I apologize for this

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!

*dies*

tasting menu

Okay....so I'm still watching Top Chef...and I'm thinking...a 4-course tasting menu for wine connoisseurs. They spent a lot of time arguing over what to serve....and took in the idea of a dessert...which none of them knew how to do.

I'm not experienced enough to know what courses to do per se, but if I was there and didn't know what a tasting menu should consist of, which I wouldn't, I'd still say that there needs to be a light, crisp salad or amuse bouche with a light seafood as the central ingredient...like tuna/scallops...preferably with a tossed sashimi salad somewhere in there or a ceviche. Maybe if you want to REALLY impress judges...and you think you can pull it off, recommend an acidic wine with an artichoke course. Artichokes are usually advised against when wine is involved because artichokes makes it taste sweeter...sometimes killing the wine. However, an acidic wine will work. Then I'd go for something heavier, like duck or a wild meat...venison? boar? something bold...to impress the judges with flavors...but not as heavy as the next course. As for the next course....I'd go for fois gras...which...hehehehehehe if you cook right will go well with nice wines.

Then...because they don't know how to do deserts, I think they should've gone with cheese as the central ingredient...maybe finish at the end with a nice tart...

Instead....the group of non-pastry chefs went with pineapple desserts....where they failed miserably.

*sigh*

"kara" (2:05:27 PM): i like raw human flesh
"kara" (2:05:30 PM): but only not to eat
blackfalcon1477 (2:05:45 PM): ummm
blackfalcon1477 (2:05:46 PM): <.<
blackfalcon1477 (2:05:50 PM): <<<<<.<<<<<
"kara" (2:06:00 PM): ...
blackfalcon1477 (2:06:17 PM): O_O
blackfalcon1477 (2:06:24 PM): *backs away a little*
"kara" (2:06:40 PM): heh
"kara" (2:06:42 PM): watch out brian.
blackfalcon1477 (2:06:48 PM): XDDDDD
blackfalcon1477 (2:06:52 PM): hahahaha
blackfalcon1477 (2:06:56 PM): so dirty
"kara" (2:07:01 PM): you enjoy it
blackfalcon1477 (2:07:06 PM): XDDD
blackfalcon1477 (2:07:09 PM): the dirtiness?
"kara" (2:07:11 PM): yes
"kara" (2:07:17 PM): / you were probably thinking similar things
blackfalcon1477 (2:07:22 PM): hahahaha
blackfalcon1477 (2:07:25 PM): *sigh*
blackfalcon1477 (2:07:28 PM): maybe, maybe

nightmare

The dream started out where Frances was supposed to be undercover spying on this giant spider woman and I was sent to bring her back to our hideout or something. So when I went there, I was talking to her when the spider woman came into the room and Frances hid me behind this door. However, when the spider came in, she started to load all the stuff that she had behind the door….and it was giant bags of candy. <.< wtf?

So then it started piling on me, and fell back to the other side of the door, at which point, she found me out. She thought I was a spy, too, but then I told her that I would clean her house and stuff if she let me live (because that place was messy) and she accepted. So then I began to lay undercover, occasionally visiting Frances in her room upstairs. I forgot what her job was…However, it turns out that the spider we were spying on was working for some evil wizard or something and he was going to take over the world. Ummm...for some reason, his name was Ethan Hawke.

So then we both went to spy on this massive meeting in the assembly room, and there were like hundreds of people dressed in suits and such who were supporters of the plan. After gaining this information, we escaped from the place. So then my dream flashed forward to a department store...only it looked a lot like a mix between home depot and the habitat store that I worked at. It was weird....and I think by that time, the taking over the world had already begun, and Frances and I were part of the resistance. Anyway, I was there with my mom and sister. We were looking around and such, and so I went to look for Frances to talk about the plan. In that store, though, were a ton of people who were really scared of being killed and such, so they're watching what they're saying, and it's kind of similar to what people were doing in Harry Potter books. So I saw Kathleen and my other friends, and they were part of the resistance, too....only Kathleen looked kinda kooky and was wearing this rainbow-colored poncho....wtf?

So then I caught up with my mom once the plan has been confirmed, and they started to call all the resistance to come to this....store...wth? So then I went back to call my mom and told her to take us home. She doesn't know what I'm planning....actually, she doesn't even know about the evil guy trying to kill everyone. So I briefly told her that she has to get out now and that I'll take her to the car. Well....some guy ran up and started to explain the situation....but she doesn't seem to get how grave the situation was getting so she heard what he was saying, but doesn't seem to be phased. Well...we went to check out the stuff we were buying...and they were chess games...boxes of them. The ladies checking us out were older..,and they seemed to be unhappy...but after we paid for the games, they told my mom to check the games. I asked her why my mom had to check the games and she screamed out something along the lines of "Because we were told to check for harmful things and dads have been proved to be failures." WTF. I didn't understand that...but then I leaned in a whisper to her "heh...even if there was any sign of the resistance on those games, my mom wouldn't say..."

So then we went out of the store...and suddenly there were police officers holding off people like Frances and all my friends back behind this controlled area. I knew that they were gonna round us all up...and suddenly the sky started to go dark very quickly. At this point, it's getting weird because that is from another dream I had about two nights before. In that dream, I was in an open field, and we had to run to the wooded area on the other side and make it into the shadows of the woods before it gets darks...and anyone who remains on the field dies. They just...drop dead. I couldn't let my mom and sister stand here with the resistance, so I ran and told Frances that she should stay inside this area and she'll be safe. I said I would be back...and then I told my mom to run and follow me before it gets dark. She took my sister and ran with me. However, as we were nearing the woods...they were separated from me...

I was running around, frantically looking for them...and I kept seeing glimpses of the dark green coat that my mom was wearing...but I didn't see them. Then I didn't know what happened, but someone picked me up and threw me into the woods. Wow...they had to be strong...but yeah...I knew I was alive. Then it got bright again, and I was starting to look for my mom in the woods, in the mass of people that made it. I think I started crying at some point as I was frantically running around. So then I started to run towards the field...and I saw that glimpse of green again...

So I ran like crazy to that huddle of people, and I looked around. I sat down in what seems to be snow at this point...Like...every person lying in the field was covered with a light layer of snow. And it was hard to see because it was snowing rapidly...but I looked down and I saw my sister's face...so then I saw my mom right next to her...I think I started to scream. Although...I think it was half scream and half crying like crazy. So...I felt someone shaking me...and I woke up. Apparently, I was crying and screaming in real life, too...and I was sweating like crazy. My dad asked me, but I just glared at him...and he just went outside my room again.

The Soup

Don't unnecessarily expose yourself if you can't handle it.

Extra Amazing Amanda

Time After Time by Quietdrive

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles confusion is nothing new
You say go slow; I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

Chorus:
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you; I'll be waiting
Time after time

Time after time
Time after time

Sometimes you picture me I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me I can't hear just what you've said
You say go slow; I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

Chorus

After my picture fades and darkness has turned to gray
Watching through windows, you're wondering if I'm ok
But you say go slow; I fall behind
The drum beats out of time

Chorus
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you I'll be waiting
(I'll always be waiting)

hi there--comics galore

a comic about thepowers of hugging
on the other hand...permanent hug isn't the best idea.
____________________________

xkcd
what if
in the trees
The perfect sound
fixed width
XDDD
____________________________

purple-shirted eye stabber

1st
worst. story. ever.
it's pink?
nerf....blowdarter?
shameless plug


so horrible....--I'm not gonna track him....

*squeeze*--it would be funnier, I think if you know about Frances' comic, or if you go all the way to the beginning and track all the *squeeze* comics. XDDDDD

it's a bird! it's a plane! it's....dead...

take out

HA! I knew Sesame Street was the source...and they said it came from Asia...

vodka

best use of the song...ever.

The wonders of math...

Macbeth
Macbeth 2

Music is talking to me?

Well...not really...it's just my brain talking to myself through music. Alors...this is the last of my prolific chain of thoughts for this morning.

"Stop Me" by Mark Ronson is simply a horribly arranged, cacophony of sounds...just wanna state that...
_________________________________________

Haha…so stuck in a strange mix between Harry Potter and Backstreet Boys…I had an epiphany. Well….a realization…Who would understand me best? That’s what I found myself asking. Who would? A voice in the back of my head involuntarily gave out an answer, “Does it matter? You fool, the only person that you’ll be completely fascinated by, always care for, and all that good stuff, is the person that knows you best.” I know, I know….that’s an absurd ideal to work towards….and I know it’s certainly not true for everybody. It’s true for me, though. Let me elaborate. Someone who can understand the duality of my brain, the contradiction behind my ideologies and words, is someone who understands me...probably to a tee. So what? Quite a few people know what I’m like...does it matter? No. Understanding is different from knowing. To understand another's duality, you must also have a similar duality within yourself. It’s like understanding what a burn is. You know it's quite painful, you sympathize, but do you really comprehend the degree of pain to which they felt? I might not make sense right now, but I’m stating my thoughts anyway.

Wow…how bad of a fan am I? I didn’t even manage to remember that Harry’s mother’s Patronus was a doe….and Snape loved her, so his Patronus was a doe as well. I have no comment on that at the moment. My mind is still pondering over the matter of love. It’ll always ponder over the matter of love. Until I understand it, I won’t cease to question.

So I thought of this Chinese drama show thing that I was watching a few weeks ago out of boredom. Basically, dude had 7 wives. He claimed to love all of them equally, though in different ways. When he was asked who he loved most, he simply replied that he was happiest with one person, adored one the most, loved one the most, doted on one the most, etc…The person that actually held my attention--while I yawned through the rest--was the person he said he was happiest with. She was the person he trusted the most. It interested me because…I value trust. Whoever I trust most is the person that makes me happiest. In the drama, she was always the first person to follow him, to give advice, to listen. There was equal trust, because it put her in agony to be 1 of 7. It made me think...so does love mean trust also? I don’t know. To me, the more I search for what it is, the more I find myself tangled in so many different definitions of it. Anyway, the point is that it’s not enough for me to be able to trust someone…they have to trust me in return, maybe just as much…I won’t ask for more than that. I never ask anyone for more than what I give them. Hmm….

Well, now I just had a thought. If he was happiest with her, then what else did he seek in those other people? What did he mean by loving someone else more? How could the person he loved most not be the same as the person he was happiest with? I hope I’m not like that. Then again, I’ve found that some things I wish weren’t true about myself turn out to be things that make a majority of who I am.

HP continues and music amuses

“’So the boy…the boy must die?’ asked Snape quite calmly.
‘And Voldemort himself must do it, Severus. That is essential.’
Another long silence. Then Snape said, ‘I thought…all these years…that we were protecting him for her. For Lily.’”
After finding out that Harry’s been trained and raised for the purpose of “dying at the right time”, Snape was asked “Have you grown to care for the boy after all?”
Snape then cast a Patronus (something that requires your happiest memories), cried, and said “Always” which….I take to mean that he’s always done so for the sake of Lily Potter. I also take it to mean that the memory was, no doubt, of Lily Potter. At this point, we know his Patronus is a doe…which Snaped used to lead Harry to the sword he was looking for. Why? Why lie to yourself about caring for someone? In order to lie to yourself about caring for someone else? This is driving me insane…I hope to never be like this. Or do I? Argh….

Again, it seems music wants to amuse me. I’m reading about how Snape rummaged through the house and found a letter written by Lily and took the part that said “love, Lily” along with a picture of her smiling for himself while shedding--no doubt painful--tears…the song playing? “Epilogue (Relief)” by Apocalyptica. Funny how the music didn’t sound like relief to me. I hear tears; don’t you?

It amused me even more, trying to cheer me up through Harry’s walk to death, passing Ginny on the way. It played “I Can Do Better” by Avril Lavigne. The upbeat melody….the fast drums, the title…it all made me smile. I switched to “Innocence” and….still fitting for the mood. Oh music, how you always fit when I want you to…

music: the second stimulant--early morning revelations continue

The effects of music….I was reading about Snape’s biggest fear…someone he loved being hurt. You know…I think that fear is in everybody…Anyway, while I was reading about Snape betraying Voldemort…ultimately because Voldemort aimed to come after Lily and her family…risked dying by the evil wizard, risked what he had, to warn Dumbledore…Anyway, the affects this had on me were heightened by “Faraway” playing in the background on iTunes. To care is to be able to betray what you’re doing for the sake of the person, right? To the point of becoming a willing participant in death what you knew would come? Or is that love? Where’s the line? How would I know once it’s happened? I seem to always be stuck, between waiting for a chance to care about someone and being cautious so that I wouldn’t fall too far, if at all. I seem to want to find someone to care about, but…also always afraid that the person is going to betray me. Will I ever decide?

Then…to give yourself up to your enemy for anything they want….not knowing what they want. Being asked to protect the offspring of the person you loved and the person you hated (which you loathe even more for taking away the person you love). My mind is telling me it’s pathetic to be in that state. Then it tells me the act is rather noble, awkward and humiliating but commendable nonetheless. I will never be able to decide. I tell myself I don’t want to be that pathetic, and then….and a voice in the back of my head secretly tells me that I’d love the honor of being able to do that for someone; it said I’d be happy to do it. ;akjsblaheta;wigja….I hate myself sometimes. Do you understand this?

Harry Potter--an "early morning revelations" stimulant

It all begins with Snape's story with Lily Potter, Harry's mom. Funny how the things I pick out from this book aren't really silly spells and magic...

But first....some of my other thoughts.

“'But he’s there! Potter’s there! Someone grab him!'
Before Harry could speak, there was a massive movement. The Gryffindors in front of him had risen and stood facing, not Harry but the Slytherins. Then the Hufflepuffs stood and, almost at the same moment, the Ravenclaws, all of them with their backs to Harry, all of them looking towards Pansy instead, and Harry, awestruck and overwhelmed, saw wands emerging everywhere, pulled form beneath cloaks and under sleeves.”
--imcredible image to me. All against one.

“He yearned not to feel….He wished he could rip out his innards, everything that was screaming inside him….”
_____________________________________________

“’And will it really come by owl?’ Lily whispered
‘Normally,’ said Snape. ‘But you’re Muggle-born, so someone from the school will have to come and explain it to your parents.’
‘Does it make a different being Muggle-born?’
Snape hesitated. His black eyes, eager in the greenish gloom, moved over the pale face, the dark red hair.
‘No,’ he said. ‘It doesn’t make any difference’”

“’Doesn’t your dad like magic?’
‘He doesn’t like anything much,’ said Snape.
‘Severus?’
A little smile twisted Snape’s mouth when she said his name.
‘Yeah?’
‘Tell me about the dementors again.’”

I was reading and had to stop to think about something….If Snape and Lily were best friends…Snape clearly cared about Lily…since they were mere neighbors…then…How can they stop being best friends? I…I don’t get that concept. I don’t like being lied to. I consider a withdrawn friendship the most heinous lie I will ever encounter. I consider a fake friendship despicable. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand how someone can stop being a friend….She disapproved of his choice in company, but…he had no intent in doing the same things; does the matter of company affect how you are inside? Does love affect a person that much? Does “falling in love” affect how you are to your friends? I mean to say, if the person you loved didn’t approve of your friends, would you follow them in that judgment as well? Would I do that? Would I ever? Does unrequited love make you feel so wretched inside that you turn to obeying evil? In the book it’s an external evil, but symbolically….it could very well be internal. Is the power so great that you will abandon what you knew and follow something you didn’t…just because your love was unrequited? Will I ever do that? Will I let myself sink down to that level? If I were to love someone, would I know? Would I keep a straight head? Would I ever love someone who tears me up to the point of betraying who I am? Would I know to get out? Is it possible to get out? Does it cloud your judgment from what a person truly is? Will it cloud mine? I don’t understand these feelings at all….

work

So I sat at the register. I was reading, bored....blah. Tracy called, :DDDDD

Even though I wasn't being a good conversationalist, the call cheered me up immensely. I had to hang up because my phone was dying on me, and because I was busy with customers; making her sit there on the phone would make me feel bad. Well, through all the blahness of working at the register, John came up and asked me "So do the NCSSM kids still do that chant?" "What chant?" "The really horrible but funny one 'It's alright, it's okay, you'll be working for us someday!'" XDD Yeah....that was funny.

That cheered me up, too...John might scare me sometimes with his "Can I have a hug?" request, but he cheers me up as well, with the random NCSSM questions. I'll have to take a picture of him later because Frances asked me to...<.< More to torture me with, I guess...

then I went home...and I'm playing Gran Turismo 4 CHYEAH!!!!

hehehe....belated celebration

This will be a long one....

First off, I went to the mall today and got my sweater, and two shirts (one a light pink....YES, PINK...and one a green color)

Then I sat in Books-A-Million reading "The Professional Chef" while my sister got something to eat. I read everything up until "Food-borne Illnesses". AWESOME book. If I could, I would die clutching it...and never let it go.
_________________________________________________

I got a palm reading

"*stares at my hands for a few seconds* WOW...err...are you left-handed or right-handed? (me: right...) Okay...well, YOU have a lot of thoughts going in your head all the time. You're a questioner. Your mind is always questioning everything in your life...'What's my purpose?' 'What did he/she mean by that?' 'Why did this happen?' 'What is the meaning of this and that...etc' You...can't stop thinking about it, because that's your nature. I see a lot of 'smoothing of the rough edges' have been done...*smiles at me* because you used to be impulsive, more outgoing, always acting on your feelings. You also used to be really immature, and very willful. But now...you think about things more, you still base things on your feelings, but you balance it with logic also, that's why you think a lot. Now...you're more reserved and calm; you still want certain things to happen, but you realize that there are boundaries. You've done a lot of growing up lately and question a lot of things in life. Your Heart Line says that you will have many relationships in life, but these tend to be rather rocky because of that questioning nature of yours. You care about people around you, but you're always thinking 'Where is this going?' 'What am I doing here?' (this is when Jared appeared next to me, listening) and 'Why am I in this relationship?' (oh...boy) and that tends to make everything rocky. But you know, they all have to eventually accept that it's your nature, and there's nothing they can do about it. Someone will, and maybe they'll even appreciate it...then it'll all work out with whoever it is. Until then, there'll be a lot of misses. (gee, thanks lady) Your Head Line...there are a lot of things going on there, also...you were really unsure of what you want to be, and...even though there's one line that's clear and long, you're going to have a lot of rocky things before you get there. Even then, your Head Line has all these little lines intertwined with it...*chuckles* let's just say that you won't retire from the same company that you started with. There's going to be a lot of adventures, you'll try a lot of things, and you'll want to do a lot of things. You'll end up doing them, and you'll have fun. Your Life Line is well-defined as well, and there are also a lot of little lines intertwined with it. It's a good line, though, because it's deep and clear and that means you know where you want to go in life. You know what you want, you know how you want it to be, and you really go for it; However, you start out with a lot of questions, and you're undecided. Once you've gotten everything down, it's really nice and set. At the end, though, there'll be a big event in your life that affects a lot of things. Maybe you'll decide to retire and travel, maybe something important happens...I don't know that it is, but I know it's somewhere in the 'life-changing' category. I think you're a really interesting person...and it's good that you think about all those things. Keep thinking about it and good luck. *smiles*"

decisions

I think I'm annoyed by the "love conquers all argument".

looking through cyanide and happiness

thanks to Mrs. Ball, I actually understood this one...

hehe, I suggest you read the story...it is sooo awesome. Forgot who it's by but it was part of our Post-Modernism Unit for American Studies Lit.

If you want the scientific side of it, here it is...
_______________________________________

This simply reminded me of days in the sax section....where Steven was teaching us how to say "I have a crazy chicken in my pants" in Spanish...
_______________________________________

This is just downright sketchy <.<
_______________________________________

This one might not be funny to you....but it made me smile for a second there...dunno why
_______________________________________

Hehe...reminded me of Tracy...
_______________________________________

hehehe

things

So I was working with the habitat restore today...and was bored out of my mind when a customer walked in and started to ask about returning a stove bought there. We told him about the 7-day return policy, and how you can only get store credit if you return it. I mean...that kinda bites, I have to admit. However, he immediately went on meltdown mode...and pointed at the store mission statement sign. "To act out the teachings of God. Ha! right...right..." o_o dude...

So then he started to rant, saying that he's going to tell everyone he knows not to go to this store. Dude...this is like a donation store...to help build homes for people who have no homes...chill. Well, I didn't really express any of this, I just kind of sat there and read Harry Potter II and occasionally looked up at him. So then he looked at me and said "Just how Christian are you?" I closed my book for a minute and said "Well, for your edification, I'm Buddhist...so I'm not Christian at all....Just how Christian are you, sir? 0_o" He started to say something about telling people that the place was crap. So I stood up and started to walk away from the register. So in the best monotonic voice I can muster, I simply said, "Excuse me, sir, while I get the store manager."

"Yeah...yeah...go get the store manager for me...damn you community service kids."

It took a lot to not turn around and start yelling obscenities in his face. Honestly, I had this not-so-small urge to turn around and yell at him, throwing NCSSM in his face...but...that would be unnecessary...I won't give way to my obviously hurt pride. So then I walked in, after pausing for a few seconds to recompose myself. Tom then walked out...and I was saved from my internally boiling temper. I sat down at the register again...and continued reading. After getting his refund (a rare occasion for this store) he half-apologized, blamed it on heat. I half-smiled, said it was nothing, and kept on reading. People who use religion as an argument/personal stab irk me....

s'more

is a concoction I have never tasted and will never taste. It looks like it would be sweet enough to kill me. I was watching a Hershey's chocolate commercial.

AHHHH!!!! Stacy is back on the internet again!! Makes me happy :D
____________________

"kara": i want to kick someones ass now
me: find that girl that keeps asking for apples
"kara": i almost killed my self standing on a rickity table and a rolly chair using all of my strength to push the freaking window
"kara": hahahahahahahaha
"kara": apple girl is being loud
me: :O
"kara": i want to shout obsenities
me: how dare she

Dear Bobbie

I thought it deserved its own post :D

"Dear Bobbie,
Do you remember when you were young and very pretty? I do, I remember pleated skirts, black and white sattle shoes. Do you remember dancing that night? I do, I still think of you when we dance, although we cant jitterbug as we did then."

Do you remember when
How long has it been?
1945 you opened my blue eyes
To see a whole new life

Do you remember when
I told you this that night,
That if you're by my side
When everyday begins
I'll fall for you again
I made a promise when
I told you this that night

I'll be fine
When I die, then I die loving you
It's alright, I'll be fine
When I die then I die loving you
Loving you, loving you

"Do you remember the times we would give up on each other and get back together, then we finally was married in 1949. We drove the yellow convertible all night long. Do you remember? I do."

Life has led us here
Together all these years
This house that we have made
Holds twenty-thousand days

And memories we've saved
Since life has lead us here

And I'll be fine
Cause when I die, then I die loving you
It's alright, I'll be fine
Cause when I die then I die loving you
Loving you, loving you

I'm coming home to you
Stepping off my shoes
Resting in my chair
See you standing there
The silver in your hair

I'm coming home to you
When I lay tonight, when I close my eyes
I know the sun will rise
Here in the next life
As long as your still mine, then it's alright

I'll be fine
Cause when I die, then I die loving you
It's alright, I'll be fine
Cause when I die then I die loving you
Loving you, loving you

You have gray hair now but you're a beautiful woman and the years have been good to both of us. We walk slow now, but we still have each other. The glue of love is still bonding us together. That is what I remember. Do you remember?

Paper Walls

Shrink The World If I could then I'd, Shrink the world tonight, So that I would find, You and me inside. A life in love, A picture of, A place I'm nowhere near. A bleeding heart, A good head start, To anywhere but here. Just let me out, Please let me out, Before I turn into a box of things, Reminding me, How much I'm missing out. (I am missing you.) If I could then I'd, Shrink the world tonight, So that I would find, You and me inside. Of the last good scene, A film that changes things. Breaks us, makes us sing, Leaves us wondering. And through the wall my fist you call and then you always run. So what's it for, the love and war, it's only fair for some. You saved the girl you saved the world, Well that's not true it seems. A lesson learned, speak out of turn, I bite my tongue it bleeds. (Bite my tongue it bleeds) If I could then I'd Shrink the world tonight So that I would find You and me inside. Of the last good scene, A film that changes things. Breaks us, makes us sing, Leaves us wondering. Are you wondering?

Afraid Lie in this empty bed With this aching head You left me here this morning now I can't remember, why I let you in again To get under my skin And every time you disappear and I remember I look for you, but I can't see your face Then I hear you, the only thing you say I am afraid right now I don't wanna let you down And I am the one who cant be saved The only thing I say I am afraid right now what if I cant get out What if I don't want to be saved? This is me afraid Now, theres no place like home To make me feel alone, see you everywhere I am And I remember, how you ran out to hide Kept me close behind Following your every move so I remember I look for you, but I cant see your face And I hear you the only thing you say I am afraid right now I don't wanna let you down I am the one who cant be saved The only thing I say I am afraid right now what if I can't get out What if i don't want to be saved This is me afraid I look for you but i cant see your face then i hear you the only thing you say Don't look for me cause you will never say and you wont hear me (you wont hear me) Why do we keep this up? Why do we live like us? When there is nothing left to save Will you be afraid? I am afraid right now What if you let me down You are the one who can't be saved If only I could say I am afraid right now You will never get out You never let yourself be saved You are so afraid

And when I thought that I might be invincible
It wasn't long before I was invincible
To your eyes and I swear
There's nothing left in here
And the more you say you don't care
The more I know you're there

quotes and things--because I need to let it out before I break

Ahhh....ha thien is looking at the grades she's acquired since the beginning of freshman year...and is disappointed with the Bs she's managed....
_____________________________

---I see the best minds of my generation deteriorating from fear,
fleeing from feelings that flood their soul,
awaiting the answer to life's simplest questions.
Have we come to the Point of No Return? Or...
Have we come to listen to the Music of the Night?
"No more talk of darkness" but will "daylight dry your tears"?

The cynic glaring at you, its query quite apparent
Like a darkness in the gaiety of day
A sudden impulse that grabs at the epicenter of your being
Boorish and unmindful of others, it drudges through a task called L-O-V-E
Unskilled, inept at anything remotely wonderful as optimism
It resorts to microscopic squiggles on a thin layer of compressed papyrus

Yet...even then...squiggles are identifiable when one stands
Precisely at the point of origin; what a deep penetration of the soul!
"Bah, humbug!" Christmas equates to a hallmark holiday
Similar to those emotional sensations
Resulting from chemical and electrical synapses--explicable through science
Inexplicable with words--delivering letters from the
Trusty encephalon of the homo sapiens sapiens

In layman's terms...said best on Kara's Flowers...
"Is that your ghost or are you really there?"---

As cryptic as possible, but can be summarized in one simple sentence. Good luck.
________________________________________________

"kara": you give me hope.
me: hehe
me: nono, my dear kara, I hope I give you reality
"kara": aww. you're like my fairy godmother!
me: hahahaha
me: you make me laugh....
me: I'm not wearing a dress <.<
"kara": so this is now. not two hundred years ago

*sigh*

ha thien had another bad dream...and so went to look for music...and stumbled onto "The Index of Sound" blog, right here on blogspot.

Enjoy. Do with it what you wish....I...don't particularly care. Download or simply preview, it's your choice.

Hmm...."albums galore, while awesome...is really slow...so go through the other ones and see what you like or don't like first. Umm....I found quite a few things and enjoyed it thoroughly. Be happy...and bask in the awesomeness of music :D

There's also Evanescence....that apparently he missed...since this is a much better site...I know it's random....GAhh....so sleepy...

I'm gonna go back to sleep now since the 30 mins or so of music-searching has made ha thien's eyes fuzzy again...and ha thien will soon lose the ability to see the keyboard clearly....

the day ha was born

So....exactly 17 years ago, a baby was born 3 days early at 8:15am (no...apparently it's not 8:30 like I thought) at a local hospital about 5 minutes away from her house. Well....17 years later and you're here reading my blog.

Anyway, today my mom came over, and she cooked "the usual" for me. I always ask her for the same things every year for my birthday so she came over while I was at work (gasp!!! while dad was here) and did my laundry as well :D (with fabric softener). The little wallaby is reeeeeaaaally happy.

Then my dad got pizzas...mushroom, olive and onion...and we ALL (yes all) went to charlotte to see my aunt. Well, then Ha's parents made her momentarily unhappy by managing to fight over pizza. Yeah....don't ask how that started, but whatever. Then on our way to charlotte, we saw a duck stranded in the middle of the road D: A man ran out into the road and shooed the thing back onto safe ground. It was a strange sight.

Then I got there, and started to eat pizza....slept a lot while the adults talked, and received my "gift", which is always just money. Frances called.

That made me exceptionally happy XD
_______________________________________

Tracy called earlier as well, and that made me exceptionally happy as well....hehehehehehe little wallaby is ecstatic.

Because...everyone else sent me emails/facebook messages/myspace messages/IMs...so calls are nice...

Sooo...much..food.....x_x :P

hmmm

Mood….contemplative
Listening to: Gifts and Curses by Yellowcard
Some lyrics? “And my worst pains are words I cannot say”
“And I have to fight this, a villain I can't knock down.”
“What if I fall, then where would I go, would she know?”

I'm convinced it was Frances that I was talking to. Why? I have my reasons. Hehehehehehe. Just 'cause. What I want to know is how she changed her tone like that.

and ha thien has been answering surveys with sketchy questions because she's bored...

book list

Ohhhh....amaaaaaaazing-nesssssss

So, here are the novels:
-Warrior of the Light: A Manual by Paulo Coelho
-The Five People You Meet In Heaven by Mitch Albom (Tuesdays With Morrie is good)
-Death In Venice by Thomas Mann
-Apathy and Other Small Victories by Paul Neilan
-The Secret History by Donna Tartt (read it, but I would like to do so again)
-Dr. Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
-The Warrior Heir by Cinda Williams Chima
-The Wizard Heir by same

The cookbooks:
-Hors d'Oeuvre at Home (CIA)
-Savoring Appetizers (Williams-Sonoma)
-Grilling (W-S)
-Breakfast (W-S)<--especially this one
-Slow Cooking (W-S)
-Amused-Bouche by Rick Tramanto
-Entertaining (W-S)
-Starting With Ingredients by Aliza Green (no good pictures, but is a trove of info)
-Bite-Size by Francois Payard
-Grilling & Roasting (W-S)
-Live, Love, Eat by Wolfgang Puck

I shall own those in one way or another in the future...I will...I will

dream tracker

So I had this dream that we were looking for this guy...who is apparently really famous or something, but he's died. Well...the thing is that We were being led by this guy....I have no idea who he was. The dream started out with me being dangerously close to a crocodile...and sharks...and water snakes. I have no idea why they were all there together, since they don't really live in the same area. the crocodile was slapping little insects out of the water with his tail...and I was afraid...really afraid...

Then he led us to this place...it looked like something from a KH game or something...It's like a cave, with the random vent on the side of the wall where the hot air blew out...wth...It was also lighted with candles.

So we came to the end of the cave, and there was this altar...I guess...with the candles and everything next to one of those hot vents. We had to climb into a narrow opening and the first person that went got burned from the vent. I went...and was really careful with it...and I got in...only I crawled into this glass trap...and it basically kept me lying on my stomach. The people that were already in there told me to stay still...and they gave me this liquid to drink. I did, and the invisible wall on top of me disappeared. Apparently the thing that I drank was the antidote to the poison that the guy drank to commit suicide. WTF? Then we went further to fin a staircase going up from the floor below us...it led to this really narrow opening on the ground...and everyone was hopping in there, so I did, too. It was some sort of slide tunnel thing...A voice suddenly spoke to us and said, "Let the water slide begin!" and there was water coming rapidly...and the thing turned into a water slide. It emptied out into a pool, where I held my breath and hoped that I wouldn't drown. My dreams just get weirder every day.

my, my...another one...

MOUTHOLOGY Q. What is your salad dressing of choice? A. I think it's French? Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant? A. Ahhh....Subway? Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? A. hmmm....I don't remember the name....tons of sushi...tons.... Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? A. umm...depends on the service... Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of? A. dude, sushi... Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice? A. mushrooms, vidalia onions, basil... Q. What do you like to put on your toast? A. garlic Q. What is your favorite type of gum? A. juicy fruit strawberry TECHNOLOGY Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone? A. I dunno.... Q. Number of contacts in your email address book? A. I dunno... Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer? A. umm, some scenery that Frances set... Q. How many televisions are in your house? A. 4 BIOLOGY Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed? A. right Q. What’s your best feature? A. uhhh....my teeth? 0_o? Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body? A. nah Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? A. my hearing Q. When was the last time you had a cavity? A. haha, a month ago? my first one, too... Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last? A. crates of reference books Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious? A. nah BULL[CRAP]OLOGY Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? A. no...even with death, surprises are more satisfying... Q. Is love for real? A. you tell me Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to? A. I wouldn't Q. What color do you think looks best on you? A. I dunno....maroon? green? I'm not good with this... Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? A. yeah Q. Have you ever saved someone’s life? A. no Q. Has someone ever saved yours? A. not yet DAREOLOGY Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? A. NO WAY Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? A. maybe, err....actually...depends on the person, too. Some people would just make me awkward. Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000 A. no....as a musician...all my fingers are important Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000? A. I guess....I have other ways to let out what I feel. Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? A. no way in hell. Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? A. nono, that wouldn't cover the medical expenses Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000? A. No. Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? A. hmm....I guess...put me in ncssm with a lot of hw DUMBOLOGY Q: What is in your left pocket? A: I don't have a left pocket right now Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? A: no Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house? A: carpet Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower? A: wth? stand, of course. That thing is too dirty to sit... Q: Could you live with roommates? A: depends on who. Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own? A: none Q: Where were you born? A. vietnam Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops? A: on top of the parking lot Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? A: pharmacist Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8 A: hmmm....yellowcard LASTOLOGY Q: Friend you talked to? A: tracy Q: Last person you called? A: frances Q: Person you hugged? A: errr...in person, jared. FAVORITOLOGY Q: Number? A: 14 Q: Color? A: blue Q: Season? A: autumn CURRENTOLOGY Q: Missing someone? A: yes Q: Mood? A: contemplative Q: Listening to? A: Summer Love by JT Q: Watching? A. nothing Q: Worrying about? A: myself RANDOMOLOGY Q: First place you went this morning? A: Habitat Q: What can you not wait to do? A: meet someone Q: What’s the last movie you saw? A: 300 Q: Do you smile often? A: I guess I do Q: Are you a friendly person? A: fairly friendly, I think.... Q: Now that the surveys done what are you going to do? A: do another one...

Just You 1. Whats your favourite sandwich filling? wow, depends: 1) Vietnamese: toasted french bread, vietnamese bologna and ham/salami, mayonnaise, this combination of pickled daikon and carrots...maybe with some pate...that's all, I think <--wow....strange sandwich. 2) American: roast beef, with munster (cheese varies) toasted in the oven until cheese melts, then with lettuce and hot sauce. 2. Do you have any style icons? no 3. Whats your skin colour? olive? nono, that's too dark...tan? 4. What colours do you like to wear? blue, green, black 5. What do you like most about yourself? personality 6. What colour eyeshadow do you wear? HAHAHA, that's a funny question. 7. What colour are your eyebrows? umm, same as my hair 8. Do you keep your armpit hair? WTF? <.< >.> <.< >.> I'd ask the same question back, but I don't want to know.... 9. If someone hot asked to see you naked for $200 dollars, would you show them your assets? AWERAGASDGF WTF? NO! I have morals. 10. Whats your cup size (If female)? you don't need to know that <.< 11. How long is your hair? halfway down my back now 12. Which family member do you look like most? my grandpa, I'm told. 13. How long do you spend in the bathroom? doing what? wait...nono...AWERAG that sounds weird...12 minutes for a shower. 14. Do you walk around your house naked? pfft...oh yeah....all the time. 15. Do you dance around your bedroom in your underwear? <.< 16. What part of guys do you like the least? hmm...their feet, I guess...I dunno... 17. What part of guys do you like the most? Hair. depends... 18. What annoys you about guys? I dunno....nothing, really. 20. Describe your figure: it contains my vital organs 21. Describe your ideal man: nice. 22. Do you like men with beards and goatees? nooooooooo....but it's not like I'll make them shave it off or something... 23. Do you like guys who are small in *that* department? *innocently* what department? I have no idea what you're talking about <.< >.> <.< 24. What would be one of the things important to you in a relationship? my final criterion 25. How do you rate virginity? What do you mean? It's a good thing. 26. Are looks important? not really....but I have to admit, I can get pretty shallow at times. 27. Would you do topless modelling? NO! WTF? 28. Would you get your nipples pierced? WTF? I do believe that's a really personal question. 29. Whats the best word to use: sleep with, shag, fuck, sex, make love: ummm...I'd say "sleep with" but then again, that makes innocent things sketchy... 30. What is your most sexiest feature: I dunno, that's not for me to judge, really... 31. What is your least sexiest feature: I dunno... The Stupid Ones 32. Are you looking for a partner right now? no 33. So you dont have a crush on anybody? I didn't say that. However, I didn't say I did, so don't get ideas. 34. What celebrities do you think are hot? hahahaha......starts with an R. <.< 35. If you could look like any celebrity, whom would you look like? no one 36. Green apples or red apples? red 37. Lights on or off? ummm....sketchy much? 38. What time do you go to sleep? any time I see fit 39. What TV do you watch on Fridays? TV I like 40. Are you still friends with everyone at school if you have left? not everyone, but the same people, yeah... 41. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? dad, I think 42. What annoys your friends about you? I don't know, what does annoy them about me? 43. How high do you play your stereo? pretty high if it's the right mood and song 44. What colour are your curtains? blue and white, the blue has gold trimmings 45. What make mascara do you use? HAHAHAHA, yet another funny question 46. Where do you buy your clothes? wherever 47. What are you thinking right now? that this is rather long 48. Are you on speaking terms with your parents? yeah... 49. Do you like children? I guess I do...if they're nice and quiet and adorable 50. Has your love life been good or bad? I guess good from my point of view...bad from the other person's 51 What was the last alcohol you drank? cabernet sauvignon 52. Are you scared of commitment? to death 53. Do you want a serious relationship? I guess...but I don't really have those. 54. Are your parents religious? not really In the Movies 55. If you could remake/write/direct ANY movie AND star in it, what would it be? a romantic comedy, I think...YES, I did say romantic comedy... 56. Direct or produce? I guess direct 57. Have you ever thought about working in the movie business? not really 58. What are, your favourite: Horror films: I have none Supernatural thrillers: none Action films: Casino Royale? Comedies: haha, I guess Euro Trip (despite the trauma) Historical dramas: nothing, really...actually, some of the asian ones, if you know that I'm talking about General drama: don't really have one Tragedies: HMMM....none Romantic: Love, Actually Disney: Meet the Robinsons 59. What movie role can you imagine yourself playing? random Quidditch seeker in a Harry Potter film 60. What is the most non-scary horror film ever? I dunno...I guess out of what I watched, Stay Alive 61. Who would be your love interest/lover in your movie? Someone fun and easy to talk to...someone who's been a good friend of mine...not some random stranger. 62. What would your movie be about? Food? 63. Where would it be set? Nice 64. What era? now 65. Who would be your co-stars? people I'm comfortable with... 66. What would be the genre? a romantic comedy? 67. What movies are great to watch if you want to drool over the people in it? umm....depends on your personality...but...I guess most people would say 300 or Troy Music 68. Name all your favourite songs from 2 of your favourite bands: Oh my...that's a rather long list...Yellowcard: Only One, Rough Draft/OneRepublic: All We Are, Apologize 69. What band could you NEVER stop listening to?: Maroon 5, actually 70. What band/singer have you been listening to for years? Yellowcard, BSB... 71. What CDs are you going to get next? Paper Walls 72. Describe your music taste? kinda eclectic...and mostly with nice instrumentals 73. What was your music taste like four or five years ago? ohhh...not as good as it is now...I'm happier now... 74. What singer would you most love to look like, or sound like? I dunno... 75. If you were in a band, what position would you take on (lets just say you CAN play some instruments if you cant)? if I can, drummer 76. What kind of music would you play? rock, of course, something with amazing drums 77. What bands would be your inspirations? drummer from yellowcard, bassist I guess from Muse, and vocals from OneRepublic, musical tone from Maroon 5 78. You can take 6 musicians for your band who would you pick? ^ those, exactly, except I'd steal LP's drumming skills and take the guitarist from Maroon 5 79. What band that you listen to now, can you see yourself getting sick of soon? Dashboard Confessional 80. What would your music videos be like? kinda artsy...weird...:P 81. What movie has the best soundtrack? the Illusionist 82. Besides CDs, do you still keep tapes (and what ones)? nope 83. Do you have any mixed albums? yeah... 84. Do you listen to 80s music (if so, what bands/singers)? hmmm, I don't know what decade they're from...so idk More Random Questions 85. List the stuff you hate, it can be anything: really oily lotion 86. List the stuff you love, it can be anything: friends 87. Has your family ever walked in on you while you were naked/in your underwear? umm, no...I'm very careful about that 88. Have you ever been sprayed with sewage? NO 89. What body sprays do you wear? I guess when I do, it's Obsession Night 90. Whats your BEST facial feature? I dunno...teeth? 91. Whats your WORST facial feature? I dunno...hair? 92. Whats your favourite desert? flan? or my b-day cake 93. What was your last most hilarious thought? I'm an awesome little wallaby 94. Whats your favourite word? peloponnesian Dreams & Nightmares 95. Have you ever dreamt of sex with someone you know? ummm...errrr....whaaaa 96. Do you have a lot of nightmares? yeah... 97. What do you dream about in general? being chased/stabbed/chased and stabbed/in a dark parking lot 98. When you dream about friends what are you doing? being saved/having fun 99. What did you last dream about? I don't remember 100. What was your last nightmare? being stabbed from behind 101. What has been your most interesting dream? being at Frances' house 102. Have any of your dreams ever come true? I dunno...I get deja vu feelings, I guess...but I don't think so.

I was thinking

Listening to Phantom Of The Opera Soundtrack, I thought about a few things.

Almost every girl in class said they would choose the Phantom over Raoul. Well...she said that she would have chosen the Phantom also...and concluded that this is because 1) The Phantom is more...err....sensual...with his expressions of love and we're all really dirty-minded creatures
2) Women like projects. They like the idea of being with someone who constantly needs work because otherwise, they'd get bored.

Women love broken things...heh...

(Sadly singing)
Masquerade
Paper faces on parade . . .
Masquerade
Hide your face so the world will never find you . . .
(He turns and sees Christine standing at the bedroom door. His look is of immense longing and helplessness) Christine, I love you....

Phantom:
(Looking after her, sadly)
You alone, can make my song take flight
It's over now, the music of the night!

Hmm...yeah...
_______________________________

Mrs. Mach (aka the Machinator) was my amazing English teacher

"Life sucks and then you die. Welcome to Honors English II." *slams door*

work

ohhh....Ha Thien is sooooo tired. I have no idea why I'm referring to myself in 3rd person. Anyway....I am dead tired. The whole time, I organized dishes and cups....and even though it's clean, I sort of feel bad since there are two empty shelves now...For a store, that kind of looks really bad. Oh well....I really like the way it looks...hehehehe, being my OCD self, I've even set it perfectly straight, arrange it so that it looks less of a mess. I really like it. Hmmm...I think that I might organize the furniture soon. The boss, known as "Tom", liked the way the lighting fixtures section looks. I'm ecstatic...a compliment for my OCD :DDD

So...then I started looking for Frances' books >.< well...they thought that I was buying those books for myself. Thanks Frances...Now I'm established as the OCD anti-social Asian who reads lots of romance novels. <.< That is just plain weird...

aggravating

My mom and I just fought three separate times within an hour. It was really aggravating, and my throat is just dying...I need some interesting surveys to put me in a happier mood. GRR...I really didn't have the energy to fight. I've been kind of tired these past few days...*sigh* w/e...onto happier things, eh? :D

A • Are you available?: Not at the moment, no. • What is your age?: 16 for right now • What annoys you?: Right now...my family B • Do you know anyone named Billy? Yes. • When is your birthday?: This Saturday C • Current mood: Haha, happier. • What’s your favorite candy? Hmm, for right now, I think it's chocolate-covered Macadamia nuts...Is that really a candy? • Your current Crush? Ummm....<.< >.> <.< >.> • When was the last time you cried? I don't remember D • Do you daydream?: I don't think I've ever daydreamed...What's a daydream? • What’s your favorite kind of dog?: Scottish Terrier... • What day of the week is it?: A Wednesday E • How do you like your eggs?: I like it best sunny-side up, with a few sprinkles of soy sauce to season. When it's sunny-side up, I don't like to season with salt. Actually...if the yolk was a little runny, and you kind of break it, sprinkle a bit of soy sauce in there and eat with nice, crunchy toast. Mmmm....<.< that was too long to describe eggs. • Have you ever been in the emergency room? Yes...for some weird stomach virus, nothing too big. • Ever met an elephant? Not personally, no... F • Do you use fly swatters?: Nah...It's much more fun to get a wet hand towel and swat it around... • Have you ever used a foghorn?: Not at all • Is there a fan in your room?: There used to be, before it broke. G • Do you chew gum?: Not really, no. • Do you like gory movies?: I'm not a big fan of gory movies. • Who’s gay? Ryan Craver... H • How are you doing? I am doing just fine :) • What’s your height?: I am 5'4" • What color is your hair? dark brown I • What’s your favorite ice cream?: Cherry vanilla, the last time I checked • Have you ever ice skated?: Nope • Ever been in an igloo?: Not at all J • What’s your favorite Jelly Bean?: I don't like Jelly Beans • Do you wear jewelry? A necklace and the almost-everyday watch • Are you jealous?: Of whom? K • Who do you want to kill?: Nobody • Have you ever flown a kite?: Yes...I have a giant kite, in fact • Do you think kangaroos are cute?: Wallabies are much better L • Are you laid back? I think I am, for the most part • Lions or tigers?: Tigers, hands-down • Do you like black licorice?: I don't like licorice... M • Ever shopped at Moosejaw?: Nope • Favorite store at the mall? Tommy Hilfigher, definitely. • Do you have a nickname? Several • Do you prefer night or day?: Night--it's much more intriguing...and night always manage to induce a O • What’s your one wish?: To be happy • Are you an only child? Nope • Do you like the color orange?: Not particularly P • What are you most paranoid about?: Making people unhappy • Piercings?: Two • Do you know anyone named Penelope?: No...but that just reminded me of "The Odyssey" Q • Are you quick to judge people?: I guess...sometimes. • Do you like Quaker Oats?: No...not at all. Never. • Know anyone that makes quilts?: I do, actually. R • Do you think you’re always right?: Not at all • Do you watch reality TV?: I guess...I watch things like Top Chef, which is kind of Reality TV • Reason to cry?: A great loss...or something absolutely beautiful S • Do you prefer sun or rain?: Rain, always. • Do you like snow? Yep • Whats your favorite season?: Autumn T • What time is it?: night time • What time did you wake up?: morning time U • Can you ride a unicycle?: Not to save my life • Do you know anyone with a unibrow?: Yes • How many uncles do you have?: A little too many V • What’s the worst vegetable?: ohh....that's a bit hard for me, I like vegetables...most of them. I don't know...oh yeah...I think leeks count...I don't like leeks that much W • What’s your worst habit?: I guess biting my lip • Do you like water rides?: Yes, nothing that ends in a pool, though...because I can't swim. • Ever been inside a windmill?: Hmm...no...that would be nice... X • Have you ever had an x-ray?: A lot • Ever used a Xerox machine?: Yes Y • Do you like the color yellow?: Not really • What year were you born in?: 1990 • Do you yell when you’re angry?: Yes...unfortunately Z • Do you believe in the zodiac?: Not really • What’s your zodiac sign?: Cancer

ha thien is bored

so let's amuse ourselves with some blogthings...

The Part of You That No One Sees

You are balanced, peaceful, and sincere. You're the type of person who goes along to get along. And you're definitely afraid of rocking the boat. Underneath it all, you fear your world falling apart. You'll put up with a situation that you don't like in fear of changing it. Disruptive and forceful people intimidate you - and sometimes exploit you.

What's the Part of You That No One Sees?

_____________________________________________

Your Seduction Style: The Dandy

You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations. Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories. It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you. You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

umm...is this a good or bad thing?
___________________________________

Your Brain is Blue

Of all the brain types, yours is the most mellow. You tend to be in a meditative state most of the time. You don't try to think away your troubles. Your thoughts are realistic, fresh, and honest. You truly see things as how they are. You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about your friends, your surroundings, and your life.

What Color Is Your Brain?

blue!!!!
______________________________________________

You Are a White Rose

You represent youthfulness and purity. Your vibe: Sweet and heavenly Falling in love with you: is like falling in love for the first time

What Color Rose Are You?

say whaaaa? <.< I like white roses :D
__________________________________

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Oh nostalgia, you got me again

that and because I am reminded of a great movie. It's "Love Actually". Nono...if you think it's some mushy movie....you are wrong. I mean...it is, but it's so much more than that. Heh...it handles all kinds of love...it takes us through each type...each scenario...and haha...my small words can never measure up to the movie itself. So watch these, I guess...

One:
the prelude, I guess....
to begin...
and end...

Two:
and yet another

three:
smile :D

In The Dark--Tiesto/Christian Burns

When it seems
Like the world around you is breaking
And it feels
Like there's no one else around you
And it's quiet
There's a silence in the darkness
And it sounds
Like the carnival is over

As you walk
In the crowded empty spaces
And you stare
At the emptiness around you
You wanna go
To the city and the bright lights
Get away
From the sinners that surround you

Cause I will be there
And you will be there
We'll find each other in the dark
And you will see
And I'll see you too
Cause we'll be together in the dark

Cause if it's coming for you
Then it's coming for me
Cause I will be there
Cause we need each other in the dark
And if it terrifies you
Then it terrifies me
Cause I will be there
So we've got each other in the dark

As I look into the sky
There's sparks bright as ice
You want me to take you over there
I want you to stay with me
Cuz you're not the only one
The only one

No, no
Don't worry
You're not the only one

Cause if it's coming for you
Then it's coming for me
But I will be there
Cuz we need each other in the dark
And if it's panicking you
Then it's panicking me
But I will be there
So we've got each other in the dark

wandering thoughts

"Wrapped in oblivion and unaware of my feelings...if you were any other way, I wouldn't be as intrigued or determined."

"Similar to spring, you possess a temperament as ephemeral and fickle as the weather, mind determinedly colder yet softer than the rain, an anger that surpasses the noonday sun...but like a cherry blossom, you're a rarity that I'll miss if I simply pass you by."

"Someday soon, my sincerity will reach you and you'll see how much you mean to me. Honestly."

"The way my day lights up...one would think I'm stuck in eternal darkness without you."

"One must be discreet with all things done and soft-spoken with all things spoken, must be careful with one's choice of words, and cautious in dealing with one's emotions; that is the way to avoid risks, and also a way to welcome stress."

"If I just simply told you everything...you'd think I was insane. In actuality, I couldn't be more insane, but the reason for my insanity is a worthy one."

Some from my mind, some from others'...as for determining which is which...that's a matter we shall not touch.

Thanks to Frances

:o

Jono
__________________________________

I also just slept like crazy. Wow...lack of sleep catching up to me. However, I must be cautious since the more naps I take, the less I'll be inclined to sleep later on. Tracy will tell me to go to sleep...*sigh* there has to be magical powers somewhere <.<

Must keep awake....although I've yet to eat anything in addition to my ramen...because I still have a giant headache from the major lack of sleep. I want pizza, though...I don't know what's calling for this craving of mine.
__________________________________







I know, I know....well, I was bored...that and I have to admit I was a little intrigued...

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.

hehehe

"No. You know why? 'Cause I'm young and restless, and I only got one life to live so I gotta follow my guiding light and search for tomorrow." hehehehehe...so funny XDDD

"It's Christmas! Think of the baby Jesus up in that tower....letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel to see if there's 6 more weeks of winter." Will & Grace!! You should start watching if you haven't yet.

meh...nostalgia

So on the way back home, I was horribly traumatized. I heard a series of bad songs: Lip Gloss, Girlfriend, Don’t Cha, and (thanks to Tracy) London Bridge. However, worse than that is that my mom was trying, yes I said trying, to sing along to Lip Gloss. *cough* yeah….I also saw other things, like a “SHELL” sign, sans-S….hehehehe

Well, besides that, I also saw, for a brief moment, beautiful scenery. My chair was leaned back to achieve a more comfortable sleeping position, and so when I woke up and opened my eyes I saw two rows of tall, green trees backed by a pink-blue sky. The hued clouds layered the light blue sky underneath and it was only enhanced in beauty by the contrasting bolder green of the two rows of trees. I was taken aback...and I smiled. Well, I then sat up, and saw that the two rows of trees extended into the distance, shading an empty road on the countryside. The road wasn't brand-new, it was light gray due to the wear from the cars that pass, but it rose and fell with the hills that formed the median, unlike the straight, boring roads in the city. *sigh*

Then when I passed my Northgate Mall, I remembered the numerous times my parents drove past it on our trips back from Virginia, and they'd always say, "Hey, why don't we go there one time? we could check out what it's like." I'd always tell them that it was silly to go to a mall randomly, in a place I didn't know about. They'd ask me what the NC School of Science and Math was when they saw the green highway sign, and I'd reply with an absent-minded "I don't know" because I really didn't know...and I really didn't care. Silly parents...they always thought it was some sort of private college, and they asked if I would ever go there. Without looking up, I'd tell them that it was pointless since I wanted to major in architecture. pssh....it made me laugh....out loud. My mom asked me if I was going crazy. *cough* Now I look at the sign every time I come back from Virginia...I'm the silly one now, eh? Anyway...I really miss it. The bed that I'm afraid will collapse on me, the chair that's missing a screw (which actually belonged to Frances, but she asked me if we could switch), the too-loud vent, and the window missing a screen....all parts of my pepto-pink room. I'll be back there soon, I hope. Nostalgia kills me.

nervous breathing

I just woke up from a nightmare...pssh, didn't even get to sleep for a full hour. Anyway, woke up and thought that I saw someone standing there...that was worse. I was about to take my laptop and throw it. Glad I didn't. My breathing is now quick...and I have to calm down. I dislike nightmares.

a quote

“A clever person is one who knows how to lie to himself. He could convince himself so much that he couldn’t tell the truth.”
“Isn’t that tragic?”
“Not at all, the better you are prepared for the worst, the more surprises you’ll find in life. Don’t think too much.”

whoa

So I went upstairs to brush my teeth about 45 min ago...and was interrupted by my sister, getting up. She opened the door, and looked at me. I asked her what she wanted, and she said "nothing." I ignored it until I went past the room she was in and heard her crying. Well...she got scared from being in there by herself, and for some reason she didn't go get my mom. I guess she was looking for my mom, but my mom was working. Geez...nice way to spend your vacation, eh?

So I went inside and gave her a hug. That killed me, because I haven't done that in a long time. I told her to go to sleep and tucked her in. Then she asked if I would stay for a while. She eventually stopped crying, but she was still sniffling...for a moment there, it was kind of adorable. Even after she fell asleep, she would not let me go. So we have this thing where I put my arm out and she'd put her head on my arm...well....that always calms her down, but that's because she always curls up next to me. My arm was stuck, she had her arm around me, so I was stuck in general. Every time I pulled away, she'd latch onto me....so this continued for a while, until I finally escaped. Hmm...that rare display of affection surprised me...I used to sing when I put her to sleep (when she was little) and even that was a rare occasion. eh...I dunno...she could have stopped working for at least 45 minutes, you know...Heh...silly Jenny. She didn't ask mom because she saw that mom was working. That makes me a little angry at my parents. I wonder how often this happens...

ah

hmmm

so how do you stop a rock from sinking?

yes. work with that. I don't feel like talking, just want to say "blah."

Not Falling Apart by Maroon 5

Danced all night, slept all day
Careless with my heart again
Fearless when it comes to playing games
You don’t cry, you don’t care
Afraid to have a love affair
Is that your ghost or are you really there?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

Weather on a sunny day
Time slows down; I wish you’d stay
Pass me by in crowded, dark hallways
Try my hardest not to scream
I find my heart is growing weak
So leave your reasons on the bathroom sink

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

Take what you want
I will be just fine
You will be better off alone at night
Waiting and falling
Constantly calling out your name
Will it ever change?

Now I can’t walk, I can’t talk anymore
Since you walked out the door
And now I’m stuck living out that night again
I’m not falling apart

I heard you say you needed me now
What’s the problem I can’t see
You destroyed me, I won’t fall apart again
I’m not falling apart

venting

blah. hmm....one vents when one is hurt, no?

I shall vent then.

awlkjeflksdhgklJWEBVLAKSJDklsdhvgslkdfjghalskjdfLWKEJ QREWERTAQEWRQERGA
Q$%@^&$ $%$%^@$%^@$%

whatever.

Prodigal by OneRepublic

We say goodbye, I turn my back
Run away, run away so predictable
Not far from here, you see me cry
Like a bone, like a bone I’m so breakable
I’ll take everything from you
But you won’t take anything won’t you.

Run away, run away like a prodigal
Don’t you wait for me, don’t you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed but I need you so
And you’ll wait for me, and you’ll wait for me

I’m on the road to who know where
Look ahead, not behind, I keep saying
There’s no place to go where you’re not there
On your own the whole time, but it’s freeing
I’ll take everything from you
You won’t take anything, won’t you?

Run away, run away like a prodigal
Don’t you wait for me, don’t you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed but I need you so
And you’ll wait, and you’ll wait for me

Everybody wants to be your eye
But only if it’s not a day of light
I keep trying to find my way back, my way back

Run away, run away like a prodigal
Don’t you wait for me, don’t you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed but I need you so
And you’ll wait, and you’ll wait for me

VA, an "inside of my eyelids" adventure

I slept like I was dead. Heh....so from 8-1 or so, I slept in the car, even through getting breakfast, and stopping at the VA-NC border. Then when I arrived at Jim's house...I found the closest bedroom and crashed there until it was time to leave. He might've possibly poked at me to see if I was dead. Then it was time for our final destination...where I ate dinner and log onto AIM for the first time in a week. *sigh* it's good to be back.

and Kara amuses me so XDD

"I must admit, I have a great fondness for you. In fact, I would even go so far as to say that I love you. A lot."--silly Kara. Did you know Maroon5 used to be called Kara's Flowers?

ARGGGGHHHH

I don't understand. I'm watching a movie. Your clothes will be done later! MY GOD!

AND THAT WOMAN!!! MY GOD, if I have to make "small talk" with her one more time, I'll kill myself.

watching

so....I'm an "asexual, submissive, rice-eating, violin-playing math wiz"

video
___________________________________________________

this is what I'll think of when I say good morning from now on. okay...that might not make sense to you, but it made sense to me. *ahem* it's starting to make less sense to me, but well....as long as I know what I'm talking about. Okay...well...enjoy anyway.

hi...
___________________________________________________

Men In White Trailer

All We Are by OneRepublic

I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you, and all along
You were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything
That I need just to make it, and I believe that...
Time can tear you apart, but it won’t break
Anything that you are, you are…

We won't say our goodbyes, you know it's better that way,
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

I walked a minute in your shoes, they never would have fit
I figured there's nothing to lose, I need to get
Some perspective on these words, before I hunt them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground
Time can tear you apart, but it won’t break
Anything that we are, we are…

We won't say our goodbyes, you know it's better that way,
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

And every single day that I can breathe,
You change my philosophy,
I'm never gonna let you pass me by

So don't say your goodbyes, you know it's better that way,
We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi

phone etiquette

I am sleeping! or trying to....and he is on the phone with my aunt, speakerphone! is that necessary? Is it!? My god, even in Cantonese he thinks he's better than everyone else. "No, plane tickets don't work like that!" If you didn't think her opinion was worth getting, then why are you sitting there debating it loudly over speakerphone!!?

I wish he'd just book the tickets already and stop using my desktop to check prices every night....while I'm asleep, with the phone on! He has his own computer..oh yeah, wouldn't want to wake Jenny up....*angry*

whatever...I'm annoyed now, he better be out of my room soon.

bizarre on the edge of the macabre

So I had this dream where Frances’ dad was one of my mom’s clients. WTF? They’re like two hours away. Anyway, we went to her house so that my mom can discuss something. So I went up the stairs to her room and tripped as soon as I got to the top. Her and her sister came out and looked at me like I was weird. Anyway, I proceeded to Frances’ room and for some reason her and someone else were recording music. Frances was playing the flute, and the other person was playing piano. Tracy and her cousin were there….even though I’ve never seen her cousin before, just that tiny little picture for her facebook, which I’m not even sure is her. Anyway, Tracy was taking some sort of test and her cousin was administering it. There were these signs above each area, and they were saying “in session”. WTF?

So after they were all done, Frances came over and we were hanging out until Tracy got done with her test and came over with her cousin. She didn’t talk much and I was about to ask why when Frances’ sister came in and started to talk to me…odd, since we’ve never actually talked before. Tracy…did not look like what I’ve seen…I have no idea where my mind got that totally fabricated image of her but, since it told me that was Tracy, I went along with it. Well…Frances’ dad then proposed that we play a game outside. Okay…when we got outside some guy was there and he said that we’re going to hide these—I have no idea what they, actually—national geographic poster things…but the macabre part of it all was that we were going to dig around the lawn until we found the bodies buried there. O_O …..Once we found the bodies, we would put the poster underneath. As usual, I stopped listening after that, since I wasn’t interested, and I just started folding the posters. The point is that they cannot be ripped when we dig them up later. W. T. F

Anyway…that was the working of my subconscious apparently…it’s telling me there are dead bodies hidden underneath Frances’ front lawn <.<

I find that believable, actually XD

dentist

I think I've just decided that I absolutely abhor the dentist. I had my first cavity, and they had to give me a filling today. The numbness, the drilling--or whatever that was--and horrid numbing medicine. Then when I was done, I found out my dad left, so I had to call him to come back so that he can pay for the visit. Who leaves like that?!? I've also decided that my family is absurdly insane.

people are in my room.

AGAIN. Does. my. family. not. get. that. I. like. to. be. alone?

Stop and Stare by OneRepublic

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us
It's time to make our move, I'm shaking off the rust
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years
Steady hands, just take the wheel...
And every glance is killing me
Time to make one last appeal... for the life I lead

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're 'here' not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, can u see what I see

They're trying to come back, all my senses push
Un-tie the weight bags, I never thought I could...
Steady feet, don't fail me now
Gonna run till you can't walk
But something pulls my focus out
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be, oh
Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you're here not there
And you'd give anything to get what's fair
But fair ain't what you really need
Oh, you don't need

What u need, what u need...

Stop and stare
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared
But I've become what I can't be
Oh, do u see what I see...