hmmm, thoughts before packing

I was watching some of the latest Bleach episodes and though the filler-effect was causing me to drone out on what is really happening, I managed to catch the question of “Why have there been so many Hollows in this town lately?” Kon commented that it seems like there have been more than there were in the past. Since Hollows are souls that have been affected by hatred and such…the concept immediately caught my mind. I don’t think the writers are putting that in there deliberately…I mean…if every decision was deliberate, then this world would become very complex. However, it did dawn on me to think about unhappiness, hatred, and regret—things that binds us to the mortal world even though our souls been to move on. Why has there been more? *sigh* It seems like the more I think about “getting rid of unhappiness”, the more I sound like one of those beauty pageant contestants claiming that they’re wishing for world peace. Yeah right….they want that crown, not world peace.

Anyway, it seems to me that the more we advance in the world—the more we evolve scientifically—the more it seems like we’re regressing mentally. To me, it looks like we’re giving ice cream to a kid. The more we give away, the more the kid will want to eat, until he gets nauseous that is. The more we advance, and the more we want to gain….the closer we get to the point where we become unbearably sick of the strain that life puts on us. Does that make sense to you? Here we are, trying to make ourselves live longer….and I’m thinking, “Do I want to live longer?” To me…the more you try to prolong life, the more you’re actually trying to prolong your torture. I’m sure that by the time I’m 100, I’ll be so sick of life—so sick of seeing people I care about getting hurt—that I’ll be glad to help move myself along towards death. Not only are there good personal reasons, there are good general reasons as well. I, for one, will probably get sick of the monster that modern-day politics has grown into. Before, you have kings killing kings, now it seems like you have prime ministers, kings, emperors, and dictators trying to get others to kill for them. They don’t attack one another anymore, they just try to be “civil” and reform the other, through war and ridiculous squabble over material things.

The sad thing is that our survival instincts tell us we have to fight for those material things, because the modern world tells us we need them to reach the standard of living that we seek. It’s the ego. The force that’s telling us to topple over the people we know—just to get to a few measly gallons of gas—is also responsible for the kids that are killing themselves in school to defeat each other in an eligibility and qualification battle for scholarships and placements in the colleges of their dreams. No matter what the motive, we’re all victims of the word “want”…and that occasional urge to push others out of our way…that’s what makes me think that I’m a really selfish creature sometimes.

Now is the time to start packing