watching and thinking

It's emotions. Emotions cloud judgment, strong enough emotions release those nice little adrenaline rushes...and enough of that makes for hasty decisions. So where is the line between the mind and the "heart", for a lack of a better word...?

I think I'm different from most in that while I believe that emotions cloud your judgment, and lead your carriage down this gravel path in the park that you sometimes wish would be different, I also think that...well, you need them. Emotions are inevitable, it's just a matter of how much you can control them. Wait...no....you can't control you emotions...I think it's a matter of being able to control your actions that are results of your emotions. Some people can do that, some others can't. I can't; I think that makes me a slave to my emotions. However, if you look at it in another way, I also fully enjoy my emotions at the same time. In being upset, feeling sadness, in caring and failing, I am creating opportunities for me to feel accomplished, to learn things about myself and my emotions. After I'm upset, what do I feel? I feel remorse, regret, but then when it's resolved, I feel happiness. Having failed, I'm able to fully feel success when it comes. Having been hurt, I'm able to appreciate how much other people care about me. I'm glad.

How did that I get to that point up there? I don't know....I tend to talk myself down a winding road. Hmmm....more and more, I feel like I'm doing a bad impersonation of myself...that's the quote that I keep thinking. However, the thing is, more and more I feel like I'm not trying to act like myself. Something to think about there....

I watched House last night, and I watched this episode that made me think. Basically, to make it short, I ended up asking myself, "How is it that you can love someone, and still not trust them?" Hahaha, then I thought to myself, "I do that all the time." I care about certain people, but I don't tell them everything. I have things that I hide, feelings that I don't convey, messages from my brain that are not relayed. I think....perhaps I know how the other side feels now, but then again....the people I care about--who hopefully cares about me back--do the same things! Funny, eh? I value trust, but I don't trust, what does that say about me? I'm afraid of it?