so I was thinking

What do you think goes behind each and every one of our actions? What is the motive? Is there really a selfless act? There are always seemingly selfless acts, ones where you secretly want something in return. Do you think everyone actually expects something back when they give away a part of themselves? I think that every act has a motive and, simplistically, there are two types of payment one can expect in return.

1) something materialistic
2) something abstract

I think that when most people are thinking of a "selfless act" they're really wanting something abstract, probably something they're not aware of. Love, affection, gratitude...you want the other person to develop some sort of attachment to you, really. I think that same thing happens when you're thinking that you're doing something out of "love". It makes you happy to make someone you care about really happy. However, subconsciously or consciously and no matter how little it is, you want them to feel the same way. You might not necessarily want them to be able to do the same thing for you, but you'd still want them to feel the same way.

I think that no matter what a person says, they still crave affection. I don't think it's escapable. Heh...in my opinion, it really just depends on how good you are at being able to hide the fact that you want it just as much as everyone else does. There are two reactions that a person can have...and that is to deny any interaction with these feelings, or to accept that it's there. I think I'm a person that is still confused as to which one I want; ipso facto, I can never fully plunge myself into revealing my feelings or not. Heh. I think this state of half-decision really bothers some people. Someday, I hope I'll be able to decide. I'm a person that believes that not everything can be decided by a logical thought process. Perhaps that's due to the fact that my thought processes tend to draw themselves out to a point of being illogical. To many logical counter-arguments ultimately equates to one big illogical mess. The killer thing about that is, those counter-arguments give you impressions of making the right choice every time it happens. One day I'll master those counter-arguments. I'll leave you with lyrics...ones that I think reflect what I'm thinking. If you want, decipher what I'm thinking.


"Nothing Lasts Forever"

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both

I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep

Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep

If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

Though we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains

Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way