thoughts

I do worry about how they leave you. I don’t want to be left by someone who knew almost everything about me, the way I think, the reasons I felt the way I did. I don’t want them to know what makes me and breaks me, because when they leave it’s like those feelings are at risk…of exposure to the outside world that I fear so much, the outside world that I built my walls for. I don’t want them to leave knowing that they got me, got me to give out information about my personal and mental identity. It leaves you bare and unsure of how you’re going to build yourself back up again. How do you replace such things? When a lock is broken, you feel the need to buy a new one, no? How do I find a new mental defense?
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I value things that I fear might not be true. The possibility of not being true tells me that when I do gain them, they will be valuable. However, does that make me any better than a treasure hunter, going after dangerous rewards that I might never reach? Am I going around in a circle?