commitment

so my much better half recently showed me something on this topic.

Strange how everything seems to appear at the right time. Mind-boggling ideas and thought-provoking discourses on life always makes me want to take my brain out of its dusty, useless summer existence and blog something worthwhile. Approximately two days ago, I had a discussion with tracy about marriage. This was, perhaps, a discussion brought on by teenage sleep-deprivation and the brain's deviation toward the loopy side as the hours get closer to morning. Marriage, to me, is something beneficial, it's something horrible, and also something amazing. Sometimes when I think about marriage and such commitment, I tend to become elitist...frowning upon the matrimonial practices of everyone around me. It disgusts me to the core, and yet I find the thought of being with one person for all eternity slightly appealing. Sometimes when I think more about it, I get skeptical and that idea seems improbable. Things happen and two people who know each other at a young age cannot possibly still be together say...55 years later. Personalities collide, interests diverge, and careers create walls...basically, life gets involved. If only everything was as peachy-keen as it is in the movies or the storybooks. Happily ever after is a concept barely attainable in my mind. Vulnerability is a concept barely acceptable and the world doesn't make it sound any more acceptable. Even this blog is a horrible, horrible attempt at accepting the fact that you are vulnerable. When posting, i worry about revealing flaws, worry about sounding stupid, and everything is--for some unknown reason that I've yet to figure out--unacceptable if it's grammatically incorrect. That's how I am with my better half. However, the one wonderful thing, I think, about having such a person is that they are interested in knowing your flaws regardless of the disgust and incompetence that might be uncovered. Utter incompetence that I'm sure everyone is capable of. Oh, the skeletons in your closet, the people you've ruined/hurt, the dark side--being able to reveal those without fear. It's wonderful to see your fears being stripped down one by one over the course of the year that you've been together. Just imagine, those years add up to so many fears, which I probably have but might not be aware of. I welcome that opportunity. As Kolena told my fellow Physic Tpx classmates and I, "...be with someone from whom you can learn new things." Even though he was talking about roommates, my favorite sassy physics teacher has got the right idea. Regardless of the kind of package that person comes in, it is a rather rare opportunity and you should choose wisely.

----(2:34 am): time for an ultra rant. refer to my blog post above.