I have probably done this before....

1. Frances
2. Tracy
3. Qin
4. Kangyue
5. Sam
6. Prashant
7. Safiyyah
8. Stacy
9. Cami
10. Carmen
11. Kara

How did you meet # 4? Kang-He came to watch a 2nd Beall IM game, and Frances and I talked to him

Do you like anyone on here? Why not?

What would you do if you hadn't met number 1? Frances--I'd be bored, ncssm would be boring. I'd be drastically different, probably....worse off

What would you do if 6 and 2 were going out? Prashant and Tracy--I'd cry....tears of fear and insanity

How did you meet number 8? stacy--2nd Beall

What do you think of number 7? safiyyah--she's

What would you do if 5 confessed they love you? Sam--ummm....

Where does number 7 live? safiyyah--dunno

Is number 2 your best friend? Tracy--I....err.....don't...understand this question...

Who's 10s best friend? Carmen--I think Hanna

Did you ever eat around 11? Kara--yeah....I have to live, you know...

Do you miss number 1? Frances--sadly, so...

Who's 11 dating? Kara--Prashant? XDD just to amuse me...

What is your opinion of number 6? Prashant--he's...err...I don't know...He slightly annoys me, sometimes REALLY annoys me...but we can carry on a civilized conversation and we are both really interested in photography, so I guess he's okay.

What do you think about number 3? He's one of the greatest guys ever

What would you do if 3 and 7 were going out? umm....he's already said it won't happen

Do you have any special thing you do with 11? not really....she likes to sleep in my bed....of course, I won't be there....

Have you ever been inside 9's house? yeah...

Would you marry 1? ummm...no....

Do you love 8? sure...why not? but nothing sketchy, though...and not that kind of "love", either.

Ever slept in the same room as any of the numbers? yeah....3 of them, I think...

Do you trust them? on different levels, I guess....

Have you ever kissed any of them? uhhhhhh....

Do you wanna? no.

hmmm

Secrets and lies weaved in the truth
A dealer in those hidden arts
And now I keep silence as if it was golden
Afraid to speak, if I was wrong
If I was not what you wanted me to be
Afraid to be too simplistic
For sophistication like yours
Afraid I'd scare you away, a silly fear I know

I wished my words were somehow adequate
My feelings less equivocal
Not so much that you can see them
Enough for you to feel them

What I can offer is meager
So I change for you, away from you
Hope I can offer better
In another lifetime, when I'm not afraid
To show myself

lyrics

You're the only one who stuck it out last night
The only other one who caught the other line
You're the only one when this world collides
The one that I can't deny

It's undeniable how brilliant you are
It's unmistakable that you're undeniable

How am I gonna take it away in this winter wind
You found me on a summer breeze
How am I gonna run away when the autumn breaks
Now that you ground me in the spring

Choices

Perhaps my brain is having a meltdown. Sometimes things seem to be so clearly defined, but sometimes it feels like I'm forced to choose the definitions. There are times when I was sure I know what I'd choose if I ever had to pick, but there are times like these where it's quite apparent that reality has other plans. I picked the unexpected...and I can't elaborate on why. My brain is having an existential meltdown...if it doesn't know who it is and what it wants, then does that mean its whole identity is at risk? Did its actions in the past fit with its internal definition of what it is? Was it true to itself on what it wanted? It makes me want to reevaluate everything. I can honestly say that I don't delude myself by thinking that the people I hold in high esteem will do the same for me. However, does it make sense that I delude myself into thinking that they will always mean that much to me? When given the choice, I betrayed my list of what holds top priority, and picked what I set as the alternative. It seems....the alternative is not the alternative; is it what I want?

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated. Am I lying to myself? Is choice 2 actually what I wanted all along? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, I can't seem to understand what makes me happy...that is just....aggravatingly pathetic! I know that I'm happy, AS I'm happy. If you ask me to reevaluate outside of the situation, I seem to be as lost as a hobo in a bank. I want to rob the bank, sure....I want it all. I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about...I can't explain it. I can't. I don't know how.
__________________________________________

On a different note, who makes you happiest, and why? Perhaps if you answer, then I'd know how to answer that to myself as well.

.....

the fact that I find this amusing is just.....something's wrong with me...but hey! all the in the name of amusement, right?

the roof is on fire!

what kind of bike is it?

I don't want to be lengthy, so I'll summarize

Illusions, mirages, "erroneous perception of reality", a false belief, delusion, hallucination, phantasm, figment of the imagination...no matter how many of its aliases we manage to uncover, it'll stay true to its essence; the illusion will always remain an illusion. Indefinitely equivocal...we're reduced to our meager interpretations...pursuing the real definition that'll remain ephemeral and fickle. I've grown weary of that pursuit...every time I stop to assess, it seems the illusion has beaten me to the punch. In short, I keep thinking the bungee rope is secure when it was never fastened in the first place.
_______________________________________

hmmm....so, interesting:

blackfalcon1477: my junior bro
blackfalcon1477: sunny huang
"kara": it was sam wu, but things got screwed up...
blackfalcon1477: but how did it happen?
"kara": somebody didn't know how to use spreadsheets
blackfalcon1477: hahaha

lyrics

Just....emptying them here...and keeping one on my buddy profile.

Every day I fight these feelings,
For your sake I will hide the real thing

It’s just your doubt that binds you
Just drop those thoughts behind you now

Is it you I want, or just the notion
Of a heart to wrap around so I can find my way around

my worst pains are words I cannot say

I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen close your eyes
Listen to my voice; it's my disguise
I'm by your side

if you're by my side when everyday begins
I'll fall for you again

If I lay here if I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world

:OOOOOOOOOO

More phone usage:

still counting from July 26

anytime: 460/800
mobile-mobile: 659/unlimited
..........

get ready for this.....

night: 2460/unlimited

2460?

Flipping Out

Guys....I think you should watch this show. AWESOME design/flipping show. Makes me happy, perhaps it'll make you happy, too.

Throwing people under the bus

I think that if the show is called "Top Chef", then people should center on talent, creativity, ability to process quickly, ability to work well on a team, agreeableness, and things that matter. It irks me when people say "He's too cocky, he should be eliminated. How ignorant does that sound? How much disrespect are they giving to the art of cooking by looking at something as small as ego and totally dismissing cooking talent and creativity. Sometimes I think people would rather be blindly happy with a talentless popularity-contest-winner than an egotistical but talented and creative professional chef. Get over yourself and realize that it's a COOKING COMPETITION, not American Idol.

hmmm

So I was watching the latest Top Chef episode....and I read the reviews for it....because I thought it was an unfair episode...

Well...here is a funny part....well, if you've been reading and you get the jokes, then it's funny

"Tre proceeds to laugh maniacally and at a really high pitch for him. I had to rewind it five times because it made me laugh so hard. Given how staid and somnambulistic he usually is, I think we're seeing evidence that the MALARKEY! is catching" XDDDD
--televisionwithoutpity

Anthony Bourdain's review of the episode--I have to say he is an excellent writer: witty = AWESOME
___________________________________

I found the website of the restaurant I ate at in California. Umm....the website is only adequate, and the pictures are disappointing, but....*sigh* here it is in all its glory...

even more quizzes

what's your favorite dr. seuss book? Haha, this might seem cliched, but I really liked Green Eggs and Ham. If you could live in any home on a television series, what would it be? that house on Flipping Out that he is living in. what's the longest you've gone without sleep? 2 days what's your favorite barry manilow song? <.< ewww who's your favorite muppet? I'll have to go with Kermit... Haha, so dirty---oh! I took a picture of his star on Hollywood blvd. btw, I concur...XD what's the habit you're proudest of breaking? umm, the real question is, "have you broken any habits?" what's your favorite Web site? I dunno.... what's your favorite school supply? fountain pens or my precise V5 who's your favorite TV attorney? ummm.....do I even have one? what was your most recent trip of more than 50 miles? CA what's the best bargain you've ever found at a garage sale or thrift store? ummm...golf clubs? where were you on september 11, 2001? At school, our school stopped to watch the news, I was reading in the back of the class. what's your favorite tree? those weird ones I saw in CA what's the most interesting biography you've read? The Rise and Fall of Adolf Hitler what do you order when you eat chinese food? usually.....vegetable lo mein what's the best costume you've ever worn? Grim Reaper what's your least favorite word? hurt if you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? Maine who's your favorite care bear? Tenderheart? That lion thing. describe something that's happened to you for which you have no explanation. I'm coming up with blanks...--me too if you could travel anywhere in africa, where would it be? Zaire....is that what it's called or spelled? what did you have for lunch yesterday? sandwich....on the plane, which was a mistake where do you go for advice? my little bunny which do you use more often, the dictionary or the thesaurus? Dictionary have you ever been snorkeling? scuba diving? Nope--can't swim.---yep have you ever been stung by a bee? nah what's the sickest you've ever been? really sick....ER what's your favorite form of exercise? walking, I guess.....taking pictures....hiking. what's your favorite cyndi lauper song? I dunno.... what did you do for your 13th birthday? I dunno.....stayed at home, probably. are you afraid of heights? yes, very. have you ever taken dance lessons? ballet.... what's your favorite newspaper? I don't usually read the newspaper, but when I do, it's just the Charlotte Observer. what's your favorite broadway musical? I've never seen one what's the most memorable class you've ever taken? Honors English II and Chemistry with Topics what's your favorite knock-knock joke? ummm, knock, knock. Who's there? Dead. Dead who? Dead baby. what's your favorite commercial? Nationwide and Geico if you could go to disney world with any celebrity alive today, who would it be? umm...I dunno...it would be awkward....but I guess Rodrigo Santoro XDDDDDD do you prefer baths or showers? showers does your chewing gum lose its flavor on the bedpost overnight? ewwww, that is just....UNSANITARY TO THE MAX what's your favorite breakfast food? omelette with turkey, mushrooms, and cheese. complete with toast with a side of really thinly sliced fries... who's your favorite game show host? none if you could have a super power, what would it be? reading minds? do you like guacamole? never had it have you ever been in a food fight? yeah, left lasting scars, too name five songs to which you know all the lyrics. hey there delilah, rain, stolen, apologize, not falling apart what's your favorite infomercial? ewwww infomercials are bad what's the longest you've ever waited in line? 1.5 hours, I think what's on the cover of your address book or day planner? I don't keep one have you ever taken a picture in one of those little booths? yes....

Taste Would you rather have a salty, sweet, or sour snack? Salty. What’s your ideal dinner? pasta, lots of it. and seafood. If you could only taste one taste for the rest of your life, what would it be? ...................................................persimmons, I guess.... What is your guilty pleasure in food? flan. I'll always break for flan. What’s your favorite healthy food? umm.....I guess sushi is healthy What’s your favorite kind of pasta? penne, I guess....or rigatoni Would you rather eat fruits or vegetables? vegetables Would you rather have a crunchy or soft snack? crunchy What’s your favorite texture in food? Crunchy.....like very crunchy Do you like crunchy or creamy peanut butter better? hate peanut butter If you could have only one part of the food pyramid for the rest of your life (excluding the top, salts and sweets), which would it be? pasta, have I not made this clear? What’s your favorite hot drink? chrysanthemum tea What’s your favorite cool drink? root beer What’s your favorite kind of soda? root beer.... Do you like diet soda? No, makes me sick.... Are you a vegetarian or vegan? hehe, no If not, what’s your favorite kind of meat? duck, I guess....lamb? Do you like ketchup or mustard better? none What’s your favorite meal of the day? hehe, I guess breakfast...or considering when I eat breakfast, lunch. When you “diet”, do you just stop eating? dude.....isn't that called anorexia? Do you consider yourself a healthy eater? nah Would you rather enter in a hot dog or pie-eating contest, assuming you would enter that kind of contest at all? I would not Do you think hot dog and pie-eating contests are gross? yeah What’s your favorite snack at the movie-theater? reeses pieces, surprisingly Do you like cotton candy or marshmallows better? marshmallows, if I must Do you have a sweet tooth? no (If you are a girl) What kind of food do you crave the most during your period? wtf? *sigh* if you must know....I guess it's....anything with coconut. *dies* Do you eat when you’re bored? sometimes What would be in your ideal trail mix? dried taro chips, jackfruit chips....sweet potato chips...yeah... Touch Can you walk on hot sand barefoot? yeah....burns, but you get used to it Do you go barefoot during the summer? no Would you rather pet a porcupine or an angry skunk? Porcupine Do you mind getting your hands dirty? yes Do you sleep with a lot of pillows or just a few? lots Is your bed soft or firm? just right, but I guess firmer than your normal bed Do you like soft or silky stuff? I don't know....that's a hard choice to make. Would you rather be insanely hot or extremely cold? Extremely cold Do you like making snowballs? yeah, with my bare hands How do you usually warm up if you’re really cold? I curl up...-----sooooooocute *ahem* anyway, I curl up as well....underneath a soft, nice-smelling comforter. What’s the texture of most of your clothes? Cotton-y?---haha, same. I don't know how to describe it. What’s the most uncomfortable fabric you can think of? burlap Do you own any velvet clothing? 0_o? wtf? no. Are you allergic to any fabrics? No Do you like wooden floors or carpet better? Wood Do you wear socks a lot, or do you prefer being barefoot? Barefoot, unless I'm at school where I can get splinters Do you get blisters easily? nope Have you ever had a rash? yeah Would you say you have long hands? haha, my hands are rather small Have you ever been rock climbing? no Does physical pain really bother you, or do you have “tough skin”? bother me....but takes a bit What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? falling off scooter, rolling down hill What’s the last injury you had? cut fingers, from knives Do you stub your toes and/or jam your fingers often? yeah.... What’s the most uncomfortable feeling of all? ummm..... Have you ever had your hand(s)/finger(s) slammed in a door? yeah Have you ever been beat up? no Have you ever beaten someone else up? no Is physical or emotional pain worse? Emotional. Have you ever sneezed and coughed at the same time? no Sight What’s the best sight ever? sunset on a comfortable, grassy hill...overlooking a lake What’s the ugliest sight ever? errr....city smog Do you believe that beautiful people are more successful, usually, than uglier people? I guess so....but smarter people tend to last longer. What’s the first physical thing you notice about people? hair/smile What’s the first physical thing you notice about members of the opposite sex? hair/smile Do you literally judge books by their covers? yeah....a lot Do you judge people by their looks? I guess I do it....it's inevitable. I try not to Do you consider yourself attractive? No. Do other people consider you attractive? I don't know. Does your self-esteem depend on what you think about your physical appearance? no....I pride myself on intelligence. Do you look more like your mom or dad? grandpa What’s the most unusual thing about your appearance? I dunno What color is your best friend’s hair? umm....black, I guess. best friend? Do you like looking at art and photographs? Yeah, of course! Do you have an eye for photography? umm....I don't think so, but I have my idea of what looks nice. Are you more into portrait paintings/drawings/photographs or landscape paintings/drawings/photographs? Landscape Does the room you’re in have to be completely dark in order for you to fall asleep? maybe Does bright light bother you? when I'm trying to sleep....and mostly, yeah... Do you ever sneeze when you step into the sun after being in a dimly lit place? no Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Hmmm... I don't know. What’s your favorite item of clothing? really crisp dress shirts Do you go more for the laid-back look (jeans and a tee shirt) or a more polished look (skirt and polo)? depends on my mood what I do What’s the most moving thing you’ve ever seen? a comforting smile Have you ever seen any of the Seven Wonders of the World? is the grand canyon one? Is your room messy or neat? neat Would you rather look at the ocean or a mountain all day? I... Don't know........that's hard to say Do you care about how you look? Not much. What’s the best looking letter? I guess J What’s the best looking number? 14 What’s the best looking shape? idk Is the city/town you live in beautiful? no Smell Do you wear deodorant religiously? kind of Does bad BO really bother you? it can.... What’s your favorite smell? fabric softener What’s your least favorite smell? embalming fluid Do you shower daily? yes Does your room usually smell good? doesn't have a smell What food smells the best when it’s cooking? I dunno....so many things What food smells good just as it is? stop asking hard questions D: What food smells the worst when it’s cooking? ummm.....I know it in vietnamese as mam...basically, the stinky fish pastes... What food smells the worst just as it is? umm...didn't I just say mam Do you like the way outside smells just after it rains? no Can you smell when rain is on the way? yeah...smells bad Does fire burning smell good to you? sometimes....certain wood Do your pets smell bad? yeah, very Do you have a good sense of smell? I guess... Do you like lying in the grass just to smell it? no, unsanitary Do you have a big nose? I guess Do you go into perfume stores just to try on their free samples? No. Do you like cucumber melon or passionfruit perfume better? ummm.....I guess passion fruit? Do you like perfume or body spray better? I guess body spray sometimes Do you use bar soap or body wash? the latter What kind of shampoo do you use and what does it smell like? herbal essence "body envy" (seriously) smells like....actually passion fruit? or citrus, I forgot. What kind of conditioner do you use and what does it smell like? I don't use conditioner. Do you think water has a scent? no Which flower has the best scent? dunno...lavender? Which tree has the best scent? hmm....dunno Do you like the smell of seawater? no Do you have stinky feet? idk Does dirt or sand smell better? sand Sound What’s the worst sound in the world? high-pitched screechy sounds. What’s the best sound in the world? soothing, soft voices talking to me Does it have to be completely silent for you to fall asleep? no, but it has to be nice sounds. Do you fall asleep listening to music or the TV? oftentimes, music Do loud noises bother you? yeah Do you have a loud voice? I can. Do any of your friends have a really annoying laugh? no....I hate mine Do you have a really annoying laugh? I hate mine What sound do you normally wake up to? loud talking What’s your favorite genre of music? I don't have one, really.... What’s your least favorite genre of music? Mostly country and rap. Do you think you have a good singing voice? not at all Who’s your favorite singer? ehh....dunno Who’s your least favorite singer? cradle of filth...screaming, ewww Who has the worst speaking voice ever? dunno Who has the best speaking voice ever? umm....haha, I like soft voices, some people qualify, I guess.. Do you prefer country or rap? (You have to choose one!) umm...rap Do you sing loudly in the shower? no What’s your favorite band? yellowcard Would you rather listen to fingernails scraping across a chalkboard or shoes squeaking on the floor? Shoes. Do you ever get distracted to what a person is saying because their voice is really bad/good? ....good, yes Would you rather listen to your favorite song over and over again for the rest of your life or five songs you just kinda like over and over again for the rest of your life? Hmmm...I dunno... What’s the best sounding word ever? juxtaposition What’s the worst sounding word ever? I dunno Do you ever say a word so much it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore? Yeah. Do you snore? no Do you talk in your sleep? yes.... Do you talk too much or too little? I wouldn't know that What sound always makes you laugh? nothing that I can name What’s the funniest joke you know? hmmm, hahahaha, for now, dry wine. spontaneous & unexpected ones are always good

quizzes

TEN WHATS: 1. What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? that I would rather be waking up to an annoyed light sleeper than a dead body on the top bunk. 2. What did you do last night? I typed blog entries on my trips 3. What is the most important thing in your life right now? staying happy 4. What would you rather be doing right now? spending time with certain people 5. What did you last cry over? ... 6. What always makes you feel better when you're upset? Friends, music, and computer with internet---I concur 7. What are your plans tomorrow? internet...uploading pictures 8. What type of guy/girl do you look for? Uh...I'm not currently looking for any girl....but guys with nice hair. I feel shallow.... 9. What are you worried about? people around me not being happy. 10. What are you looking forward to most in this week? packing for school NINE HAVE-YOU-EVERS: 1. Have you ever liked someone that has a girlfriend/boyfriend? yes 2. Have you ever had your heart broken? no 3. Have you ever played a sport on a team? yes 4. Have you ever been out of the country? yes 5. Have you ever backstabbed a friend? I don't think so 6. Have you ever been backstabbed by a friend? I guess you can call it that. It doesn't matter anymore. 7. Have you ever had the cops called on you? nahhh 8. Have you ever dated someone younger then you? nah....maybe a few months? 9. Have you ever read an entire book in one day? yeah... EIGHT WHOS: 1. Who was the last person you saw? my uncle 2. Who was the last person you hugged? sister 3. Who was the last person you called? Tracy 4. Who was the last person to call you? Tracy 5. Who was your first crush? I dunno....it was 2nd grade, he was a good friend of mine, walked up 3 flights of stairs everyday to get me and walk me to school. I'm a sucker for nice gestures. 6. Who was the last person to text you? Frances, only person that texts me extensively 7.Who is the last person you texted? Frances 8. Who did you last yell at? my sister to stop being annoying SEVEN WHENS: 1. When was your last shower? last night 2. When did you last see your mom? hours ago 3. When was your last hug? days ago 4. When did you last dress up? I dunno, I don't keep track of that 5. When was the last time you cried? I don't keep track of that, either 6. When did you last go to the movie theatre? I dunno....b-day... 7. When were you born? in the morning SIX WHERES: 1. Where do your best friend(s) live? i don't have best friends...good friends are in NC 2. Where did you last go? CA 3. Where did you last hang out? Starbucks 4. Where do you go to school? ncssm 5. Where is your favorite place to be? somewhere comfortable and cool 6. Where did you sleep last night? in CA FIVE DO/DOES: 1. Do you like someone right now? I find a lot of people tolerable. 2. Do they like you? hmmm, I guess they find me tolerable as well, otherwise we wouldn't be on speaking terms 3. Do you ever wish you were someone else? sometimes maybe, but mostly I like myself 4. Do you know the muffin man? *shifty looks* what are you talking about? He doesn't supply me with "the goods".... 5. Does the future scare you? slightly. I wonder sometimes if certain people will be in it. I hope they are. FOUR WHYS: 1. Why are your best friends your best friends? they are good friends because they know me well...and they tolerate me even though they know how I can be. 2. Why did you get a myspace? because....friends wanted to keep in touch 3. Why did your parents give you the name you have? I guess it was poetic and rather hopeful of them (hoping I'll achieve great things with it) 4. Why are you doing this survey? because I'm bored THREE IFS: 1. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? to know everything 2. If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you? hmmm, there were bad things, but most of them led to better things, so I'm afraid changing them will be biting off more than I can chew 3. If you were stranded on a desert island and could bring one thing what would it be? a good pillow. At least get good sleep, yes? TWO WOULD-YOU-EVERS: 1. Would you ever be friends with someone again who you said you never would be because they were so mean to you? never 2. Would you ever shave your head to save the person you love? dude, I'll give up my hair any day. ONE LAST QUESTION: Are you happy with your life right now? ups and downs...the accomplishment of being able to sit on that hill and not fall for a long period of time makes me happy.

CA

Thoughts while internet is turned off:

Saturday—I spent a lot of time looking for that jade dragon necklace. I am now a victim of a want that has reached an immeasurable degree. I whittled away most of my time on the plane (5 hours of my life, might I add) trying to keep my composure while sitting in front of an unbearably irksome man. He kept coughing up a storm, which provoked paranoia deep within me. He was quite fidgety, which resulted in a frequent opening and closing of the window “blind”—I guess I can call it that. Even though I discovered what I thought was the best laptop-headphone match ever, the headphones….unfortunately, weren’t noise-canceling headphones; this resulted in a homicide of the awesome bass that I was looking forward to. The couple that I sat with never left their seats, and since that guy traded with me for a window seat, I was boxed in the whole time. The awkwardness from the mere thought of making two people stand up to let me out stopped me from wanting to get out in general. Combined with the fact that the guy already claimed the only pillow set out for us, I grew cranky from poor sleep/circulation. I was rudely awakened by a noise from my laptop, telling me the battery was low and it was about to hibernate on me. After my soothing music disappeared, I decided to stop sleeping and start taking pictures, since clouds were starting to appear outside the window. I think the constant beeping of the camera (from the keys) annoyed the guy behind me to no end. Well, I guess the annoyance is now mutual. He carried on that routine opening and closing of the window blind, only now his actions were joined with words of casual conversation to his daughter, “Nothing out there.” He did this so frequently that I was convinced those comments were actually hinting at me to stop taking pictures. I never stopped :P After we arrived, we traveled around where my aunt lives and basked in the massive Vietnamese-Chinese-Korean-general Asian community. I ate a lot of food, so much that I didn’t finish my lunch or dinner. Before dinner, though, I went into this bakery….where I thought all my dreams for this vacation came true. Soo….many good cakes….none that I can actually touch, but still….I stood there in the store for 30 minutes, taking/erasing/re-taking pictures of different kinds of cakes they had. The staff just worked on like nothing was wrong, though some of them did give me a weird look, as if to say, “Are you actually going to buy anything?” I swear that I must’ve looked like a cake paparazzi to them <.<

Sunday through Tuesday—I was “without my baby” these few days…and all I have in place of it is my camera, which was enough, for the most part. On the way to Las Vegas, the tour took us to this little Chinese food place in the middle of nowhere. I mean THE middle of nowhere; the food was mediocre at best. There was no access to “proper” music…everything was dance-y or just plain bad; by dance-y, I meant to say that sketchy women probably “dance” to it in those nightclubs <.< >.>

I stayed up until 12 or 1 almost every morning, which meant that in NC time I slept at 4 am regularly. I found great joy in taking pictures of almost everything I saw…the better things anyway. Unlike most people I saw, I’m rather unimpressed by the colorful, blinding lights of the casinos. My camera was by my side the whole time I was there which, combined with the fact that I’m a rather unsocial Asian, probably made me look like one of those non-English speaking tourists; that image probably would’ve been completed with a picture of me making the “Asian face” (peace sign, rather silly smile that make my eyes look non-existent, clutching my camera like crazy). Other than that, I took pictures of various cakes and sights that I saw, earning a plethora of exasperated sighs from family members as they try to pull me along by my shirtsleeve. The bus was boring, the Grand Canyon was rather overrated and gray/dirty/dusty. My sunburn wasn’t even the highlight of my visit there, seeing as how I had my first run-in with a porta-potty; to say the least, I was traumatized; to say the truth, I had a mental breakdown.

As I entered, my mind immediately registered the unsanitary conditions into which I brought myself. I momentarily froze right before fleeing the scene, after which I was panicking and looking for a source of water and soap to wash my hands. As Frances guessed, it was pretty much the same as that little trash episode I had at school….preeeetty bad. I told my mom to give me water, reiterating the need to “wash my hands” many, many times.

After that, I got on the shuttle to go back to the bus parking lot, and slept on the way….recharging after that massive use of energy. I took more pictures, some girl was smiling at me….which I ignored, and some old people were smiling at me as well….which I pretended not to see. When we returned to Las Vegas, my family went for another round around the strip, and I took more pictures….while my feet were screaming at me to stop torturing them. We ate at this place in the Paris section of Las Vegas…awkwardly surrounded by families who speak fluent French, and ate some surprisingly disappointing food. Don’t get me wrong, some of it was REALLY good, but it was a bit salty for my taste. Hehehehehe, I had Coq au Vin, which was superb. I couldn’t take a lot of pictures due to the fact that it was rather dark. I hate using the flash option on my camera, so I hesitated and only took two or three pictures of the food we had. We walked ¾ of the way back to the hotel and then broke down and took a bus back the rest of the way; they woke up early next morning to go gambling *rolls eyes* and lost varying amounts of money. We then made our trip back.

On the way back, I managed to buy even more clothes from Tommy Hilfiger; I think I’m officially addicted. The rest of our “Asian fleet” shopped at places like Hollister, DC, Ralph Lauren, American Eagle, and Aeropostale *rolls eyes once more*. In my opinion, those are the people that need intervention. Each teenager on that bus carried back 2 full bags from two of those stores. I felt like shaking my head as I hope that I never turn out that way; though it might’ve happened already. We then stopped by the Ethel M chocolate factory (makers of M&M and Ethel M chocolates), where I took even more pictures. I then bought something to bring back to Tracy and Frances; I picked the chocolates myself, hoping that it’ll fit their tastes. After we got back, my family went out to eat. To my dismay, I forgot to bring the camera. I counted a total of 3 or 4 photo ops that I missed. The only time it’s left me today, and the unthinkable happened; I was quite cranky. I then bought some of the “green slug” things that I like so much….which I shall eat for breakfast tomorrow before we leave for San Francisco; I love that stuff. I took a much needed shower and uploaded pictures onto my laptop (95 of them) and named/deleted all of them from the memory stick. Finally, I’ve noticed that my hair has gotten rather long….and annoying.

I remembered that I talked to my mom about a few things, one of which being my dad’s family growing up. Apparently, my mom’s family was rather….comfortable, with my grandpa being a gov official and my grandma coming from a kind of well-to-do family. Meanwhile, my dad’s family lived a rougher life….hmmm….actually, it was very rough. My dad never told my mom, she found out from my uncle....quite recently, I might add. Hmm….pride is a horrible thing, isn't it? Pride is behind most things, I’ve noticed. I wonder if this has anything to do with his constant need to prove something to everyone, including his own wife. *sigh* I hope I never fall that much for pride.

Oh yeah, I was especially reminded of Tracy at one point…but through very interesting mediums, actually. First I heard the song that was in Allen’s video and was reminded of Allen, which then immediately reminded me of Tracy…where my thoughts stopped. It was sad. I did that quite a few times with other things that made me think of certain people, including Frances, a lot. I hate it when I do that. It makes me feel silly and nostalgic, like I should be 67 instead of 17.
__________________________________

What if I fall, then where would I go?
Would she know?
—Gifts and Curses
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Wednesday-Friday: I was less annoyed by this trip….partly because the tour guide was more organized, and I didn’t have to go anywhere near a porta-potty. I think I’m afraid of porta-potties now; it’s kinda sad. Anyway, this guy is funnier, although he probably thinks that I’m an alcoholic-to-be or something for laughing at that comment about drinking too much wine <.<

This trip was kinda more annoying in the way that I didn’t really have a lot of things to take pictures of, and there was less time for photo ops. However, I erased less because I accidentally erased good pictures last time…so as a result, I ended up with more pictures than last time, 185. *sigh* I have less to say about this time because I really wasn’t as interested in this trip as I was in Las Vegas. However, this trip owns the other one because we stayed at the Hilton; I liked the classic design. I’ve been in the Hilton in Atlantic City, where everything was gold-ish, flowery, and full of mirrors. Blagh. I disliked that style of design a lot so I found the simplistic designs refreshing.

Anyway, I could say a lot of superfluous and redundant things about this trip but I won’t. Instead, I’ll say what’s bothering me. I hate it when people in my dad’s family have something not very good to say about my mom and they feel the need to say it in Chinese…in my presence…away from her. Pssh….they think I don’t understand….well, I haven’t really told any better, but still. Stanley, whom I usually like, asked me afterwards if I understood anything he said. I said no. He said “good.” I was annoyed, gave some half-faked answer to just get on with it, so he explained what he said without some choice parts about my mom, of course. I think that saying things like that in Chinese to avoid letting me know is rather….underhanded. I don’t know, actually…I’ve done that before, with Frances, my mom, and other people in my family….but I guess it’s hard to hear when it’s about someone I care about. Yes, I do care about my mom…..I’m quite fond of her, despite some things she says and does. In some ways, I guess she can get kinda snobby….which is a trait I can say that I’ve inherited….but is not proud of. I don’t mean to do it, and I know she doesn’t, either. I maker certain comments about certain things that people do or say, and those comments can sometimes sound like I’m stating them with a superior tone. I’m not. I can promise you that most of the time I mean no harm by my words.

Anyway, I took one of my unusually long showers, and am listening to Apocalytica very loudly with my headphones on. Oh yeah…I left my medicine at the hotel…..*shakes head*. I feel bad, because my medicine is rather expensive prescription medicine that is still expensive even though the insurance will pay for some of it. I feel really bad, but we were in a rush and my little mind just forgot.
________________________________

It’s so hard to find you
I’m standing right behind you

“Why would you?”
“How could I?”
These questions lead to goodbye

Somehow not speaking lets me know everything
—Losing My Mind

Make no mistake, your love’s not real
‘Cause the love I’ve got is much deeper
So much deeper than you can ever feel
And I miss you, I love you

You won’t be getting my affection again
—Miss You Love You

I never knew perfection ‘til I heard you speak
And now it kills me
Just you hear you say the simple things
Now waking up is hard to do
Sleeping’s impossible, too
Everything’s reminding me of you
What can I do?
It’s not right, not okay
—Better That We Break


Times Square can’t shine as bright as you
I swear it’s true

Close your eyes, listen to my voice
It’s my disguise
I’m by your side
—Hey There Delilah
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Saturday: We started out eating at this nice Dim Sum place, which I so appreciated. Stanley said that it was really good, but I didn’t like it as much as I expected to. Stanley’s taste is really different from mine, I guess. However, I guess today was better, although I was especially reminded of Frances this time, when I heard “What I’ve Done” standing outside the Hollywood Wax Museum. *hits head* AGAIN! I felt so nostalgic. I momentarily thought of the fact that I’m moving back to NCSSM in a week. Except for some choice names that I took pictures of Hollywood Boulevard was rather uninteresting. We then went to Chinatown on the way back, and stopped by this place, known to me as “Wing Hop Fung”. The whole lower half of the store was dedicated to medicine and dried mushrooms/seafood/other delectables while the upper half had merchandise from glass Chinese Chess sets to decorative dragon/paintings/dishes…etc...to a massive corner dedicated to tea. TEA! Okay, so I’m not the tea addict that Tracy is, but I found this to be an excellent opportunity to buy Tracy something other than chocolate. That tea corner had good management, seeing as there were different staff members who spoke different languages; we had one Spanish-speaking woman selling tea to some Hispanic people, one person that spoke Vietnamese, one that looked like a college student who spoke fluent English, and the other two spoke Chinese (both Mandarin and Cantonese). I have to say that the other shops were rather filled with blades, which…………AHHHHHHHH, I want a katana soooo badly. There was a beautiful katana, black, sleek, unmarred by silly scratches that un-graced the other blades. There was a small inscription, which I couldn’t read, that was in white…that complimented the sheath nicely.

So besides that little tea/medicine/alcohol episode in the store, I also looked around various jewelries for that necklace that I had; that quest proved very unsuccessful. I was running around, looking at jade pieces like a mental patient. *sigh* I will never have that necklace again. Everything after Chinatown was a blur, until we went shopping. We went into this place called, in Vietnamese, “Vua Kho Bo” which….translated straight from Vietnamese means “King of Beef Jerky” which……..I am VERY sure is not the name they had intended. Basically, they had snack foods. Dried fruits, a variety of jerky…I tried this spicy abalone snack….which I disliked because of the rather (imo) fishy taste. I’m not sure what it’s supposed to taste like, but I didn’t like it. I then bought ¼ lbs of taro chips….:DDDDDDDDDDDDD Taro chips own all. My aunts spent over a hundred dollars on snacks, which I thought was REALLY, REALLY unnecessary. REALLY. My taro chips can never live up to their snack splurge. We then quickly went to this Japanese store…from which I got a bowl & plate. (you have no idea how much I absolutely obsess over nice-looking dishes, especially Japanese-style ones). I then got Frances a chocolate crunch Pocky snack, which we shall enjoy the first day that I visit her room, along with the Coke that I shall buy for her “fridge-warming” gift. The cashier was rather……….adorable :P and my mom and aunts picked on him a lot. His voice was rather soft, and hair = awesomeness. I wanted to take a picture for Frances to see, but my mom said that it would’ve been weird if I asked for a random picture from a guy I’ve never met. Then we went back and unloaded our things before going out to dinner.

My mom and dad were reconnecting with some mutual friends….which required them being there…together <.< My dad was rather tactless in conversation, because when the guy introduced his wife’s name, my dad said, “That’s easy to remember, my best guy friend’s name is the same thing.” I’m not sure if that was on purpose or if he is just that bad with conversation; if it was on purpose then I think it was rather immature. Our dinner consisted of a baked whole catfish that looked about 1.5 feet long, including the head. The crust was really nice and despite what my mom said, the fish itself was nice and soft inside, which I think is perfect for baked fish. We also had a jellyfish salad, with shrimp, pork, mint, crushed peanuts, and a little bit of chopped (boston?) lettuce. There was also a….if translated from Vietnamese it’s “crunchy pan-fried flat rice noodles” with stir fried straw mushrooms, squid (which was cooked rather perfectly) shrimp, baby corn, sliced carrots and broccoli; I enjoyed that meal very much. For desert, we had fried bananas….I’m not kidding you. They were those little bananas that I really don’t like, dipped in a batter and fried and topped with sesame seeds. It was served flambé-style, which I liked….because it was a pretty flame :D

Then I was told of a meteor shower by Tracy and I waited until 11 pm to watch for it, but it didn’t come, and I am sitting here typing up the last of my adventures this past week. I totally missed the due date for my summer service journals/supervisor evaluation/self-evaluation/interviews. I’m such a bad child. However, Kara did say that things often get lost and Mike Flisk doesn’t really care, so I won’t worry just yet. I can always say that I sent it, but it probably got lost; I doubt they’d fail me as a senior just for failing to turn in paperwork.

hmmm, thoughts before packing

I was watching some of the latest Bleach episodes and though the filler-effect was causing me to drone out on what is really happening, I managed to catch the question of “Why have there been so many Hollows in this town lately?” Kon commented that it seems like there have been more than there were in the past. Since Hollows are souls that have been affected by hatred and such…the concept immediately caught my mind. I don’t think the writers are putting that in there deliberately…I mean…if every decision was deliberate, then this world would become very complex. However, it did dawn on me to think about unhappiness, hatred, and regret—things that binds us to the mortal world even though our souls been to move on. Why has there been more? *sigh* It seems like the more I think about “getting rid of unhappiness”, the more I sound like one of those beauty pageant contestants claiming that they’re wishing for world peace. Yeah right….they want that crown, not world peace.

Anyway, it seems to me that the more we advance in the world—the more we evolve scientifically—the more it seems like we’re regressing mentally. To me, it looks like we’re giving ice cream to a kid. The more we give away, the more the kid will want to eat, until he gets nauseous that is. The more we advance, and the more we want to gain….the closer we get to the point where we become unbearably sick of the strain that life puts on us. Does that make sense to you? Here we are, trying to make ourselves live longer….and I’m thinking, “Do I want to live longer?” To me…the more you try to prolong life, the more you’re actually trying to prolong your torture. I’m sure that by the time I’m 100, I’ll be so sick of life—so sick of seeing people I care about getting hurt—that I’ll be glad to help move myself along towards death. Not only are there good personal reasons, there are good general reasons as well. I, for one, will probably get sick of the monster that modern-day politics has grown into. Before, you have kings killing kings, now it seems like you have prime ministers, kings, emperors, and dictators trying to get others to kill for them. They don’t attack one another anymore, they just try to be “civil” and reform the other, through war and ridiculous squabble over material things.

The sad thing is that our survival instincts tell us we have to fight for those material things, because the modern world tells us we need them to reach the standard of living that we seek. It’s the ego. The force that’s telling us to topple over the people we know—just to get to a few measly gallons of gas—is also responsible for the kids that are killing themselves in school to defeat each other in an eligibility and qualification battle for scholarships and placements in the colleges of their dreams. No matter what the motive, we’re all victims of the word “want”…and that occasional urge to push others out of our way…that’s what makes me think that I’m a really selfish creature sometimes.

Now is the time to start packing

Wedding cakes

To dress your cake with jewelry....*sigh* being the traditionalist I am, I frown upon the excessive embellishments on something that's supposed to be simple and elegant. Colored fondant...jewelry...flowers...ehh...it seems rather tacky to me. Black cake!!!!! yeah!!

That led me to rings...I'm not fond of them, either. I'd rather think of...necklaces or bracelets. although, my solution for a ring would be to wear it on a chain. *sigh*I'm rather odd.

Black dress!!! K...done.

Phone usage

Soo.....I thought this was amusing, so I'm posting it up.

This is my phone usage since July 26th:

-Anytime Minutes: used 138/800
-Mobile to Mobile: used 234/unlimited<--since I don't talk to my parents, I can safely assume that it's from talking to Frances
-Night and Weekend: used 890/unlimited<--XDDDDD This is a fair mix of talking to Frances' (house) and Tracy.

I'm afraid that my phone usage might seem rather...alarming to my parents. Well, I barely use my phone at school, so they can manage for the rest of summer, I suppose. Although that "barely" phone usage might be different for this year...XDDD *sigh* I'm rather glad. We have 800 minutes, 400 of which is mine, and the rest are my parents'. Have to start using it some time....

Good job, the look on my mom's face when I woke up this morning. It's rather funny. I think I'm slowly taking years off my parents' life spans.

....

I need to take a really long shower.

To be afraid to post my thoughts on my own blog is ridiculous

So now, I’m pondering the term “soulmate”. “What is a soulmate,” I asked myself. I couldn’t answer it, so I decided to ask wiki.

Definitions of “soulmates”

I was particularly intrigued by the “scientific soulmates”. “The person that makes you happiest”? I think it’s a rather silly label to give someone, isn’t it? The idea of the soulmate is an antiquated concept…or at least, that is my thought on it.

With the way the world has become more superficial, “deep terms” like “soulmates” have been replaced with lesser terms indicating significantly smaller amounts of commitment required. The banality presented by the journey for “the perfect soulmate” is a large contributor to its diminishing importance in man’s love lives today. Simply put, who has the time to wait around for a “perfect match” anymore? No….we now define almost everything as love, regardless of how much affection we actually hold for that seemingly significant other of ours. We’re back to where I always start….the definition of “love”. So I decided to ask wiki.

Love

I found the biology behind it very interesting:

“Recent studies in neuroscience have indicated that as people fall in love, the brain consistently releases a certain set of chemicals, including pheromones, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin, which act similar to amphetamines, stimulating the brain's pleasure center and leading to side-effects such as an increased heart rate, loss of appetite and sleep, and an intense feeling of excitement. Research has indicated that this stage generally lasts from one and a half to three years.”

Never mind what it actually says, the idea here is that your brain chemically creates these illusions of romantic grandeur….which to me makes love similar to the “trip” that acid will surely create for you; this makes me even more skeptical about this term “love”. So then how do you know when you actually love someone (romantically, I mean)?

My friend Kiarah and I had this conversation about friendship and love, and how closely related the two might be. She proposed the theory that if you were to let go of every concept that you’ve been taught about what “love” is and look closely at friendship…then your closest friends are probably the best potential “lovers” that you’ll ever have. We then decided that, of course, this idea will not be accepted by society as a whole because that would label close friends of the same gender as “potential lovers”; in the community that we live in now, where people hold very idealistic concepts of who should be able to “rightfully” love whom, that is a heinous crime. Hence, gay marriage is banned. <.<

I think that her theory might hold some truth…because…well, in my case, I’d most enjoy the company of someone who understands me well, someone that I’m perhaps not afraid to talk to. In regards to that qualification, none of my boyfriends have come close, while many of my close friends have. However, there is also the matter of physical attraction. Despite what people say…I think that physical attraction actually hold significance when making a choice about who you like. Well, perhaps it pales in comparison with personality, but still…you know that almost everyone considers it, even yourself. To that point, my friend replied, “Well, now that is the reason I’m bi. Does it make sense to you? Shouldn’t I be open to the idea that the person I love could be anyone, not just a guy?” I guess that makes sense to me, but since I don’t see myself physically attracted to a girl, I really don’t see the point in it. She says I’m a bit close-minded, but perhaps she’s right. I don’t care really…whether or not I’m close-minded in relations to this, because it’s a matter of personal belief. However, since I do cater to the concept behind her idea, I get really angry when people try to limit others as to who they can hold deep romantic affections for. Seriously…would you like it if you met the man/woman you love…and then you were told it’s wrong to be with them? However, I shall not open that can of worms. I’ll get on a rather long rant.

The point is, how do you put restrictions on love exactly? Well, no matter how it’s done, society does it anyway. Over the course of history, the idea of the “love behind a friendship” has been closely watched by overzealous religious supporters. Instead of typing, I’ll simply refer you to the Decline of Friendship section of the Friendship article. Since homosexuality has long been considered “sinful”, classical boundaries for a friendship has been restricted; fortunately, as the world moved towards humanism and the individual, the strict restrictions resulting from religious constraints have been diminishing in numbers.

However, when I look at it from another point of view, I see that women were less affected by the constraints, and I realized that there is also a certain amount of credit due to a human’s pride, ego, and expectations owed to society. Men have more expectations from society than women, and are rather closely watched to be model examples. Women are allowed to openly express more of those “weak” emotions, which left room for closer friendships. I’ve found that while religious reasons for keeping a distance has been diminishing in popularity, reasons based on how “strong” one wished to be viewed has been more popular. Not to be selective, but Asian culture in particular holds mental and emotional strengths as things to be proud of, and while this rather traditional ideology has been diminishing in popularity as well, the remnants of it in some still-traditional families have been taxing on the mentality of the members of that family. Fulfilling filial and general familial duties is a must, yet affection is never an issue. Does that affect how Asians interact, and are viewed, by more emotionally flexible cultures such as that of America?

Does that, in turn, go full circle to create that cycle of doubt in regards to how valid of an emotion “love” is? Does the created confusion recreate itself? Are we merely a result of generations of inherited doubt? I don’t see many of my American friends questioning love. Oddly, the ones like Kiarah claim to be honorary Asians anyway...so wtf?

Oh my….I typed so much. I must be very tired...these are the thoughts of a tired person. To a nap I go.

hmm

Every time a movie/show gets to a bad point, I turn the channel away. I've noted that little fact about myself. It's rather indicative of my unwillingness to face things in my own life, no? However, I've noticed recently that I've improved upon those bad habits and have been resisting that urge to turn the channel. It's silly to me now...to turn the channel. It's not like their misfortune has anything to do with me. Seek in others what you wish will never happen to you and you'll always see it.

"Let go, my dear, of worries and fear. It's a life you seek underneath the rubble and I reach in as you reach in..will our paths collide? Is it too deep, too cloudy? Will you see me as I see you?"

thoughts

I do worry about how they leave you. I don’t want to be left by someone who knew almost everything about me, the way I think, the reasons I felt the way I did. I don’t want them to know what makes me and breaks me, because when they leave it’s like those feelings are at risk…of exposure to the outside world that I fear so much, the outside world that I built my walls for. I don’t want them to leave knowing that they got me, got me to give out information about my personal and mental identity. It leaves you bare and unsure of how you’re going to build yourself back up again. How do you replace such things? When a lock is broken, you feel the need to buy a new one, no? How do I find a new mental defense?
____________________________________

I value things that I fear might not be true. The possibility of not being true tells me that when I do gain them, they will be valuable. However, does that make me any better than a treasure hunter, going after dangerous rewards that I might never reach? Am I going around in a circle?

some long quizzes

Some “smart kid” I am…..not even knowing about this until now. Geez. Only goes to show you the light doesn’t get brighter as you grow older, it gets dimmer. Anyway, I’ll answer this on here because...nice and discreet.

*WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF: 01. I cried: I’d want to know who/what made you cry…and then eliminate it from existence. 02. I asked you to help: I would help with anything 03. I became suicidal: I’d be next to you until it annoyed you, and even then I won’t leave until you’re better. 04. I died: part of my soul would deteriorate along with you….if you were cremated, then…ouch, that burns. 05. I died from natural causes: then I’d hope that you died peacefully. 06. I said I liked you: I would cry….for various reasons 07. I kissed you: I would cry…for the same reasons 08. I started smoking weed: I would ask you why you needed to, because again….I’d eliminate the cause from existence. I’d try to make you better. 09. I stole something: I’d tell you it was bad and I’d return it to buy it for you. 10. I was hospitalized: I’d visit until you were better. 11. I ran away from home: I’d find you and bring you back. Again, I’d find out and eliminate the cause. 12. I got in a fight & you were there: I’d make sure you weren’t hurt. 13. I was in a sex video: OH MY GOD, Frances, WHAT THE HELL? I'd get all copies of that tape, destroy them, and then pull you into a locked room for some shock therapy. Oh yeah....whoever was in that tape with you, I'll kill them. *WHAT DO YOU THINK OF MY: 01. Personality: I think you’re a wonderful person who sometimes tried too hard to make others comfortable….at your own expense. I think you give yourself less credit than you deserve, and you’re rather strong, which I admire. 02. Eyes: I think they’re nice, though they disappear when you laugh. 03. Face: I dunno…what should I think of your face? 04. Hair: haha, I think it’s the right length, even though you don’t seem to think so. 06. Lips: ummm…I think anything I say might be used against me in a court of law. 07. Height: It’s decent, and awesomely shorter than mine :D 08. Clothes: I think they are nice. 09. Voice: You’re soft-spoken, which is rather pleasant. 10. Humor: Awesome sense of humor that enjoys the same jokes mine does 11. Choice of music: same as above 12. Mannerisms: I think they’re amusing 13. Family: they’re adorable and funny 14. Brains: *sigh* lacking a few cells, but nothing that’ll affect how smart you are. 15. Flexibility: ummm….I have no idea. *WOULD YOU EVER: 01. Be my friend: Of course. I’m already your friend. 02. Tell me the truth, no matter what: No…unfortunately, I can’t promise that. I mean...what kind of truth? There are things I'd never say. I guess with most things....yeah... 03. Lie to make me feel better: Yes, I will…if I can get away with it. If not, I’d break it to you as gently as possible. 04. Spread rumors about me: Never. 05. Keep a secret if I told you one: I’ll try my best. If it’s important to you, then I would keep it. 06. Loan me some cash: Any time. 07. Hold my hand: Sure. If you need me to, I'll be fine with it. 08. Take a bullet for me: Any time. 09. Keep in touch: I’m not good at it, but I’ll try my best 10. Try to solve my problems: I’d rather you solve it yourself, but I’ll help you solve them 11. Love me: ……………I guess so…in a non-creepy/stalkerish way. I’d care about you a lot. *OTHER: 01. Do you enjoy sex on the beach? What the…. 02. Have I cooked for you? Nah…I’ll get you to cook one day, despite what you say 03. Did you like it? I might, I dunno 04. How have I affected you? You forced me to face things I don’t want to face. You made me question myself when I need to, and you let me have fun. 05. What do you think of me? I think I can’t be any luckier for having you as a first roommate. I think you’re a great friend, and a fun person to be around. You cheer me up immensely. 06. What's the fondest memory you have of me? I have lots, my friend…and to try and list them here is like suicide. 07. How long do you think we will be friends? I hope it’s a very long time…otherwise I’d be disappointed. 08. Do you love me? Again…I care for you in a non-creepy/stalkerish way. 09. Do you have a crush on me? No. 10. Would you kiss me? *cries in the corner* 11. Would you hug me? Of course I would 12. Physically, what stands out? Smile 13. Emotionally, what stands out? You hostile brand of care XD 15. On a scale of 1-10, how pretty am I? ummm….8? 8.5? I’m no good at this… 16. Give me a nickname & explain why you picked it: I’m not good at this…*creativity dies* 17. Am I lovable? You are… 18. How long have you known me? Just this past year 19. Describe me in one word: Eclectic 20. What was your first impression? You were shy and soft-spoken and that was cool, because I was dreading an outgoing roommate. 21. Do you still think that way about me now? Not really…in the way that you are not merely “shy” or “outgoing” but you are THE awesome roommate that I scribbled a description for on those papers. 22. What do you think my weakness is? doubt 24. What makes me happy? Good friends and good food 25. What makes me sad? Stress makes you grumpy, and sad…and stress is caused by many things…like Chem (which is rather unfortunate). Also....when you can't make the people you care about happy. 26. What reminds you of me? So many things…Will and Grace, sushi binges, walks on 9th street, walks around school, sodium hydroxide, various foods, microwaves, that ramen you always eat, that shampoo smell, the spray smell, the color green, when I order my books by size, artist pens, giant sticky notes, thick masking tape, and other things I hear/see 28. How well do you know me? I don’t know…I’d like to say a fair amount….but that might be at risk to be laughed at. 29. When was the last time you saw me? graduation 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but you couldn't? heh. A lot of things….some of which you actually got out of me. 31. Do you think I could kill someone? Who knows? If you did kill someone, the guilt would drive you insane. 32. Are you going to put this on your Xanga & see what I have to say about you? *sigh* compelled to, but will probably decide against it.

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Can I get away from this? No.

BASICS: :x: name: Ha Thien :x: shoe size: 8.5 :x: siblings: 1 sister :x: jr.high: concord :x: elementary: irvin :x: hometown: concord :x: favorite place: room :x: favorite soda: root beer :x: favorite food: sushi :x: favorite book: the alchemist :x: favorite pen: my Precise V5 :x: favorite car: Porsche carrera GT :x: favorite animal: domestic = cat, wild = white tiger/wallaby :x: water brand: deer park :x: favorite burger place: umm….mcdonald’s I guess :x: favorite hobby: thinking/reading :x: favorite friends: they should know this :x: bar or club: HAHAHAHAHA :x: favorite vitamins: whatever it is that Frances/Christine had :x: favorite show: Will & Grace :x: favorite news: cnn :x: gold or silver: silver :x: favorite dog: Scottish terrier :x: cell phone co.: sprint :x: favorite shirt: band :x: favorite sport: soccer/ultimate :x: favorite alcohol: oh my…. :x: favorite computer: my vaio :x: favorite fruit: persimmons :x: favorite song: this is hard….only one? :x: ketchup or salsa: salsa…ketchup tastes funky to me :x: favorite milkshake: vanilla :x: steak or lobster: …..D: both? Lobster. :x: favorite color: blue :x: favorite weather: cool night or rain :x: favorite states: VA, NC YOU... :x: have a crush on someone: pfft….oh, you’re serious? :x: wish you could live somewhere else: nah :x: think about suicide: I have, yes. :x: believe in online dating: no :x: think others find you attractive: those that do are a bit unhinged….if you know that I mean :x: want more piercings: no :x: like cleaning: yeah :x: like roller coasters: no :x: write in cursive or print: print :x: last talked to: tracy :x: last thought of: some weird fruit called soursop :x: last showered: yesterday morning :x: last cut your nails: days ago :x: last did laundry: days ago :x: last hugged a tree: I dunno… :x: last watched anime: a month? :x: last prayed: not since I was little FOR OR AGAINST? :x: long distant relationships: is okay if you stay in touch… :x: killing people: against….but killing those who killed people, for. As in…capital punishment :x: teenage smoking: despicable :x: driving drunk: reckless :x: gay/lesbian relationships: I think it’s normal. People like who they want to like. Deal with it. :x: soap operas: ew, but funny HAVE YOU... :x: ever cried over a boy: *sigh* yes :x: ever been in a fist fight: no :x: ever been arrested: no :x: ever had a friend die: no :x: ever dated a cousin: what the….? Imagines David *shudders* :x: ever used a gun: no :x: ever french kiss: …………………………………………………………………… :x: ever finished a puzzle: many :x: ever got surgery: no :x: ever got beat up: no :x: ever hated someone: yes :x: ever made a huge mistake: lots :x: ever tried any drugs: no :x: ever jogged a mile: yeah :x: ever played w/ someones feelings: heh, yeah. :x: ever had feelings for someone young: yeah. WHAT... :x: shoes do you wear: converses :x: do you sleep in: pfft, duh :x: did you eat for lunch: rice and chicken :x: is love: a sense-killer :x: of times I have had my heart broken? none :x: of hearts I have broken?: ummm….soon to be 4? I dunno….I doubt they’re really broken. :x: of girls I have kissed?: *HEADDESK* :x: of boys I have kissed?: oh my…. :x: of guys/girls you've rejected?: two? :x: of drugs you taken: none :x: of accidents you been in: none :x: of people you lead on?: oh my…. :x: of people you broke up with?: soon to be three DO YOU THINK YOU ARE... :x: pretty: no :x: funny: I hope I am, but sometimes I hear crickets chirping :x: hot: no :x: friendly: I guess :x: ugly: no :x: lovable: I can be, I guess :x: caring: yeah :x: dorky: XD yeah, I can be :x: cocky: very :x: girly: not really :x: boyish: perhaps :x: smart: when I’m cocky :x: pimp: pfft, I’m pimpin all o’er da place, dawg :x: angel: muahahahahahaha---oh…wrong laugh :x: gangster: I said I’m pimpin dawg! Yo, why you tryin to play down my street cred, yo? :x: god: no FAVORITE.... :x: five letter word: can’t think of one :x: comedian: I dunno :x: candy: I don’t really have one :x: cartoon: tom and jerry, dude! Then there are other mind-numbing ones, of course :x: cereal: frosted flakes :x: chewing gum: juicy fruit :x: day of week: sat :x: least fave day: mon :x: jello flavor: cherry x-treme jello! :x: summer/winter: winter :x: trampolines or swimming pools: pool….trampolines can be….okok, so both can be fatal PERSON WHO LAST :x: slept in your bed: me :x: saw you cry: dad, since he woke me up :x: made you cry: death :x: you went to the movies with: Jared :x: yelled at you: mom :x: sent you an email: tracy HAVE YOU EVER... :x: said "i love you" and meant it?: maybe :x: gone out in public in your pajamas?: no :x: kept a secret from everyone?: always, several :x: cried during a movie?: yeah :x: ever at anytime owned new kids on the block?: ……… :x: planned your week based on the TV Guide?: no :x: been on stage?: yes :x: been to New York?: yes :x: been to California?: yes :x: been to Florida?: yes :x: Hawaii?: no :x: China?: no :x: Canada?: no :x: Europe?: no :x: apples or bananas?: bananas :x: blue or red?: blue :x: walmart or target?: walmart :x: spring or fall?: fall :x: what are you gonna do after you finish this? Post it :x: what was the last meal you ate?: soup :x: are you bored?: I have to be :x: last noise you heard?: dad in his room :x: last smell you sniffed: fabric softener :x: last time you went out of state/province?: few weeks ago FRIENDSHIP/LOVE: :x: do you believe in love at first sight?: no….I believe in infatuation at first sight :x: do you want children one day & if so, how many?: adopted, two :x: most important thing to you in a friendship is?: trust RANDOM STUFF: :x: criminal record?: no :x: do you speak any other languages?: yeah :x: name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: pillows, sheets, laptop :x: piercings and where?: two, ears :x: worst feeling in the world?: when someone you care about is angry/sad and you can’t do anything because you’re lacking courage or a brain to make it better. :x: whom you love: friends, I guess….what is love? your? :x: nickname(s): ha ha. My asian alcoholic (kiarah), wallaby :x: initials: HTN :x: how old do you look?: like I’m in college :x: how old do you act?: depends…. :x: glasses/contacts?: glasses :x: braces: no :x: do you have any pets?: yes :x: you get embarrassed?: heh, more than you think I do. :x: what upsets you? Rudeness, disrespect, looking like an idiot, messing up in front of people, people being condescending, stupid people, idiotic people

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O_O O_O O_O soooo......long....

[1]. Name one person who is on your mind right now? I dunno... [2]. Do you think your life has been good so far? 40% I thought I would’ve forgotten by now…20% sluggish, 10% sleepy, and 30% good [3]. Where is the last place you went? pssh….the store. [4]. Who is the last person you called? Tracy [5]. Who is the last person you texted? Frances [6]. What's the name of your first love? *runs away screaming* [7]. Do you still talk to him/her/see? most like not [8]. What's the longest relationship you've ever been in? errr….a little over a year [9]. Why did it end? because we don’t really like each other, I don’t think. [10]. ever cheated on anyone? Yeah [11]. Been cheated on? No *looks down in shame* [12]. Have you ever thought that you were in love? never [13]. Ever been caught having sex? WTF. Sure…tons of times in ground watts [14]. Have you ever slept with someone on the first date? Sure, it’s more exciting that way *rolls eyes* [15]. What is your favorite body type to cuddle with? let’s see…it’s soft, fuzzy, inanimate, and had beady black eyes. [16]. Do you look like your mom or dad? none…more like grandpa, I guess… [17]. Do you have siblings? *mumbles* wish I didn’t… [18]. Do you smile often? with the right people [19]. Do you think that someone is thinking about you right now? nah. [20]. Could you be a vegetarian? sure, I’m up to it. [21]. Are you sentimental? REALLY sentimental, someone kill me. [22]. If you had to get married tomorrow, who would you marry?: that soft, fuzzy, inanimate person with beady eyes….of course there’d be no children, but I’m fine with that. [23]. Groomsmen/Bridesmaid? oh boy…I’ll regret this. Groomsmen: Qin, Kangyue, Jacob, Tai///Bridesmaids: errr….Frances, Tracy, Carmen……oh my…god…*mumbles* Kiarah [24]. Who would you want to catch the bouquet/garter? who do I want to be doomed with the married life? No one. [25]. Do you know anyone who wants to marry you? <.< No. And it stays that way. [26]. Ever thought someone was "the one"? right….oh look *points an random dude* there he is now [27]. What do you think your wedding song will be? Time After Time [28]. What is your middle name? if you know me and don’t know this, you’re an idiot [29]. Choose one to have (love, beauty, creativity): *sigh*……love, even though none of them lasts that long. And each is in the eyes of the beholder. [30]. Do you wish on stars? no [31]. Do you untie your shoes every time you take them off? too lazy for that [32]. What is the most disgusting food you've ever eaten? oh yes….porcupine. [33]. Would you kill someone? who knows? [34]. When did you last cry? from a nightmare: few nights ago, from reality: I cry internally everyday jkjk, a few months ago [35]. If you were making a movie about yourself, who would play you? ummm…..me, but with someone else’s face edited over. For comedic purposes, someone not asian. [36]. Have you ever met anyone famous? nah [37]. Do you like your handwriting? no [38]. Who are you jealous of? no one that I know of [39]. What is your favorite lunchmeat? human, jk….geez….roast beef? [40]. Do you have any bad habits? I freeze when meeting new people, I mumble….etc… [41]. Are you a friendly person? maybe [42]. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? maybe [43]. Do looks matter? to a point, then it’s rather useless. [44] favorite school subject? chem [45]. Are you keeping a secret from the world? always, and several [46]. Do you regret anything? pfft…..I can name a lot [[Before The Media]] Do you watch the Gilmore Girls?: occasionally Have you ever enjoyed listening to Jack Johnson?: his lyrics are….interesting Do you listen to Christian rock?: no Have you ever seen or enjoyed watching the O.C.?: No Do you have one or more Britney Spears C.D.?: No Do you regularly watch the news?: no Which radio stations are your favorites?: 95.1, 88.9 Are you a Lost fanatic?: no…but I’m…ahhh, forget it, that joke can’t be salvaged. [[Be honest]] Do you have a song by Ozzy Osbourne in your library?: no Queen?: no Alanis Morissette?: no Do you watch Family Guy regularly?: no The Simpsons?: no King of the Hill?: HELL NOI concur [[Admit it]] Do you read trashy romance novels often?: no Do you really work out every day?: kind of? Have you ever eaten chocolate in bed?: OH MY GOD. I’ll take that the innocent way and say yes. Have you ever eaten an entire pint, or more, ice cream by yourself?: no Have you ever spent an entire day in bed without being sick?: heh, yeah Have you ever eaten nothing but junk food for a week straight: no Do you shower every single morning, no exceptions?: yes…well, late to class is the only exception Have you ever gone to school/work only 15 minutes after waking up?: yea Do you ever forget to give an xmas present & instead keep it for yourself?: no Do you sing obnoxiously in the car when you're driving alone?: hehehehe, not obnoxiously…but I’ll sing Do you sing obnoxiously in the shower when no one's home?: kind of Do you go nights without brushing your teeth?: never Have you ever watched a little kid's show when you were over 12?: yeah Have you ever looked forward to go to school?: sadly, yes… [[Love Questions That Aren't So Necessary]] Have you ever had an explicit dream involving your crush?: no Did it include a broom closet?: no Have you ever pretended your crush was with you when they really werent?: no, that’s just sad….and bad form. Did you draw for your first crush back in elementary school/preschool?: yeah… (Girls) Have you ever asked a guy out?: no (Guys) Have u ever liked a girl but didnt ask her out b/c you were afraid?: what the…oh…guys Have you and a (past or present) significant other ever made an 'Our Song'?: no Have you ever written a poem/story about your lovelife?: NO An autobiography?: No Have u evr listened 2 a song repeatedly just b/c it reminded u of ur crush?: my god, no. Have you ever spent over an hour thinking about nothing but your crush?: can my thoughts go that long without being interrupted? Do you reread meaningless AIM convos just because theyre with your crush?: no…I read meaningful AIM convos because I’m bored. Have you ever reconsidered liking someone because of their appearance?: *sigh* sadly, yes. Have you ever liked someone solely for their appearance?: ohhhh yeah… [[The Questions You Love: Completely and Utterly Pointless Ones]] Do you eat all the servings in the food groups on a daily basis?: try to Are you ever a freak about cleanliness or organization? kinda Have you ever been treated for OCD? ADD?: no, but kiarah said I should get it checked out before I die of cleaner-overdose Do you own a graphing calculator?: yeah Have you ever been to South America or Africa?: no Have you ever owned a Klutz book or kit?: no, I know a Kluttz, though Do you know how to knit?: no Do you have a cellphone or iPod with a patterned cover?: no Have you ever written song lyrics yourself and put them in your profile/away message?: <.< >.> <.< >.> no. Do you keep a diary or journal (online or on paper)?: yeah Did you ever want to be an astronaut or a teacher when you were a kid?: no Do you own a striped sweater?: a horrible one hand-made by asian relatives complete with the cute pony How often do you take a bubble bath?: never…well, as a kid, maybe When you open your closet, what is the dominant color of your clothes?: blue/green [[Truly Unusual This or That Questions]] Baskin Robbins or Coldstones?: coldstones Sees or Godiva?: Godiva, wth are Sees The Shins or the Decemberists?: I guess decemberists, if I have to America or Canada?: idk Physics or chemistry?: chem Glamorous or au naturale?: ewww….no makeup pour moi *sigh* I sound like a kid Earphones or headphones?: good headphones Chocolate brown or teal?: teal Earrings or a ring?: ring Commitment or casual dating?: depends Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings?: eh….HP Fly or road trip?: flying…on a broom :DDDD Starbucks or Petes?: starbucks? Athletics or academics?: academics [[Another Wave of Random Questions]] Do you know what a geisha is?: yeah your favorite disney movie? Beauty and the Beast Do you have a more classic style or do you stay up-to-date (clothes wise)?: it’s called “Ha Thien sleepily grabs whatever is closest to her” How much jewelry do you own?: few What year do you graduate high school in?: 2008 Have you memorized the rejection hotline, just in case?: HAHAHAHAHAHA….nah Have you ever given someone the rejection hotline as your number?: nah… Have you ever eaten at a food court?: yeah Do you own any Care Bears memorabilia?: I used to like that lion thing…but no Do you have a quilt on your bed?: no What color is it?: invisible

What Type of Killer Are You? [cool pictures]

You are an assassin.
That means you are a proffessional and do your job without mixing any emotions in it. In your life you have probably been hurt many times and have gotten some mental scars. This results in you being distant from people. Though many think that you are evil, you are not. What you really are is a person, trying to forget your pain and past. You are the person who never seems to care and that is why being an assassin fits you good. Atleast, that's what people think. Even if you don't care that much for your victims, you still have the ability to care and to generally feel. It is not lost, just a little forgotten. In crowds you tend to not get to noticed, and dress in black or other discrete colours. You don't being in the spotlight and wish people would just leave you alone. But once you do get close to someone you have a hard time letting go and get real down if you lose him/her.

Main weapon: Sniper
Quote:"The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn
Facial expression: Narrowed eyes
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What sort of Weapon best Represents your Personality? (anime pics!)

Your personality is best represented by the traditional Japanese Katana. You are brave beyond words and rarely (if ever) act for your own personal gain. Your honor is very important to you, and you strive to better yourself and help others. You try not to let emotions get in the way of making a sound decision, and are usually quite successful.
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