new thought of the moment

If you be my star
I'll be your sky
you can hide underneath me and come out at night
when I turn jet black and you show off your light
I live to let you shine

but you can skyrocket away from me
and never come back if you find another galaxy
far from here with more room to fly
just leave me your stardust to remember you by

if you be my boat
I'll be your sea
a depth of pure blue just to probe curiosity
ebbing and flowing and pushed by a breeze
I live to make you free

but you can set sail to the west if you want to
and past the horizon till I can't even see you
far from here where the beaches are wide
just leave me your wake to remember you by
_______________________________________

That if you're by my side
When everyday begins
I'll fall for you again

hmmm

I think the world inconveniences me....I think so....

So I'm watching TV on the couch, listening to music trying to fall asleep...and my mood is equal to that of Dashboard's The Secret's In The Telling mixed with some White Flag and I'm Not Falling Apart.

"stacy" (8:08:28 PM): so. i'm looking up maroon 5 lyrics
"stacy" (8:08:34 PM): and this made me think of you
"stacy" (8:08:36 PM): Helplessly melting as I stand next to the sun.
As she burns me, I am screaming out for more
Drink every drop of liquid heat that I've become.
Pop me open, spill me out on to the floor.
"stacy" (8:08:48 PM): dont ask why
"stacy" (8:08:53 PM): i'm not quite sure

haha

so Jason's getting sleepy, and while he's drinking his nightly cup of warm milk, his parents are reading out loud an article in Vietnamese on proper nutrition....I don't know if he's listening to it, but his dad was reading it to him, then his mom came in...and is reading...I think it's pretty awesome that they speak Cantonese to him in conversation, and then read him things in Vietnamese...Well...for right now, they're talking about the health benefits of Green Tea...and how should drink about 4 cups of Green Tea every day....goodness...

I think this kid will be pretty cool

ahhhh

so my uncle is watching this design show (Divine Design) and there's this couple that has this home that was once an icehouse and then a sign factory before it was turned into a single family home. They have a common passion, photography....and the designer is incorporating their photographs into the wall deco. It's great :) They're also doing a modern style with a rustic warehouse look on the outside....it's so weird that it's awesome. I am a great supporter of modern style designing. AHHHH, I think my uncle and I are so similar that it's scary sometimes; we just marveled at a two-headed stainless steel ceiling fan.....it looked horrendously dangerous, but it was also very cool, and something that I'd put in my house later...

The reason I'm posting is that this couple totally plans everything they do around what they want to photograph next, and it's greatness...ahhhh, when I grow up and I can afford to leave my family without them stalking me....I'll definitely travel everywhere to take pictures....hmm, I thin I feel compelled to take pictures of my mom cooking right now. I'm asking her to perfect her green slug in coconut milk dessert thing...and instead of making the dough, which takes a long time, she's gonna use store-bought "slugs" and then cook it in pandanus leaves....so that it still has that nice grassy aroma. I want to be able to learn it from her by the time i come back for march, because then I can give Frances that as part of her B-day present....and I might even have enough time after school and even devote one full reclusive weekend to put together and glue the nice MC Escher painting puzzle that I'm gonna put together and frame for her. decorative and time-consuming presents are what I'm going for...I'm also going for food. I'll probably also bring back produce and food to cook something for her....assuming I perfect it before I do that. idk...

confusion

Listening to Maroon 5 again....and they're playing their own acoustic version of The Beatles' "If I Fell"

My uncle is planting himself in the kitchen to talk to my mother....goodness.....my dad's currently at home for some reason....

I'm having to watch SpongeBob, and it's disturbing me.....a lot....a lot....

Another declaration

I declare that as of about 5 minutes ago, I became very annoyed.....annoyed by the fact that my uncle, who is absolutely ingratiating with his "respect me" demands, can't even seem to get the principle that he was too inconsiderate to offer up his room, Jason's parents are sleeping in the bed in Jason's room, and my mom and my sister are sleeping in the master bedroom for this week while he is sleeping singly in the room that was given to him when he asked to stay for TWO WEEKS about TWO MONTHS ago. Then, he has the audacity to further encroach upon my every last nerce by sitting there and watching tv in the den even though he knows that I sleep there, since I can't stand to sleep on the ground because of my neck and back. Nono....of course not...if I learn well from his example, when I grow up, I'll just stay in someone else's house, make their guests have to invade my host's privacy and then just sit there and eat up people's sleeping time.

I was then further annoyed by the fact that I can't even sit in the room and talk on the phone because I hate even the thought of being in the same room as him.

RANT

I declare

as of this moment....I am horrible at getting gifts

Hor-ri-ble.....yes. *cries*

new song stuck in my head....

It's Ayo Technology by 50 Cent.....I'm not sure why....but I think it has something to do with the background music and the chorus sounding nice :)

As for the rap....yeah...no....

conversation with roommie

blackfalcon1477: I colored my physics blocks black
blackfalcon1477: after the fact that it sucks out my soul
stacy: haha
stacy: its a black hole
blackfalcon1477: yep
stacy: like your soul
blackfalcon1477: and love
stacy: haha
stacy: so, does that mean that love is a black hole and it's sucked into your black hole of a self which is sucked into the physics black hole?
blackfalcon1477: exactly
blackfalcon1477: love is lost when it comes to me, and I am lost when it comes to kolena
blackfalcon1477: yep....that's how the world works
stacy: awww. roomie
blackfalcon1477: but if....by some chance, I love someone, I think they'll be awesome...
blackfalcon1477: hopefully
stacy: they'll have to be
stacy: with all your inhibitions and confusions about love, if someone is actually able to make you fall in love, they'd have to be pretty awesome

thoughts at 6:00 am

I am so very happy.....even though my laptop is hanging on by a thread.

So very happy....I don't think the world can be as happy as I was at 5:59 am...on December 20th, 2007. i read an article in national geographic on memory and there was this woman that would remember everything in dates....events in her life, basically. A psychologist--I forgot his name--hypothesized that anyone can do the same thing...they just have to want to. The woman disputes that, saying that they're good and bad things that she naturally remembers. That's not the point, I want to try anyway.

The article also said something about how we use technology too much and hence as a generation we can now remember very little of everyday life. I wonder if that has any effect on learning...I'm sure it does. Anyway....these things are things I refuse to write down...I'll remember the date, the time, what it was, and I will remember simply because I want to, and because it's important to me. Yes....you wouldn't believe how important this is to me.

Anyhow....I only wanted to share this, to quote jialiya, with the world.

quotes

"-----" (6:51:39 PM): your camera + your hall = jialiya's $$$

blackfalcon1477: my bans are totally shorter
blackfalcon1477: *bangs
"----": at least i got a new haircut
"----": ...
"----": did you just "BANG" me?

"-------" (4:45:42 PM): dude, i bought a glowing one
"-------" (4:45:44 PM): its so awesome
"-------" (4:45:45 PM): it glows
--2 hours later--
"-------" (6:57:34 PM): fuck this after glow
"-------" (6:57:41 PM): *i'm duct-taping this bitch

"-------" (8:24:06 PM): it was an ADVENTURE


"-------" (7:36:07 PM): haha
"-------" (7:36:17 PM): ok... let me translate it for you
"-------" (7:37:34 PM): "Oh no! These tasteless white people stole my mother's credit card and spent our hard-earned money at wal-mart! I must go to the police to correct this injustice!"

heh.....

Wouldn't it be nice if I could tape all the rare moments? Those people that I can't always spend time with....I think it would be nice if I have documentation of our time together. Memories are nice...it documents all the times that I want to remember. Same with pictures...they don't have to be artistic...or have crazy perspectives....you just have to have a good time. I have no idea what this is...but I want to take as many pictures of the best moments as possible.

I've found someone else I like

Paul Cardall is an amazing pianist/composer... so go listen to him now

I found him while listen to my Apocalytica Radio Station on Pandora

also listen to Michael Dulin

ahhh....friends

so I was asking tracy something the other day about a scenario involving 3 people. If two people liked one person, and that one person liked both of them back, then what shall happen? We established that:

1) They cannot be equal, and both people should know their standing
2) I think also that if they're both trying and they're not in agreement, then one should be terminated? I can't remember that well....

w/e....one of my friends said something, without knowing the situation: "Does it matter? One shouldn't be worried about trivial things like competition. If anything, one should be even more motivated to spend more time with that person."

I'm thinking that it's assuming you are able to spend more time with that person...also assuming that they would want to spend that much time with you. Sometimes, I don't think there are straightforward answers to these question.

oh....apparently, stacy has a blogspot account, too....so I have to work on finding that hehehe :P she can't find mine, though....or I wouldn't like her to.....I wouldn't like anyone to, actually.

heh

so I haven't posted anything recently....but I think I will since I have a little time before physics.

Saturday....semi-formal...I was happy. No, not for the reasons that Frances would think, or anything else would think. It's not because I went with a date; it's not that my date was superb, nor was it because I "got to see Qin". It's not the fact that I attempted to dance all sorts of different ways and had fun looking like an idiot. It's not the fact that I had a mushroom pizza....although that might've contributed to it. The reason, I shall not divulge. If you know me well enough, you should know what it is. ahhh...unbearable...but I'm getting over the fact that I'll be a while before I'm that happy again. heh...I'll wait. Part of life is waiting, I guess....so I will oblige to life's whims. It's worth it, no? If you are unwilling to wait for something, then it's not worth it....and perhaps you should stop thinking about it. If it's worth it....then be ready to always wait for it...or them. :) I think this goes against all my reasoning....but it doesn't matter...

thought of the moment: Story by Maroon 5

You, Me, and One Spotlight

It won't be long now
The music's on loud
We'll sing this song out
And then we'll lie down
I'll hold you close then
I'll let you know when
The space and time bend
And then we'll fall in

Go put on your best tonight
It's you and me and one spotlight
One more show one last time
We are ready

Say you will be all around me
When your body sets your heart free
Say you will be all around me

I'll look for your eyes
To keep me inside
When everything dies
But one last sunrise
And when we stand there together not scared
I'll dry your last tear
And then we're just air

Go put on your best tonight
It's you and me and not much time
To watch the world burning bright
*We are ready*
Say you'll get me through the ending
Take my body set my heart free
Say you'll get me through the ending

Only One by Yellowcard

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one who gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

Here I go so dishonestly
Leave a note for you my only one
And I know you can see right through me
So let me go and you will find someone
________________________________________________

It's sad when you know you're able to let go. You know, I never understood the idea of holding out on your own happiness for someone else. I'm not that selfless. I laughed when my mom told me I will be willing to do that someday. I hate it when she's right. I'm still not selfless because I still want to hold on. I'm not any more open-minded, because I still can't understand why someone would choose to leave. I'm no less egotistical because I see no reason to leave. At the same time, I see every reason to leave. I understand why someone would and, most importantly, I find myself wanting to be okay with it.
_______________________________________________

Did you know And One has a song named "Only One" as well?

Nothing would be better
When you turn away
Give me a second chance
So let me stay

The smile in your face
Tells it for sure
I want to be with you
No matter rich or poor

No matter rich or poor

What´s the reason why
You don´t talk to me
The tenderness you giving me
Makes me free

I´ve got that feeling
Of golden times
But I see everything
What glitters isn´t gold

No matter rich or poor

You´re the only one in my dreams
You´re the only one so hear my screams
All the things seem to blend
When I touch your skin and hold your hand

hmmm.....uhh....interesting

"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks...the work for which all other work is but preparation."--Rainer Maria Rilke

hahaha

blackfalcon1477: hmm....mom wants to bond
blackfalcon1477: what the hell
blackfalcon1477: "we're going shopping"
blackfalcon1477: "why?"
blackfalcon1477: "I thought you wanted to by a christmas gift for tracy?"
blackfalcon1477: "*thinking: damn...* oh yeah...sure."
blackfalcon1477: so now I have to go take a shower
"jialiya": haha
"jialiya": for tracy
"jialiya": lol
blackfalcon1477: ....
blackfalcon1477: wow, completely taken out of context...but nice

that, my friends, is what I call "reading between the lines"...remember, you can totally miss the important message if you don't read between the lines.

message: everyday, I wake up and take a shower....for Tracy.

ahh, stacy....

blackfalcon1477: wow. you're....depressing
"stacy": haha.
"stacy": you just had to say it again didnt you?
"stacy": gosh. get more creative ha thien
blackfalcon1477: haha
blackfalcon1477: *british accent* you're a rather melancholy ol' chap, aren't you?
"stacy": haha
blackfalcon1477: exactly

thought of the moment

They're tryin to come back, all my senses push. Un-tie the weight bags I never thought I could...Steady feet, don't fail me now--gonna run 'til you can't walk--but something pulls my focus out and I'm standing down. Stop and stare...I think I'm moving but I go nowhere. Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared...

The Weekenders

So I used to watch this show, called The Weekenders, religiously when I was in middle school and still had satellite instead of cable. It's shown on ToonDisney, so I never get to see it anymore since my room only has basic cable and I'm not social enough towards my family to watch tv in the living room.

For the first time in like....3 or 4 years, I'm watching it again, and it makes me happy.

I'm bored

and inspired from watching food network competitions and iron chef for hours....

so I thought I'd post some of my favorite foods.....vietnamese, specifically, but some others as well...

1) asparagus and crab meat soup--though what my mom does is flavor the crab meat with fish sauce, but then flavor the broth with salt...I think that's better...
2) grilled pork and vermicelli--I think the difference here is that my mom marinates overnight...I *think* with soy sauce for flavor instead of fish sauce, and I think she generally uses beef more. Reason for soy sauce, she says, is that it makes the beef more tender? O_o? idk...it just does. Sometimes, instead of grilling, she sautes it quickly in a pan...tastes just as good...and it gives room to be lazy.
3) Spicy Beef and Pork Noodles--you know...I'm starting to wonder why things that take a long time to cook have such simple names. Anyway, the thing that my mother does differently is that she doesn't put the shrimp paste in the soup generally for the sole reason that it gets really.....pungent and stays in the house for a while. We add it individually...makes the flavor so great, though...heehee. Spicy = greatness. Plus....instead of simmering until the meat is tender, my mom has to use a slow-cooker because what she uses is a piece of beef that has a lot of connective tissue (tendon) that takes a while to cook to tenderness on the stove. She cooks it overnight, with the "pork knuckles"/leg and in those few hours, it will tenderize. :D It makes me so happy....I prefer things not that tender, though....because it's more fun to eat that way...just for this recipe, though.
4) Hot and Sour Fish Soup--again, I wished the names make these more appetizing...but don't knock it 'til you try it. Eaten with nice jasmine rice....this rocks. it ROCKS. Seriously. I think my mom actually cooks this one in a similar fashion. It's pretty simple, so....I expect most people to do it the same way.
5) Flan--k....I dunno how people usually do flan, but this is exactly how we do it. I don't put the coffee mixture with the egg mixture, though...I make black coffee and then chill it in ice and pour over the finished product. Much better that way :)
6) Roast Duck--not vietnamese and no recipe, but a picture. I like it a lot, though, especially with those fluffy like...white....bread-ish....things...I don't know what they're called.
7) Vietnamese Chicken Salad--I hate purple perilla, so my mom doesn't put it in, and I like the shredded cabbage, so we always have it. I also don't like spearmint, so we don't add that, either....For the fish sauce dressing...we don't use vinegar, my mom calls it "synthetic sour flavor" (literally translated) and we use lime instead...which I like a lot better. We top it with crispy fried shallots. MMM....We usually make this along with Vietnamese Chicken Rice Porridge--honestly, I don't know what makes this vietnamese besides the fact that it's flavored with fish sauce. The thing that we do differently is that we shred the chicken after it's cooked and make a salad, and then put some into the soup as well...so no marinade.
8) alright...I couldn't find the recipe and such for this one, but it's called "Baby Clams with Sesame Rice Crackers"--what my mom does is she just simply sautes baby clams, chopped onions, a vietnamese herb known as "rau ram" and chopped spicy Thai chilis and serve it with sesame rice crackers....AWESOMENESS

I think that's enough food for today....but my mother....cooks all of this for me...makes me happy....I *think* I know how to make all of this, too....although my flavoring is probably off from hers, since it's less experienced.

>< haha....more sensored material

blackfalcon1477: have I ever shown you my pictures?
blackfalcon1477: nothing dirty, mind you
-----: ...
-----: lol
-----: that reminded me of my other offer
blackfalcon1477 (11:28:27 PM): ....
-----: with your camera
-----: ... and you
blackfalcon1477: hahaha
blackfalcon1477: ....
blackfalcon1477: I'll take you up on that one day
-----: one day?
blackfalcon1477: when we get back to school
-----: oh snap
-----: ok
-----: lol
-----: monies for me
blackfalcon1477: you've been waiting for--uhhh
blackfalcon1477: no
blackfalcon1477: you give
blackfalcon1477: remember?
blackfalcon1477: willingly
blackfalcon1477: to me
-----: ...
-----: god damn
-----: that was..
-----: so damn kinky
-----: "You give [yourself] WILLINGLY to ME"
-----: wow

what the hell

So I am in Charlotte.....because dad's at work....and I was like "mom, I'm bored" and she started to get on this rant about how I don't really do anything....

I need to be more careful about saying stuff like that.

She just took 15 minutes to talk about how I can clean the house....and she ended, I think, for now....with "a TON of work to do" >< God, I'm stupid...

an artist of the entertainment industry

"--": dude, if i ever started a porn company, it would be so profitable
blackfalcon1477 (12:30:25 PM): ....
blackfalcon1477 (12:30:28 PM): hmm
"--": ...
"--": heyy
"--": want to start out on my... business plan with me?
"--": i need your camera
"--": ...
"--": and you

I think tracy knows who this is. This kid is so amusing to talk to....I love it.

On Tea and Life

I was watching Fearless

"Tea is a frame of mind. If you're happy, is the superiority or inferiority of tea important?"

thinking

I think my periods of doubt are unnecessary. Unnecessary...because I don't want them. Everything is too nice to have doubts, I like everything the way they are, I like my state of mind, I like where things are going, I like life. I'm happy. Doubts make me unhappy...but I keep having them. I don't like this. My brain is insatiable....

octopus legs....

"prashant" (1:33:23 AM): man, when i'm old, i'm gonna do w/e the fuck i want "prashant" (1:33:30 AM): i'll just be like "bitch i'm senile" blackfalcon1477 (1:33:57 AM): XDDDDDDDDDDDd "prashant" (1:33:46 AM): "fear me! i'm senile" blackfalcon1477 (1:34:18 AM): yes, feel the wrath of my dentures "prashant" (1:34:12 AM): i'll run around and do stupid stuff in my old frail body "prashant" (1:34:29 AM): and talk about how i ran (not walked) to school in the blistering cold "prashant" (1:34:30 AM): uphill "prashant" (1:34:31 AM): both ways blackfalcon1477 (1:35:21 AM): with no shoes "prashant" (1:35:02 AM): or socks "prashant" (1:35:21 AM): holding 300 lbs of books in my hand and other 300 on my back blackfalcon1477 (1:36:16 AM): and that's what gave you that old, frail body "prashant" (1:35:57 AM): exactly "prashant" (1:36:04 AM): but i'll run around in my old, frail body "prashant" (1:36:15 AM): and probably break every bone just walking down the street "prashant" (1:37:10 AM): i think i'll get my brain frozen after i die blackfalcon1477 (1:37:37 AM): .... "prashant" (1:37:21 AM): and the have it put in one of those like leg walky thingies "prashant" (1:37:33 AM): so it's like a brain w/ those creepy as hell metal octopus legs blackfalcon1477 (1:38:21 AM): ... "prashant" (1:38:02 AM): and then i can really be like "ha fear me now bitches! i have scary octopus legs!" blackfalcon1477 (1:38:32 AM): XDDDDDDDDDDDDD "prashant" (1:38:14 AM): then i can take over the world blackfalcon1477 (1:38:54 AM): XDDDDDD dear lord, prashant, taking over the world in a metal octopus body "prashant" (1:38:35 AM): yep blackfalcon1477 (1:39:03 AM): with a senile brain "prashant" (1:38:41 AM): i have my life very carefully planned blackfalcon1477 (1:39:11 AM): I'm sure "prashant" (1:38:57 AM): well, it's well planed after i get senile. idk what i'm gonna do till i get senile, but that's not important blackfalcon1477 (1:40:13 AM): I'm sure blackfalcon1477 (1:40:21 AM): because senility is the center of life "prashant" (1:40:29 AM): exactly "prashant" (1:40:35 AM): well, that and college blackfalcon1477 (1:41:03 AM): oh yes blackfalcon1477 (1:41:12 AM): the drinking... "prashant" (1:40:52 AM): lol "prashant" (1:40:55 AM): and partying blackfalcon1477 (1:41:29 AM): in your non-frail body "prashant" (1:41:15 AM): i'll practice my running around and being crazy in college "prashant" (1:41:45 AM): then i can take over the world much more effectively "prashant" (1:42:13 AM): it takes great skill (and senileness) to rule the world effectively, none of which can be obtained w/o practice in college "prashant" (1:42:40 AM): maybe i'll major in senileness blackfalcon1477 (1:43:34 AM): whatever tougas majored in "prashant" (1:43:16 AM): lol "prashant" (1:43:20 AM): only she sucks at it, obviously she didn't practice in college blackfalcon1477 (1:43:55 AM): yeah....so it bordered craziness blackfalcon1477 (1:44:02 AM): I'm sure that's what happened "prashant" (1:43:43 AM): exactly "prashant" (1:43:51 AM): maybe her and dr. glumm went and smoked pot together and had chunks of their brains removed "prashant" (1:45:00 AM): it’s the remnants of their failed attempts at senileness and world domination blackfalcon1477 (1:45:37 AM): stuck here at ncssm "prashant" (1:45:20 AM): yep blackfalcon1477 (1:45:48 AM): sad, sad lives… "prashant" (1:45:29 AM): i know blackfalcon1477 (1:45:54 AM): no octopus legs "prashant" (1:45:36 AM): how depressing blackfalcon1477 (1:45:59 AM): no preserved brains blackfalcon1477 (1:46:00 AM): I know "prashant" (1:45:46 AM): that's why u practice at college "prashant" (1:45:47 AM): duh blackfalcon1477 (1:46:19 AM): it's common knowledge "prashant" (1:45:57 AM): i mean, what else is college for? "prashant" (1:46:27 AM): only the really disillusioned people actually think it's important for getting a good job and all that stuff "prashant" (1:46:43 AM): getting a job, making money, all that is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things "prashant" (1:46:57 AM): the only thing important is making sure your senile career goes as planned "prashant" (1:47:19 AM): w/ the whole preserved brain and octopus legs blackfalcon1477 (1:47:44 AM): yes blackfalcon1477 (1:47:49 AM): metal octopus legs "prashant" (1:47:30 AM): exactly blackfalcon1477 (1:47:54 AM): 'cause anything else won't last blackfalcon1477 (1:49:30 AM): but I'll go get more sleep before I write about octopus legs on my exam "prashant" (1:49:11 AM): hahaha "prashant" (1:49:18 AM): "what bone is this?" "prashant" (1:49:21 AM): "OCTOPUS LEGS" blackfalcon1477 (1:49:47 AM): YES blackfalcon1477 (1:49:49 AM): exactly blackfalcon1477 (1:49:51 AM): X) "prashant" (1:49:38 AM): "name the function of this muscle?" "prashant" (1:49:48 AM): "to ensure world domination after senileness" blackfalcon1477 (1:50:15 AM): hahaha blackfalcon1477 (1:51:06 AM): subliminal messaging "prashant" (1:50:46 AM): lol "prashant" (1:52:14 AM): but u have to mention the metalness of them "prashant" (1:52:44 AM): i mean, come on. what good would real octopus legs do? blackfalcon1477 (1:53:21 AM): I know....obviously nothing for those octopi "prashant" (1:53:06 AM): i know right "prashant" (1:53:15 AM): i mean all they do is swim and pee ink "prashant" (1:53:19 AM): and get eaten blackfalcon1477 (1:53:49 AM): by senile humans "prashant" (1:53:26 AM): now if they had metal legs "prashant" (1:53:50 AM): they would be like "ddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! and then totally rape you w/ the metalness of their legs" blackfalcon1477 (1:54:22 AM): XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD "prashant" (1:54:14 AM): and instead of having a senile brain as the world leader, we'd have octopi" "prashant" (1:54:19 AM): *octopuses "prashant" (1:54:30 AM): who would be like "fear my legs bitches" "prashant" (1:54:37 AM): "aaaaahhhhh teh rapezors"

German in my head

"Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ohne dich zähl ich die Stunden ohne dich
Mit dir stehen die Sekunden
Lohnen nicht ohne dich"
----V----
"Without you I cannot be
Without you I count the hours without you
With you the seconds stand still
They aren't worth it without you"

Du hast mich, eikalt erwischt

back to sleep I go...*yawn*

stuck in my head

I've been listening to too much Maroon 5...><

Do you mean all the things you are?
Are you pleased with the way things are?
Wear that dress to protect this scar,
That only I have seen.

Do you give just to please yourself?
Do you wish you were somewhere else?
Justified all the things you tried,
said that it was all for me.

And be near,
Just for the moment,
Stay here,
Never go home.

Did you know that everything she ever does is for you?
So it goes, the story of a broken heart comes true,
It comes true.

Have you learned all the secrets yet?
Were you burned by the things I've said?
Took the dive just to feel alive,
but never heard the truth.

Now I'm in love but I don't know how
I'm in pain cause I want it now
As I sit watching her eyes close,
I slowly open mine.

And be near,
Just for the moment,
Stay here,
Never go home.

Did you know that everything she ever does is for you?
So it goes, the story of a broken heart comes true, comes true.

I am so confused by this.
I know that life is hit or miss.
Days are stung by too much sun,
I think that you may be the one.

Lies

Don't you understand the intentions I put behind my thoughts? If you did, you'd understand why they're weaved with lies. Lies tell you what I don't want; lies tell you that I don't trust; lies tell you everything that my thoughts are not. If only you can look beneath what's not to understand what is.

"I can't believe it's Daoism!"

"How do I know that enjoying life is not a delusion? How do I know that in hating death we are not like people who got lost in early childhood and do not know the way home? How do I know that the dead do not regret their previous longing for life? One who dreams of drinking wine may in the morning weep; one who dreams of weeping may in the morning go out to hunt. During our dreams we do not know we are dreaming. We may even dream of interpreting a dream. Only in waking do we know it was a dream. Only after the great awakening will we realize that this is the great dream. And yet, fools think they are awake, presuming to know that they are rulers or herdsmen. It will probably be called preposterous, but after ten thousand generations there may be a great sage who will be able to explain it, a trivial interval equivalent to the passage from morning to night."--Zhuangzi

"Once Zhuang Zhou dreamed he was a butterfly, a fluttering butterfly. What fun he had, doing as he pleased! He did not know he was a Zhou. Suddenly he woke up and found himself to be Zhou. He did not know whether Zhou had dreamed he was a butterfly, or a butterfly had dreamed he was Zhou. Between Zhou and the butterfly there must be some distinction. This is what is meant by the transformation of things."

--I think this said basically everything I wanted to say....I want the answers to these questions...only, I don't want to wake up, because the dream is too good right now. Life is the great dream, and the great nightmare. I would like to sit and watch as my life run its course, but it pulls me in and I'm involved. Tell me, why must I be continuously confused throughout this dream of mine. Clarity is what I'm seeking, but I can't seem to find it. One would say that if something confuses you so, then get way from the stimulus, or you can figure it out. Alas, I can't figure it out, and I don't want to get away from the stimulus...so tell me? What do you want? What does life want? What do you want from me? If you state your wants, maybe I can meet them. However, people wouldn't do that, they're too afraid to. I'm too afraid to state what I want....afraid of others AND myself.

"What I love is the Way, which goes beyond skill. I deal with it through my spirit rather than looking at it with my eyes. My perceptions stops and my spirit runs its course. A good cook changes his knife once a year, because he cuts. An ordinary cook changes his knife every month, because he hacks. This knife of mine is nineteen years old, It has carved several thousand cows, yet its blade looks like it had just come from the grindstone. There are spaces in the joints, and the blade has no thickness. So when something with no thickness enters something with space, it has plenty of room to move about. This is why after nineteen years it seems fresh from the grindstone. However, when I come to something complicated, I inspect it closely to prepare myself. I keep my eyes on what I am doing and proceed deliberately, moving my knife imperceptibly. Then with a stroke it all comes apart like a clod of earth crumbling. I stand there, my knife in my hand, look all around, enjoying my success. Then I clean the knife and put it away.
Lerd Wenhui said, "Excellent! By listening to Cook Ding, I learned how to nurture life.""

--This is how life should be. Life should be Daoist, which means that it should be about perception and flow, not....getting what you want by force. Only, hahahahahaha, nvm....don't think about it too much <.< If life is like a blade, then you should try the best you can to preserve it, not by avoiding to cut from fear of ruining it, but by using the right techniques so that it lasts longer. Life doesn't have to be anything except for a thin line within a vast space. If something confuses you, stand back and observe it until you can find a way to approach it delicately but quickly and efficiently. If I can be successful with this, then I will be content with how I approach life. For now, I am still the under-experienced cook, not necessarily hacking away at food, but rather too afraid to cook from fear of bad results.

The Secret's In The Telling

The signal is subtle
We pass just close enough to touch
No questions, no answers
We know by now to say enough
With only simple words
With only subtle turns
The things we feel alone for one another

So I won't sleep if you won't sleep tonight

We pass just close enough to touch
We love in secret names
We hide within our veins
The things that keep us bound to one another

Your name is pounding through my veins
Can't you hear how it is sung?

Before the words escape my lungs
And I'll whisper only once...

We are compelled to do what we have to
We are compelled to do what we have been forbidden

'Cause you will be somebody's girl
And you will keep each other warm
But tonight I am feeling cold

hmmm

I'm so happy for some reason.....So my roommate tried to guess what my "deep dark secret" is....because I guessed hers...Actually, I didn't guess because I didn't want to assume....until she told me to. *sigh* oh stacy....why, why, why....

Anyway, I felt compelled to tell her because I felt....indebted to her, so I let her guess. She didn't get it, though....but she ended up with several unconsolidated things:

"You're afraid of falling in love because you are afraid that it won't be reciprocated and that it would hurt you."
"You're afraid of eventually caring for someone...which means that you love them?"
"You're afraid of abandonment, rejection, and people lying to you about how they feel. That's why you don't trust them."

.........0_o..........

My roommate is listening to White Flag a lot....oh roommie...why? We talked yesterday and I understand why she's so....stuck on it. I still think Neill and I are a lot alike...and if we are...I would like to apologize to everyone who ends up...caring about me. I wouldn't think that it's an easy task. I think last night was one of those talks where I end up deciding that I'm a horrible person >< because I think I'll someday end up doing the same thing he did. I think one day someone will be significant to me, and I would (hopefully) be as significant to them, but then they'd do something that shows the smallest sign of instability or inconsistency and I'll completely leave. The reason? I wouldn't know what else to do.

Figure It Out

I'm happy you answered my calls
I'm bouncing off the walls
impossible to be tamed

I'm happy you like to play games

I'm happy you're so impulsive
means that your passionate
I know you wanna break free
from this monotony
I'm happy you're coming with me
but by choice its gotta be

I can see your getting it
so figure it out and let's go

chemistry

The subject title has nothing to do with what I'm saying, but I miss it, so I thought I'd amuse myself by putting it there.

"Well I am imagining a dark lit place
Or your place or my place
Well I'm not paralyzed
But I seem to be struck by you"

You know what "frozen" means? In this context, I think it means that my brain cells literally froze...whether or not it's due to the progressively cooling weather or something else, I wouldn't know. You know my fears? Well, if you really think about it, aren't I ultimately afraid of being lied to.....about the most important things to me? Then I thought about sleep....how is it that I can be so tired--both mentally and physically--and still want to stay up...to be on the phone...? I was talking to Stacy about Neill the other day, and about how he "doesn't want her in his life anymore" and I told her that I think it's just his response becuase it's easier that way. There are things he probably can't say because it's hard to. It's all about protecting yourself, really. I think that shields take effort to get through, and I don't think she put up enough effort, but that's probably my biased opinion since I have a shield as well. At the risk of maybe sounding like an ass...for me to really trust someone takes effort, consistency and stability on their part. You need to promise me those things...if I don't think you're capable of it, it's hard to trust you. Even when I think I trust someone, I still have to convince myself that I trust my judgment and trust what I think and feel. I don't necessarily trust the people I care about. Even if I really want to believe you, and I think I believe you...I can still draw back at the first and smallest sign of hesitance on your part. You have to be sure of what you think, feel, say, and do. You have to know that those things you convey to me are really what you want. With these things, I make myself take things literally, so I leave myself no chances of falling into a delusion. So each step you take can a progression or it can be a regression. I draw back with hesitance, contradictory statements, retractions of statements, etc...there are lots of other things....it's cumbersome, I think, and that's why a lot of people have quit.

"You're too analytical about how you feel." --Kristin

oh yeah...

strike two.

his reason

Is that I don't care about anyone except for myself. So what? I've gone from only caring about my friends to just caring about myself. You know what? WOW, I never thought he would notice! It's like....OMG, he knows me so well!

Jenny also said that he said it's too expensive and I'm not worth it because all I do is just call to ask for things, not to ask how he is. He said that ever since I went to school, I started to care less about my family. No....that is where he is mistaken. How much I care about him now is how much I've always cared for him. The way I've acted towards him is how I've always wanted to act towards him. The only thing he can honestly say that's changed is how I think about things. The only thing that school has done is changed the way I think about life and people, and it's also made me reevaluate myself so many times. That's it. I've always been this careless when it comes to him.

As for my mother, yeah...I've talked to her less, I've told her less things about myself, but it's a hassle to explain a month's worth of happenings there. I haven't told her about Frances, about my changed values, about my increased cynicism, etc.

What I ask is, does he deserve to know? If he doesn't think I deserve my camera then fine....go ahead. I don't need him. I don't need anyone.

Slip Out The Back

Fightin' so hard to hide our fear that we're scaring ourselves


Slip out the back before they know you were there
At the worst you'll see nobody cares
'Cause you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

Slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
That's why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair,
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero, but don't think I didn't care

Disappointment

I was right damn it.

In a surge of depression and anger last night, I told Stacy how I think my weekend will go. I said to her:

1) The way things have been going these past few weeks, I don't expect to come home to my camera, because my father probably hasn't even ordered it yet
2) I have to deal with that tiramisu-buying woman
3) Tracy probably wouldn't be able to come on Monday

So far, strike one. I knew it. I knew it.

Conversation to the man I have to call my father:
"Hey, where are you?
Almost there.
Hey, have you ordered the camera yet?
No.
Why not?
If you really want it, we can order it tonight or something.
Forget it. *click*"

To mother:
"If you two didn't want to do this, then you could've told me and I would've just paid my aunt and ask her to do this for me. What? You don't want to pay for this or he is still waiting to 'check it out'? Forget it. I can't even ask you two for something so small as going to a website and clicking a few buttons.
*silence*"

Yep, I knew it. I don't even know why I asked. I don't even know why I trust these people anymore.

Ohne Dich--my first set of German song lyrics

Ich verbrenne für dich
Ich kann nicht atmen ohne dich
Du vergibst weil du liebst
Ich falle für dich
Kann nicht mehr aufstehn ohne dich
Du verstehst weil du lebst
Was ist die Sonne ohne dein Licht
Was ist ein bild ohne dein Gesicht
Ich hab das Leben verflucht
Allein zu leben versucht
Doch es geht nicht
Ohne dich kann ich nicht frei sein
Endlos high sein
Ohne dich bin ich allein
Ohne dich kann ich nicht fliegen
Ohne dich endlos lieben
Ohne dich kann ich nicht sein
Ich erwache für dich
Ich kann nichts spürn ohne dich
Du befreist du verzeihst
Ich ertrinke in dir
Spür deinen Pulsschlag tief in mir
Du verstehst weil du lebst
Ich bete zu Gott dass es nie endet
Dass dein Feuer mich ewig blendet
Ich vermiss dich zähle jede Sekunde
Ohne deine Gnade geh ich zugrunde

Daoism

Defining "hidden"

Dimly visible, it can't be named
And returns to that which is without substance
This is called the indistinct and shadowy

It has no shape, no form and requires imagination. The desired effect cannot be seen, hear, or touched, but the value lies behind the thoughts. Unspoken words are those we should look for in the sea of spoken words in order to hear what needs to be spoken as thoughts give rise to sensation even if distance hinders touch. The Dao is in the process of acquiring, not the concrete but in the abstract--not in what is spoken, heard or touched, but in what cannot be. So then ordinary would give rise to the unique and the transcendent wisdom lies not in illusions given, but in illusions made. The mind is the key. "What I want is not necessarily what I asked for and the phenomenal depends on my perception and utilization of my surroundings." Surprises lay within the hidden, not within the obvious.

Sometimes I wish my words will become actions, actions that will transcend both reality and fantasy to reach beyond imagination and dreams. Your figure, a phantasma of surreal complexity, penetrates the veil safeguarding my inner psyche to obstruct coherent thoughts, reducing them to basic vocabulary and inhibited expressions. In awe, I listen to what seems to be harmonizing notes flowing from the purest instrument of tonal properties. Meanwhile, the warm atmosphere completely visceral around our worlds as we collide roughly like two molecules suspended in a chemical reaction that never seem to cease. If I were to capture this moment in time, I'd feel as if I had the secret the universe created just for me. It's magical, no?

hmm

sometimes I wish people would say what I want them to say for once. Ahh....disappointment creeps in and I just wish it would stop, because I don't want the happiness to end. I don't.

argh

It's unbearable...I can't stop it. It's taking over, does that make sense?

As a Buddhist, I will not fall into my desire. As a person, I will not let myself fall into desire. Tempting, but no. But then again, I want to be surprised. By life, my myself, my anything...I like surprises

I'm posting a lot lately

I think lately I've had a lot of things to think about....only I feel like I can never express it in adequate words. Have you ever gone through a phase where you think about yourself and you try to understand something about yourself but you can't? I'm sure everyone has gone through such a time, but I hope that like everyone else, mine is temporary. "Be tentative and hesitant" is what I tell myself. Ahh....I wish there was just one day where people tell me what I want to hear. That is my little selfish wish....delusional and selfish....

hmmm

"Returning to one's roots is known as stillness
This is what is meant by returning to one's destiny
Returning to one's destiny is known as the constant
Knowledge of the constant is known as discernment
Woe to him who willfully innovates
While ignorant of the constant
But should one act from knowledge of the constant
One's action will lead to impartiality
Impartiality to kingliness
Heaven to the way
The way to perpetuity"

-This is the way
_____________________________________________

Hence always rid yourself of desires in order to observe its secrets
But always allow yourself to have desires in order to observe its manifestations

-desires do you no good
______________________________________________

What cannot be seen is called evanescent
What cannot be heard is called rarefied
What cannot be touched is called minute
---
Of old he who was well versed in the way
Was minutely subtle, mysteriously comprehending
And too profound to be known
It is because he could not be known
That he can only be given a makeshift description
Tentative, as if fording a river in winter
Hesitant, as if in fear of his neighbors
Formal like a guest
Falling apart like thawing ice
Thick like uncarved block
Vacant like a valley
Murky like muddy water
Who can be muddy and yet, settling, slowly become limpid?

-One is hesitant and tentative of things that one is unclear of....ahh....I think this is how I feel right now, though I think I'm taking this passage out of its context and this is not what the Tao Te Ching is promoting...Can you guess what I'm thinking, Tracy?

quizzes/surveys and such

1) Some random girl comes up to you and says "Hey, what's your name?"
“……why?”
2) What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
Deer Park water bottle
3) What does your last text message say?
“I miss you. If I woke you up, then I hope the thought was nice enough that it was okay.”
4) The last song you listened to?
“I will follow you into the dark” by Death Cab
5) If you hated someone and got put in charge of their funeral music, what would it be?
Opera
6) Where is your best friend right now?
I don’t know you tell me.
7) What did you do yesterday?
hung out with Frances
8) Pick a scar on your body - what did you do?
elbow—fell off a scooter while trying to stupidly race against a bike XD Rolled down a hill, and two bloody arms later, here I am.
9) What teacher have you hated most and why?
Dr. Schmalbeck—she couldn’t teach. My 9th grade Hn. Earth Science teacher taught be more things than she did
12.) What do you really think happened to steve on blues clues?
uhhh…..he got addicted to the drugs that the blues clues accidentally led him to one day
14.) Who is your most religious friend?
Kangyue
15) Who do you trust with your life?
The same people that I believe could trust theirs with mine.  Not giving any names though.—I agree with this answer
16) If you could change your name to anything what would it be?
I like mine
17) What would you say if someone told you you were the most beautiful person in the world and they would do anything to wake up to your face each and every morning?
Stare at them….and tell them I don’t believe them…
18) What do you hate about your school?
some people don’t deserve to be here and I wish they weren’t here
19) How often do you curse?
quite often, though if you don’t, I’ll try not to curse in front of you until I’m comfortable with you
20) Do you trust all of your friends?
No.
21) Would you move to another state or country to be with the one you love?
Depends. I might.
22.) Have you ever talked on the phone while in the shower?
nope
23) Name two things you would NOT tolerate in a relationship?
Disrespect and disloyalty—yeah….I agree
24) Which one of your friends do you think would make the best prostitute?
XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD-----Jialiya
25) Are you afraid of falling in love?
kind of
26) Is there someone that popped in your mind after that question?
I like tea—for Tracy, this means yes……….for me, uh….I like sushi
27) Would you stop talking to your friends because you hooked up with a new person?
uh, no. most likely, I would stop talking to this new person sooner than I would my friends
29) Fill in the blank. I love_____
being with those people that make me happy, and hopefully that I can do the same for.
30) What is a goal you would like to accomplish in the near future?
getting things done and making my grades asian-acceptable
31) If you were to wake up from being in a coma for an extended time who would you call?
who….if singular, then they should know. If plural then generally my closest friends
32) How many kids do you want to have?
I dunno, how many can I comfortably support?
33) Would you make a good parent?
I don’t think so
34) Where was your default picture taken?
outside the Golden Gate bridge gift shop
35) What is your middle name?
Thien
36) Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
Tracy’s health
37) If you could go back in time and change something, what would it be?
I had this conversation with Tracy…and I’m quite content with my life as well….
38) Shoe size?
8.5
39) What are you wearing right now?
White dress pants, blue and green striped polo and a dark denim jacket
40) Righty or Lefty?
right
41) Can you make a dollar in change right now?
no
43) Favorite jeans?
the really comfortable ones that belong to my cousin
44) Favorite animal?
white tiger
45) Favorite juice?
Coconut--YEAH
46) Have you had the chicken pox?
yep
47) Have you had a sore throat?
of course
48) Ever had plastic surgery?
of course…..i had to get rid of that “40-year-old chain-smoker look’
49) Who knows you the best?
My dear, dear little bunny
50) Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
glasses…but I won’t wear them
51) Ever been in a fight with your pet?
yeah…it wouldn’t let go of my finger, so I tried to pull it out against the side of the cage….it was violent and I bled.
52) Been to Mexico?
uhhh…..depends on who’s asking
53) Did you buy something yesterday?
nope
54) Did you get sick today?
nope
55) Did you miss anyone today?
You would not believe how much
56) Did you get in a fight with someone today?
No.
57) When is the last time you liked someone?
uhh…..I dunno….you mean without the intention of amusing myself? Uhh….5th grade
58) Last person to lay in your bed?
myself
59) Last person to see you cry?
I dunno…
60) Who/what made you cry?
I dunno
62) What are your plans for the weekend?
apps and essays and hanging out and papers and French hw, and talking to Tracy until those ungodly hours of the morning…damn it, those apps are not getting done.
63) Who do you think will repost this?
hehe, Tracy would, but I got it from her, so…I dunno
64) Are you happy right now?
as of this moment? Yeah. In general? More than I’ve ever been by far
65) Drunk dialer or texter?
texter
66) Are you hungry?
nope
67) Are you a forgiving person?
to people I care about, I’ll forgive most things
68) Would you ever share a girl/boyfriend with your best friend?
uhhh…..no. If it makes them happy, I would give them up. I don’t care much for that.
69) Have you lost a friend recently?
no
70) Are you talking to someone while doing this?
uhh…..trying to pretend like I’m paying attention to the teacher
72) What are you about to do right now?
take the next survey/quiz
______________________________________________

Animals
1. What's your favorite animal?: white tiger
2. Why?: they exude mystery, and that intrigues and excites me, and plus, they are aesthetically pleasing to me…..the color comforts me
Bolding
1. I love chocolate.
2. I know all the words to "Beverly Hills"
3. I think "Lady and the Tramp" is the most romantic cartoon ever made
4. Summer vacation ends in August for me
5. My camera is the best thing I own
6. I have TiVo
7. I have can fake a British accent
8. There are more than two bathrooms in my house
9. I can walk to my best friend's house in under five minutes
10. The flag on my mailbox is broken
Cinema
1. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?: Meet the Robinsons
2. Rented?: Idk
3. Bought?: none
4. Out of those three, which was the best?: dude…only one choice
5. What's your all-time favorite movie?: The fountain
6. Least favorite?: Dukes of Hazard
7. If there was a remake of The Wizard of Oz, who would you choose to play Dorothy?: idk….
8. Speaking of which, do you believe it that whole "hanging munchkin" thing?: I have no idea
9. Who was a better Willy Wonka; Gene Wilder or Johnny Depp?: uhh….Johnny Depp was creepy
10. What's the best snack to eat while watching movies?: kettle-cooked chips are always good….
Depression & Sadness
1. Are you sad right now?: nope
2. Did anything upsetting happen this past week?: I guess….
3. Do you think you're depressed?: nope
4. Do you listen to sad music?: XD yeah….
5. Have you cheered anyone up recently?: I hope so
6. Has anyone cheered you up?: Definitely
7. Has anyone close to you ever died?: nope
8. Do you get upset when you hear child abuse stories on the news?: nope
9. Do you cry a lot?: uhh, depends on the reason
10. Do you watch sad movies/TV shows?: nope
Everyday Routine
1. What time do you usually get up?: uhh….when I have to
2. Do you shower in the morning or at night?: morning
3. Do you floss?: no
4. Do you have a job?: no
5. Name one person you see every day: roommate
6. What song are you tired of hearing every friggen day?: lots of stuff
8. What's one thing you have to do every day?: go to school
9. What do you wish you could do every day?: see my little bunny
10. How do you like to relax at the end of the day?: listen to my little bunny
Food & Drink
1. What's your favorite breakfast?: a mushroom, chicken, and chives omelette with crispy bacon and toasted muffins
2. Lunch?: at home, almost anything I can make, at school….fried chicken day
3. Dinner?: at home, almost anything I can make, at school…..9th street
4. Restaurant?: Tastyness….I have to go to this tastyness of which you speak
5. Coca Cola, Pepsi, or Seltzer?: coke
6. Do you drink water?: yeah
7. Can you drink alcohol legally?: no
8. If no, do you drink it anyway?: yes
9. What's your favorite food to cook?: slow cooked “soup” with Cornish Hen, dried shiitake mushrooms, onion and ginger
10. Coffee or Tea?: definitely tea
Idiot Box
1. What's your favorite reality show?: I guess Top Chef qualifies as one…
2. Cartoon?: tom and jerry is a classic
3. Drama?: idk
4. What's the stupidest show on TV right now?: I love New york
5. Do you watch sketch comedy (MadTV, SNL, etc.)?: yeah, The Soup
6. What channel is TBS where you live?: idk
7. Do you actually use the TV Guide Channel?: no
8. Do you watch music videos?: yeah
9. How about America's Funniest Videos?: no
10. Did you know that "Idiot Box" is also the title of a Spongebob episode?: no
Jumping for Joy!
1. Are you excited about something right now?: not really
2. When was the last time you were really, really happy?: heh…
3. Hear any good news recently?: I dunno
4. Fix any problems?: haha, not really
5. Do you get hyper easily?: kind of
6. Does caffeine make you jittery?: not really, unless it’s strong or I drank a lot
7. Do you get excited easily?: hmm, by certain things
8. Do you think hyperactive puppies are annoying?: nah
9. How high can you jump?: not very
10. Did you like jump rope as a little kid?: not at all
Kid Stuff
1. What was your favorite toy as a kid?: ahem….errr….some little kids’ cooking set
2. Were you a Disney Princess?: ewww
3. And how about those Disney animal movies?: nah
4. Did you watch Nick Jr.?: no
5. Barney?: uhh….*whispers* yes…
6. Sesame Street?: no
7. Do you have/want kids?: yeah, some day
8. Do you have any nieces or nephews?: no
9. Do you have any adult relatives who act like kids?: uh, yeah, lots….
10. Were you a Toys 'R' Us kid?: nope
Looks
1. What color is your hair naturally?: dark brown, getting lighter it seems….Qin blames it on the summer
2. Do you dye it?: I had highlights
3. What color are your eyes?: dark brown
4. Do you need glasses/contacts?: yeah, but I don’t wear them
5. How about braces/retainers?: nope
6. How tall are you?: 5’4”?
7. What's your shoe size?: 8.5
8. How do you dress on a normal day?: polo and pants
9. Do you wear a lot of make-up?: not at all
10. Do you paint your nails?: not at all
Quiz!!
1. What's 43 divided by 3?: 14.33333333333….etc..
2. Name two plays written by Shakespeare: A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Romeo and Juliet
3. What's the square route of 16?: 4
4. In what year did Columbus discover America?: 1492
5. Who was the third American president?: Ben Franklin?
6. How many wives did Henry VII have?: 7?
7. Name three elements on the Periodic Table: Rutherfordium, Francium, Tungsten
8. When did the Berlin Wall come down?: 1989?
9. How many hours are in 3 days?: 72.
10. A butcher is 5"5. What does he weigh?: Meat.
Reading
1. What was your favorite book as a kid?: The Giving Tree
2. How about now?: The Alchemist
3. Did you ever read the Black Lagoon series?: hahaha, yeah
4. Ramona Quimby?: wth?
5. Junie B. Jones?: yeah, actually
6. Harry Potter?: yep
7. What book should have never been made into a movie?: a lot that have already been made
8. What book should be made into a movie?: Key to the Kingdom series?
9. Who's your favorite author?: I don’t think I have one
10. Is "Arthur" a better book or TV show?: tv
This or That
1. Rock or Rap?: former
2. Spring or Fall?: fall
3. Black and White or Color?: black and white
4. Cats or Dogs?: cats
5. World History or Algebra/Math?: world history
6. Bolding or X's?: bolding
7. Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network?: nickelodeon
8. '70s or '80s?: I dunno
9. Monopoly or Clue?: monopoly
10. Aerosmith or Bon Jovi?: I don’t care
Under the Floorboards
1. Do you have a secret?: Yes.
2. Are you good at keeping secrets?: I'd like to think so. Yeah.
3. How about your friends?: I would think so.
4. Is your mom one of those gossipy housewives that tell everyone everything?: she can be
5. Does your family have secrets?: yes, we do
6. Do you lie to people a lot to keep your secret safe?: yeah
7. Are you keeping a secret right now?: yeah
8. Do you have a good Poker face?: I can
9. Have you ever planned a surprise party?: nah
10. Did you lie on this section to keep a secret?: nope
Word Association
1. Car: automobile
2. Bunny: tracy
3. Green: frances
4. Banana: <.<
5. Dance: ballroom
6. Napoleon Dynamite: ew
7. Porn: pirates
8. Ambulance: 6th amendment?
9. Flower: lavender?
___________________________________

TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU
1. Are you single? yeah
2. Are you happy? Generally, yeah
3. Are you bored? yeah
4. Are you sad? no
5. Are you Italian? no
6. Are you pregnant? no
8. Are you cool? idk
9. Are you Irish? no
10. Are your parents still married? Uhh….yeah
TEN FACTS
1. Name – Ha Thien
2. Birthplace - Vietnam
3. Hair color - Dark brown.
4. Hair style- quite long
5. Eye color – dark brown
6. Birthday – july 14th
7. Mood - tired
8. Favorite color? blue
9. Where do you live? usa
10. Left or right handed - right
TEN THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE
1. Have you ever been in love? no
2. Do you believe in love at first sight? no
3. Why did your last relationship fail? Because I got bored, basically…that and he didn’t know me
4. Have you ever been hurt emotionally? sure
5. Have you ever broken someone's heart? So I’ve been told
7. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? I never tell
8. Are you afraid of commitment? A little
9. Have you hugged someone within the last week? yeah
10. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Not really, they’ve either told me or was very quiet about it
TEN THIS OR THAT?
1. Love or lust? I like the former, but I think I’ll probably get/experience the latter
3. Cats or dogs? cats
4. A few best friends or many regular friends? former
6. Pepsi or coke? coke
7. Wild night out or romantic night in? quiet is good
8. Money or Hungry? Wth are you smoking?
9. Night or day? night
10. MSN (AIM) or phone? Depends.
TEN HAVE YOU EVER
1. Been caught sneaking out? no
2. Been skinny dipping? no
3. Done something you regret? A lot
4. Bungee jumped? no
5. Lied to someone you love? Uh…..
6. Finished an entire jaw breaker? no
8. Wanted an ex bf/gf back? never
9. Cried because you lost a pet? Yeah, actually
10. Wanted to disappear? A lot
TEN PREFERENCES
1. Smile or eyes: smile, usually
2. Light hair or dark: dark
3. Hugs or kisses: hugs
4. Shorter or taller: idc
5. Intelligence or attraction: Intelligence.
6. Romantic or spontaneous: ….I guess idk
8. Hook-up or relationship: Latter
9. Do you want a boyfriend/girlfriend: no
TEN LASTS
1. Last phone call you made: Tracy
2. Last phone call you receive: Tracy
3. Last person you hung out with: Pinkie
5. Last person you tackled: idk…on AIM, Tracy
6. Last person you IMed: Prashant
7. Last text message you received: idk
8. Last person you went to the movies with: Jared
9. Last person/ thing you missed: ...you need not know that
10. Person you wanna be with right now: ...you need not know that
_________________________________________

*Answer the questions using the letter that begins your name
*They have to be real places, names, things...nothing made up!
*Try to use different answers if the person in front of you had the same first initial. You CAN'T use your name for the boy/girl name question. (It is harder than you think.)

What is your name? Ha Thien
Four-letter word: hate
Vehicle: honda
Movie: hitched
TV Show: How to Boil Water
City: Hanoi
Girl Name: Hillary
Boy Name: Heath
Alcoholic drink: Hawaiian Screwdriver
Occupation: Historian
Something you wear: Hats
Celebrity: Halle Berry
Something found in a bathroom: Handles
Reason for being late: Hit-and-run
Cartoon Character: Harold from Hey Arnold
Something you shout: Hey!

on voices and happiness

Me: “Is it odd if someone’s voice makes you happy?”
Stacy: “No, because I used to feel the same way about Neill’s”
Me: “Why is it not odd?”
Stacy: “Because there can be something really soothing about someone’s voice because you can connect it to happy memories or that when you listen to it you know that someone’s there--that someone cares. Or maybe it’s not the voice, but the person behind it. Why? Does someone's voice make you happy?"
Me: "Maybe."

We also talked about love and whether or not it would be wrong to love someone. I told myself that it would never be wrong no matter who it is. I told her that my ultimate goal in life is to be happy. I want to be able to keep everything that makes me happy. We talked about permanence and about how life is just basically one delusion after another. She want to be able to find one thing/person that will always be able to make her happy. Being the cynical roommate that I am, I told her that happiness is mostly a delusion in the fact that you know it's not permanent, you know it's not forever, but you'd like to think that it's be forever and so you lie to yourself in order to be able to enjoy the moment. Then in attempting to be the good roommate that I feel I should be, I told her that she should just do the things that make her truly happy. Neill basically makes her miserable and happy at the same time. She doesn't understand why it's so.

hold on, I'm in Asia, and I want to type an interpretation of a Daoist verse. I like it a lot:
"Hence always rid yourself of desires in order to observe its secrets
But allow yourself to have desires in order to observe its manifestations.
These two are the same."

I generally don't think that most people can understand how much I mean it when I say that I am happy. So happy, so happy at this  moment. So happy. I sound so utterly ridiculous when I say that, but I don't know what else I can say. I'm sorry I don't have enough adequate words to describe how I feel. However, at the same time, I think that falling into happiness way too much is unsafe. I think that it's a mental weakness that I can't get away from. Sometimes I even think that this mental weakness of mine will be seen as a mental weakness by those I care about....I have no idea what I was trying to say anymore...blah

I will follow you into the dark

Love of mine some day you will die
But I'll be close behind
I'll follow you into the dark

No blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
Just our hands clasped so tight
Waiting for the hint of a spark
If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

In Catholic school as vicious as Roman rule
I got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
And I held my tongue as she told me
"Son fear is the heart of love"
So I never went back

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

If there's no one beside you
When your soul embarks
Then I'll follow you into the dark

You and me have seen everything to see
From Bangkok to Calgary
And the soles of your shoes are all worn down
The time for sleep is now
It's nothing to cry about
Cause we'll hold each other soon
The blackest of rooms

If Heaven and Hell decide
That they both are satisfied
Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

argh

I'm really frustrated....I want to know, I want to know. What do they want from me? What? Angry, very angry.....sleepy, very sleepy....but have to study for that midterm. Damn.

This Is Your LIfe

Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be

ARGH

I have decided to agree with the conclusion that Qin came up with yesterday. People are stupid. Stupid. I am stupid, he is stupid, she is stupid, they are stupid, we're all stupid. That's right. We do things we don't want to do, things we don't think we should do, things we think are pointless, things others will think are pointless. We do all of those things with an annoying persistence that even we can't stand. We also don't do things that we should, things that we know we have to but don't anyway, things that we know would be beneficial, things we want but are too afraid to do it. We assume things about ourselves, others, and human nature in general.

More and more everyday I think that death is perfection, enlightenment, freedom, and peaceful. Every. Day.

maybe

I don't understand how someone can assume that they're missed, that they're important in someone's life. I don't understand how they can sometimes makes the mistake that they're not being lied to, that what people say they feel for them is just a by-product of being nice. Qin has this friend, she's known him probably the longest, but he says she knows nothing about him. I mean, she knows his "history" and what has happened to him, but she doesn't know anything about what his actions mean, and what his words are implying. She can't tell tones and patterns. She can't tell anything about his intentions. How would you define that type of friend? How? I want to know.

I think that it's interesting how even though someone can tell so much about you, your patterns and such, they still can't possibly know even most of the things about you.

I have this walk, which Qin calls the "I am annoyed and walking in deep thought" walk. I like how I say all this, type all this to you, and yet I have no point to make. Well, not that I don't have a point, it's just that my brain won't let me make it. Every time I try to conclude everything, my brain gives a last-minute counterargument.

To miss things, is to be attached, we wouldn't want that now, would we? Therefore, we miss nothing.

death

Is it really that bad? Will we really hate ourselves for dying? At what point is the suffering too much to handle? Perhaps the afterlife is better? I want to know. I want a minute to find out if my lifetime is worth it. We've all thought about it.....it's just that we don't tell others. I want to know if my time here is a good price to pay for what comes next. Sometimes we wish we could just stop it all, no? At least know someone who does? We wish we could say everything, but no...we don't. We wish we could do a lot of things, but we don't do them because we're still more afraid of the risk. We live life being afraid of punishment; that's what life is, a game to see who is best at avoiding the end. I think that if we ever come to the point where we've had enough, we'll stop it because, finally, the punishment is no longer a punishment.

....

I officially declare, at this moment, that everything I used to know about the world and human nature, and people have been......debunked.

It's like, you try really hard to understand a concept, to understand a person, and all you can do is stop and stare because you can't believe what you're seeing. I don't care. I tell myself that I don't care. I tell myself that every single day. It's like, all you're given are clues, small little clues, and you don't get anything except for those clues. Yeah, I'm done being the attached person that I am. I'm done. I've decided that there are two ways to approach life: 1) to train yourself to go above those human traits that pull you down 2) to succumb to it like you've lost all will power.

I will not lose control of myself. I've decided that I'm a person who, upon being tested of my limits, will not sit there and let myself be frustrated. I won't be a doormat. I won't sit here and wonder whether or not I measure up to something that I just realized I will never measure up to. Doing that to myself is absurd.

hi

so...my Asia teacher just totally said "smack down" between fighting philosophies XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

wow...

I think that I've decided to adopt as many of the Confucian/Mencian philosophy as possible because I feel that it would be beneficial to my mental health and it would help my interactions with others, even those I don't like.

she also just said "he offed a lot of people"

I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I think that I agree with a lot of Confucian thought, and if so, then I would say that according to a lot of those thoughts that I agree with, I have not been....good. How can I do things that disagree with philosophies that I agree with? I dunno....I think I'm transitioning into a period of moral instability....I'm not sure why. It's like, I constantly have to ask myself, "what are you doing?" and "is it right? will you still feel the same way later on?" I need stability, not only in other people, but also in myself, in order to feel safe. If my decisions and thoughts are iffy, then how can I trust myself to make sound judgments? I think I'm heading towards an existentialist breakdown--what meaning do these things have? what is the purpose? It seems to me now that values exist, but with very little meaning attached to them....

Confucius says

Book 14, verse 30
"One does not worry about the fact that other people do not appreciate one. One worries about the fact that one is incapable."

incapable....yeah...one always has to worry that one is incapable

Book 9, verse 11
"Yan Hui, sighing heavily, said: "The more I look up to it, the higher it is; the more I penetrate it, the harder it becomes; I see it ahead of me and suddenly it is behind....If I wanted to stop, I could not; and when I have exhausted all my talents, it seems as if there is something which he has established profoundly, but even though I long to pursue it, I have no way of doing so at all."

I feel this way sometimes about a lot of things/people....

hmmm

To inquire about something when you know that doing so might result in the immediate effect of that something that you never wantt o happen. That is what I call stupid, but then that is what I also reluctantly call closure. Which one do I want to listen to? One way or another, I risk possibly doing something wrong. On one hand, I risk torturing myself thinking constantly about the situation; on the other, I risk torturing myself by making it worse. Either way, I see speed bumps trying to hinder me from driving through. It takes force, but do I have that force?

The Fountain

I think you should watch The Fountain if you haven't already. Over the pas two days in Asia, I started and finished the whole movie. It brings up a copious amount of interesting points I think that I'm not sure how to discuss. I could ruin the movie for you, so you should go read the synopsis and then watch it. I can't describe it. Just suggesting....

<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fountain_(film)">The Fountain</a>

trying things out

just trying to see if the "post by email" thing would work....

So....the above message was me posting by email....THANK GOD I can do that now!!

Hmm, I was getting testy not being able to type anything I want to type.

Anyway, bah....I was thinking that I still don't trust people (in general) at all. Hmm....not only do I mean that in the sense of not being able to say anything, but also in the sense that I really don't trust most people to eventually hurt me in some way. You'd think that the closer I am to someone, the more that will go away, right? No...I don't think so...I don't think so...I don't know why I'm so paranoid and so distrustful of people's intentions and genuineness....I want to know, though. Blah...

Oh well...I'm done for now. Whatever..."If we are to be separate, make sure its permanence will be maintained. Inconsistency does nothing but confuse and frustrate."

Can't Take It by AAR

You speak to me
I know this will be temporary
You ask to leave,
but I can tell you that I've had enough

I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Step up to me
I know that you've got something buried
I'll set you free
You set conditions, but I've had enough

I can't take it
This welcome is gone and
I've waited long enough to make it
and if you're so strong
you might as well just do it alone
And I'll watch you go

Chocolate by Snow Patrol

You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time

Run by Snow Patrol

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

hmm

While talking to a sleeping Tracy last night, I was thinking about everything. I looked back reminiscently and I think that there is no reason to be hasty, eh? Calm down, ha thien, calm down. Ah....fears....fears hinder me.

let's see if you can understand me

let's see if I have enough lyrics to convey my thoughts

Light up, light up...as if you have a choice. I'll sing it one last time for you, then we really have to go; do the things that you always wanted to and all the things that i wish i had not said, are played in loops till it's madness in my head--like Saturn's rings, an icy loop around me too hard to hold. It's beginning to get to me that I know more of the stars and sea than I do of what's in your head. I can tell you that I've had enough. I can't take it; this welcome has gone and I've waited long enough to make it. Step up to me; I know that you've got something buried; I'll set you free. Is there a place I can go? Is there a light to get me there if I've forgotten what to say? It's because all words are dust. If this is really what you think, how come you won't look me in the eye?

In truth I'm just as scared
As you lie here beside me
So close your eyes, I'll guard the door
And when you wake you'll wake with me

Are we getting closer or are we getting more lost?

Reevaluation

I think I can be too rigid when dealing with other people, but I'm too flexible when dealing with people I care about. I'm too detached to most people, but too attached to a select few. It worries me. Attachment gives room for a change of mind. Change of minds scare me, so I will remove myself from it before it happens. I'm not sure if this makes sense.

Disillusionment, especially my own, throws me off to no end. They're just as dangerous as those from other people. Lies, I've decided that they irk me, and I will not let myself fall prey to them; in other words, I will dissect everything carefully, even my own thoughts. I will not consciously lie to anyone, not even to save my own case. Anything I do, I am responsible for. It's like writing with a fountain pen, mistakes are etched there, but they remind you that you have to write better the next time. I don't think I know what I'm talking about anymore, so I'll stop. Nap time, here I come.

first post in a while

So I'll start with the most recent first; it makes me annoyed to see that there were heavy bags under my mom's eyes. Hmm...she's been working and not getting enough sleep, I bet. Grr....crazy woman. Anyway, on the ride home, she told me that she got a bonus from one of her clients *me suspiciously looking at her* and that she's thinking that she'll just buy me the camera as a really early graduation gift. Then she said that I can keep my money for the miniterm trip, which she'll pay for as well. I was struck dumb. Seriously. I was speechless, but then I told her that it's all well and good, but I"ll only take some of it and pay for half of my camera. I was originally going to spend all my money on the camera body while she pays for the lens, but now I can keep some leftover to continue saving up. I also told her I've decided that I won't go on the miniterm trip because that would mean that she'll spend a lot of money on me this year. She asked me why I won't go if I really wanted it. I told her that I think I can go any time in the future, so I don't have to go now. I'd rather spend time with Frances during miniterm, since she's not going anywhere. If she decides to go to Japan or something, then I'll go to Frances with Qin, but if she's staying back then I'd rather stay with her. However, she'll never know that.

So going back to today...it was uneventful, and filled with me sleeping and doing anat phys hw. However, I remembered that she had a Stats test today, and since I remembered that she didn't have a lab after lunch (which was wrong) I thought I'd go run down to Broad St. and get her the caramel italian soda that she wanted yesterday. I did, but I had to be careful because walking off campus by myself without signing out might get me a level II if I got caught. Also, I had to hurry because I had to finish my anat phys hw. Well, I got back, and went to her hall, where I found out that she did indeed have a lab, and I remembered that she has a class after that as well. Soo....I know the drink was going to melt and dilute. *sigh* Stupid Ha Thien...

You Could Be Happy

You could be happy and i won't know
But you weren't happy the day i watched you go.

And all the things that i wish i had not said,
Are played in loops till it's madness in my head.


is it too late to remind you how we were?
But not our last days of silent screaming blur.

Most of what i remember makes me sure
I should've stopped you from walking out the door.

You could be happy i hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything i own, smells of you
and for the tiniest moment it's all not true.

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think just do

More than anything i want to see you girl
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world

Survey

When you were a child... 1. what did you want to be when you grew up and why? Psychologist, lawyer, neurologist (aka, “brain doctor”) 2. who was your favorite person to do things with (excluding your parents)? My cousin... 3. did you love school or did you hate it? why? did that change as you got older? I didn’t like elementary or middle school as much, but I like high school, especially ncssm. I think it accommodates all my crazy needs 4. was your family close? what were your favorite family traditions? Yeah, I think so….my mom’s family is always doing things together….talking, creating drama, I really liked the people I lived with…nononononono, wrong. 3 of the people I lived with. 5. did you think that being an adult would be cool? Not really. Dreams 1. what was the last dream that you had about? I can’t remember… 2. does it hold any significant meaning to you? Most of my dreams hold some significance to me 3. do you dream in color or black and white? I think I tend to dream in black and white more…. 4. what is the most frightening dream you ever had? Hmm….a giant cockroach was eating my mom…either that or the one where my mom and sister died in that field. 5. is there one dream that stays clear in your mind despite the fact it was more than a few years ago? Yeah… Beliefs 1. what is something that you used to believe, but are glad you don't believe anymore? That love exists 2. is there something you wish you still believed? what? that things stay the same 3. what experience or person taught you the most about life? Pfft, my own experiences, of course 4. what area of life would you like to know or understand more about? Emotions—I concur 5. what is your most valuable lesson about life so far? Nothing is what you initially thought it was You wake up one morning, all groggy and tired. As you stumble your way into the bathroom, you look in the mirror and find out that... 1. you're the opposite sex. besides the obvious playing with the new parts, what would you do? I’d get new clothes. And what do you mean “playing”? 2. you're someone famous. who and why? I wouldn’t want to be someone famous 3. you're the king (queen) of the world (no, you're not james cameron). what edict would you pass? I agree with Marie (and Tracy): toleration for all races, religions, sexual preferences, and gender 4. you're no longer in kansas (or this world) anymore. where are you? I am in a white room 5. you have a clone standing next to you and it's going to work/school for you while you get to play hooky. what are you going to do today? Walk around—yeah… Fortune Cookie 1. what is your opinion on karma? Eh, I don’t really care what happens 2. if anything, do you think attitude makes any difference? Of course 3. how has luck/chance/facts-of-life/god/karma/nature treated you so far? I think that I’m a lucky person 4. what is your opinion of the concept of destinies? If they exist, then I’m glad certain destinies collide….otherwise, I’m just as happy. 5. are both bad and good things needed in order to truly live life? can you have the bad without the good? the good without the bad? You can’t have just one. There is a balance that needs to be maintained in life Magic 1. if you came upon a time machine, where would you go? To the future 2. if you managed to capture the questing beast, an odd combination of animal forms that is said to know the answers to all questions, what one question would you ask it? would the answer change anything? There are so many things I’d like to know, but I think I’d rather not ask anything…maybe ask it something about someone else, not myself. 3. you've found yourself a rather obedient genie in a bottle. make your three wishes. why, out of everything you could ask for, do these three win out? They are quite selfish, so I will not say. They are prominent because of my fears. 4. someone presents you with a working voodoo doll. do you use it? Sure…well…maybe not. I don’t know. I’d feel bad, I think. 5. pick a superpower, any superpower. what and why? how would this change your life? Either reading minds or being invisible Pudding 1. what is the best dessert you've ever had? Uhhhh, it’s between flan and tiramisu 2. is there a dessert that just plain grosses you out? Fried bananas 3. straight out of the container or with lots of toppings: tell us how you like your ice cream. Just plain vanilla, maybe with cherries 4. cookie dough, brownie mix, cake batter or the finished products? none 5. you've just invented a great new dessert .... what's in it and what is it called? Pssh, I can’t do desserts Summer 1. what is your favorite summer activity? Spending time with friends—yeah… 2. what was one great thing you did this summer? Cali? 3. when you were a child, what was your favorite summer activity? Soccer/water park 4. what has been your favorite summer vacation? Eh…nothing 5. summer goes well into september, but when do you feel like it is over? When I get into the school/hw rhythm again Clothing 1. of everything in your wardrobe what do you feel the most comfortable wearing? David’s jeans, and freshman band shirt and if it’s appropriate, last year’s hall sweatshirt 2. ubi est duo? I dunno 3. how many pairs of shoes do you own and do you wear them all? Uhhhh….5, and I wear 3 or 4 I think 4. where do you buy most of your clothes? Tommy Hilfiger!!!!! 5. what was the last piece of clothing you bought? Human Nature shirt Music 1. who was your favorite band/musican when you were younger? Uhhh….bsb 2. why? radio 3. are they still your favorite/one of your favorites? Not really 4. what is your favorite of their songs? I dunno….I have ones that I like, but not a favorite 5. are there any specific lyrics you hold dear? Heh, not from long ago…but maybe recently Hand writing 1. what color ink pen do you like best? Black 2. do you prefer plain paper or paper with lines (notebook paper)? Lined, preferably college ruled 3. what's better: books from the library, or reading online? Library. 4. which would you rather get, e-mail or snail mail? Snail. 5. do you have a paper weight on your desk? Not really

time

I could try to rewrite what I told Tracy yesterday, but I don't think it'll be successful, so I'll

Passing thin air draws my breath farther and farther away from me as the sense of sunset passes me through the fragile glass window. Light penetrates as it never has before, burning darkness away , revealing hidden nooks and corners. Walls crumbling as if by magic or a tidal wave drowning me in overwhelming water. You reach your hand through, but for something beyond understanding and I wonder when I would resurface.

I have probably done this before....

1. Frances
2. Tracy
3. Qin
4. Kangyue
5. Sam
6. Prashant
7. Safiyyah
8. Stacy
9. Cami
10. Carmen
11. Kara

How did you meet # 4? Kang-He came to watch a 2nd Beall IM game, and Frances and I talked to him

Do you like anyone on here? Why not?

What would you do if you hadn't met number 1? Frances--I'd be bored, ncssm would be boring. I'd be drastically different, probably....worse off

What would you do if 6 and 2 were going out? Prashant and Tracy--I'd cry....tears of fear and insanity

How did you meet number 8? stacy--2nd Beall

What do you think of number 7? safiyyah--she's

What would you do if 5 confessed they love you? Sam--ummm....

Where does number 7 live? safiyyah--dunno

Is number 2 your best friend? Tracy--I....err.....don't...understand this question...

Who's 10s best friend? Carmen--I think Hanna

Did you ever eat around 11? Kara--yeah....I have to live, you know...

Do you miss number 1? Frances--sadly, so...

Who's 11 dating? Kara--Prashant? XDD just to amuse me...

What is your opinion of number 6? Prashant--he's...err...I don't know...He slightly annoys me, sometimes REALLY annoys me...but we can carry on a civilized conversation and we are both really interested in photography, so I guess he's okay.

What do you think about number 3? He's one of the greatest guys ever

What would you do if 3 and 7 were going out? umm....he's already said it won't happen

Do you have any special thing you do with 11? not really....she likes to sleep in my bed....of course, I won't be there....

Have you ever been inside 9's house? yeah...

Would you marry 1? ummm...no....

Do you love 8? sure...why not? but nothing sketchy, though...and not that kind of "love", either.

Ever slept in the same room as any of the numbers? yeah....3 of them, I think...

Do you trust them? on different levels, I guess....

Have you ever kissed any of them? uhhhhhh....

Do you wanna? no.