I love have lived happy lives and for one person most of all, I hope I'll be there when they leave. I hope that I'll get to hold their hands, kiss their eyes, and even lie next to them. When I think about Alzheimer's again, I just hope that I'll still remember them. For another, I wish that wherever I will be, I'll see them before they die. I hope they'll have remembered me if we haven't kept in touch. I guess...when it comes down to it, only two people matter. Sad that my life's meaning is reduced to two people. You would think that I'd have more but then I guess when you get to know me, it makes sense otherwise.
Sometimes I close my eyes and I pretend that my life is not the way it is. The brightest spots in my life are even dampened by technicalities. Bah.
Sometimes I close my eyes and I pretend that my life is not the way it is. The brightest spots in my life are even dampened by technicalities. Bah.
samedi 10 janvier 2009
dream
I probably just had the weirdest dream in the history of weird dreams.
It was gory. It probably has to do with me watching hannibal before I went to sleep, but it wasn't anything like hannibal.
So the farthest back l can remember is being at a shopping center with my family. I told them I had been here with frances before, and I ate at a raelly good restaurant, but I can't remember where it was. We then walked around and they were wondering why I can't find it and I said that frances and I didn't really wander around here. So we walked up the street and finally found it. It was named "George Lucas' Hangar" and had a head of a giant plane hanging out. I'm sure George Lucas is a real person, and I apologize. So then we walked up the rusty bridge, it was was a weird rusty, flexible rope-ish bridge. I was creeped out 'cause I'm generally afraid of rope bridges. So for some reason, in the rest of the dream, I forgot that this was a restaurant. Anyway, I then was volunteered by my on family go go up a tight, sloped, rusty vent. I felt weird, like I couldn't breathe. The next thing was that I came to a dead end and had to turn, which I remember thinking was "not like last time". This I already have a similar dream? It was a weird feeling, like I knew I was dreaming, but I also didn't.
So I then turned and I came out to this water filled hallway. Weirdly enough, I also knew what was going to happen, due to a previous similar experience. I quickly told everyone to scramble for the nearest ledge to sit on. With me, as far as I can identify, was the character "Alex" from "Degrassi: The Next Generation" (don't ask, I don't watch the show regularly, I just know from a few episodes and a previous wiki stalking), two other women, one man, and the last man I distinctly identified to be the guy starring in an upcoming new movie, called "Taken". I distinctly remember reading about the movie on wiki, too. The water drained, and nothing happened, and I told them, this was really unusual. Then, as we ewre inspecting the floor and the drain that the water had gone into, there was a dog barking outside the locked door (I'm guessing bones, my dog, was barking and whining) and I felt compelled to let it in, just like everyone else did. The guy guarding the door was adamant about not letting it in, though, and he was paranoid, like most people in horror movies are. Finally, he caved and opened the door and let the dog in, only I got a creepy feeling from the dog, I think I was scared and paranoid, too. It was quiet. So then the guy got even more creeped out, and angry at the celebrity guy (from Taken, remember?) and threw him outside. I got really scared and i told him that was bad, and before the door guy would think about it, the other guy was screaming his head off, and soon his twisted and naked body was somehow transported back on our side of the door. Then the other guy opened the door again to throw the dog out (STUPID, WHY OPEN THE DOOR?) and the poor dog wandered outside the door for a bit, quiet and with its tail tucked in, before it was also mangled outside the door.
In a flash, my dream suddenly turned into this weird news interview. A reporter with a bunch of crew members were talking to this one person, until some black shadow creeped up behind the interviewee to start eating his flesh. He kept talking, though, as if nothing had happened, as his skull became exposed. It then flashed back to a house-like setting and I was suddenly with my family again. i was REALLY scared, but went outside to find my family plugging in the holes in a brick wall where there was some really crappy laying. You know, the filling between the brick?, there were HOLES. WHY? Anyway, I was running around frantically, into a weird, small bathroom with a window, thinking "omg, is it gonna come into the window?" and such, and went back to my parents and the wall. I asked them why it wasn't just gonna go over the wall, and they kept insisting to me that it wouldn't. I was frustrated but rushed them to go back inside from the courtyard, and come fix the window. They came and my dad pluggued the window somehow, and closed the curtains around the window (as if that was gonna do anything). I was shocked by how strange they were being, and so I went down the hall to where, as I remember in the dream, the dog died. I saw the water room to my right and went in and locked the door. I saw my sister and Jason sleeping in the room and closed it to lock. Bones was also there. I then heard my parents and was tempted to open the door for them. I contemplated, and I hugged Jason for a bit, and then...I don't remember opening the door, but I do remember some weird thing happening. So my dream brain (the one overlooking all of my dreams as if it's an amused audience) filled me in on the fact that I'd been taken over (there wasn't a voice or anything, I just "realized" in a quick flash where none of the dream was going on. I went back into my dream, into the water room after that "flash" and I saw that bones was bloody, and mangled while my sister was bloody, pale and deranged looking. She then told me she was dying, but in a voice unlike her own, and she said that Jason was too. She said I killed bones, and she might as well kill Jason. I was horrified, and I just looked at her with a shocked/scared expression as she killed Jason. The last "scene" I remember is of another news reporter asking this man (who had just discovered some weird jungle thing or whatever and was swimming in what seemed to be a swamp) about his recent excavations until a black shadow swam up to him from below in the water and just you know...eat skin off face while he was still talking--skull exposed but he wasn't aware. The reporter screamed, I heard a dog barking, and I woke up scared...but also realizing that bones was barking from the kitchen, and my house was REALLY loud for some reason.
That was possibly the WORST dream I've ever had.
It was gory. It probably has to do with me watching hannibal before I went to sleep, but it wasn't anything like hannibal.
So the farthest back l can remember is being at a shopping center with my family. I told them I had been here with frances before, and I ate at a raelly good restaurant, but I can't remember where it was. We then walked around and they were wondering why I can't find it and I said that frances and I didn't really wander around here. So we walked up the street and finally found it. It was named "George Lucas' Hangar" and had a head of a giant plane hanging out. I'm sure George Lucas is a real person, and I apologize. So then we walked up the rusty bridge, it was was a weird rusty, flexible rope-ish bridge. I was creeped out 'cause I'm generally afraid of rope bridges. So for some reason, in the rest of the dream, I forgot that this was a restaurant. Anyway, I then was volunteered by my on family go go up a tight, sloped, rusty vent. I felt weird, like I couldn't breathe. The next thing was that I came to a dead end and had to turn, which I remember thinking was "not like last time". This I already have a similar dream? It was a weird feeling, like I knew I was dreaming, but I also didn't.
So I then turned and I came out to this water filled hallway. Weirdly enough, I also knew what was going to happen, due to a previous similar experience. I quickly told everyone to scramble for the nearest ledge to sit on. With me, as far as I can identify, was the character "Alex" from "Degrassi: The Next Generation" (don't ask, I don't watch the show regularly, I just know from a few episodes and a previous wiki stalking), two other women, one man, and the last man I distinctly identified to be the guy starring in an upcoming new movie, called "Taken". I distinctly remember reading about the movie on wiki, too. The water drained, and nothing happened, and I told them, this was really unusual. Then, as we ewre inspecting the floor and the drain that the water had gone into, there was a dog barking outside the locked door (I'm guessing bones, my dog, was barking and whining) and I felt compelled to let it in, just like everyone else did. The guy guarding the door was adamant about not letting it in, though, and he was paranoid, like most people in horror movies are. Finally, he caved and opened the door and let the dog in, only I got a creepy feeling from the dog, I think I was scared and paranoid, too. It was quiet. So then the guy got even more creeped out, and angry at the celebrity guy (from Taken, remember?) and threw him outside. I got really scared and i told him that was bad, and before the door guy would think about it, the other guy was screaming his head off, and soon his twisted and naked body was somehow transported back on our side of the door. Then the other guy opened the door again to throw the dog out (STUPID, WHY OPEN THE DOOR?) and the poor dog wandered outside the door for a bit, quiet and with its tail tucked in, before it was also mangled outside the door.
In a flash, my dream suddenly turned into this weird news interview. A reporter with a bunch of crew members were talking to this one person, until some black shadow creeped up behind the interviewee to start eating his flesh. He kept talking, though, as if nothing had happened, as his skull became exposed. It then flashed back to a house-like setting and I was suddenly with my family again. i was REALLY scared, but went outside to find my family plugging in the holes in a brick wall where there was some really crappy laying. You know, the filling between the brick?, there were HOLES. WHY? Anyway, I was running around frantically, into a weird, small bathroom with a window, thinking "omg, is it gonna come into the window?" and such, and went back to my parents and the wall. I asked them why it wasn't just gonna go over the wall, and they kept insisting to me that it wouldn't. I was frustrated but rushed them to go back inside from the courtyard, and come fix the window. They came and my dad pluggued the window somehow, and closed the curtains around the window (as if that was gonna do anything). I was shocked by how strange they were being, and so I went down the hall to where, as I remember in the dream, the dog died. I saw the water room to my right and went in and locked the door. I saw my sister and Jason sleeping in the room and closed it to lock. Bones was also there. I then heard my parents and was tempted to open the door for them. I contemplated, and I hugged Jason for a bit, and then...I don't remember opening the door, but I do remember some weird thing happening. So my dream brain (the one overlooking all of my dreams as if it's an amused audience) filled me in on the fact that I'd been taken over (there wasn't a voice or anything, I just "realized" in a quick flash where none of the dream was going on. I went back into my dream, into the water room after that "flash" and I saw that bones was bloody, and mangled while my sister was bloody, pale and deranged looking. She then told me she was dying, but in a voice unlike her own, and she said that Jason was too. She said I killed bones, and she might as well kill Jason. I was horrified, and I just looked at her with a shocked/scared expression as she killed Jason. The last "scene" I remember is of another news reporter asking this man (who had just discovered some weird jungle thing or whatever and was swimming in what seemed to be a swamp) about his recent excavations until a black shadow swam up to him from below in the water and just you know...eat skin off face while he was still talking--skull exposed but he wasn't aware. The reporter screamed, I heard a dog barking, and I woke up scared...but also realizing that bones was barking from the kitchen, and my house was REALLY loud for some reason.
That was possibly the WORST dream I've ever had.
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